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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is weird and not know of an easy explanation?

144 replies

JurassicSnark · 16/07/2019 13:08

I recently ended a long relationship. Well actually he finished it, but anyway..
I was very upset at first; now a few weeks on I seem to be coping ok. I still think about him and still dream of him but day to day I'm managing. I haven't cried for a couple of weeks and am keeping busy.

He still has a lot of stuff at my house that he hasn't contacted me about collecting. I was going to send him a message about it this week now I'm feeling stronger.

However today on impulse I was looking on a property website and saw his property (that he only started renting 3 months ago).has now been re-let. This threw me because I know he loved the house, it's in a great location in his home town and I can't think of any reason for him to be moving (he works 100s of miles away generally in the week and house is a base, his family are local, he had already paid at least 6 months rent upfront plus he has plenty in the bank to have kept renting for years, if landlord was selling it wouldn't have been re-let etc) it just all seems weird. I'm concerned whether anything has happened to him (though I would have hoped his family would let me know if it had). As I can't think of any explanation other than that.

Is there an obvious explanation I could have missed?

Also as I have a legitimate reason to contact him, should I just send a message about his stuff? Or do I ask about the house as well?

OP posts:

Whisky2014 · 17/07/2019 08:29

Or a load of shit..

Original poster

JurassicSnark · 17/07/2019 08:35

I don't really care about looking stalkery or what he thinks of me, it doesn't matter. Its not like I need to impress him or play it cool... our relationship is already over. That said I haven't asked him about the house in my message.

I don't think it was listed by accident as it was added last week and is marked let agreed.

OP posts:

Whisky2014 · 17/07/2019 08:47

Who cares?

IvanaPee · 17/07/2019 10:11

This is such a weird thread!

What do you want from it?

Original poster

JurassicSnark · 17/07/2019 20:38

To update (as I hate to be one of those OPs where you never find out what's gone on) I've now been in contact with him. He seems relatively ok so I am no longer concerned. He no longer seems to be working (which may explain the house etc) and is going to collect his stuff when he's next up here in 2-3 weeks.

I'm relieved that he's alive and well. And also that I now have an approximate date for him to pick up his stuff.

OP posts:

greenwaterbottle · 17/07/2019 21:14

Good end. Give him and end date of a month etc so he doesn't mess you about.

Littlejets · 17/07/2019 21:20

Sounds like your clutching for a reason to contact him. Don't!! Just box his stuff up nicely and take it to his parents.

gregorythesheepdog · 17/07/2019 21:33

Glad you have an answer OP. Agree with @greenwaterbottle , give him a date to do it by and don’t let him mess you about.

SparklyMagpie · 17/07/2019 21:48

For your sake I'm glad you have heard from him OP

Something you said in a post near the beginning did make me think this could have been the case. But you have your reply now

Agree with setting a deadline date of when his things need to be gone by,you could have everything ready so it's just a case of his grabbing and going.

You had concerns over the house and what happened, but finally you can close the book on all of this now (obviously more so when his possessions are gone)

Original poster

JurassicSnark · 17/07/2019 21:55

Yes I feel relieved. He's apparently back down here sometime early next month (reading between the lines possibly an interview I didn't ask and it doesn't really matter) so will pick the stuff up then. He's going to give me a firm date nearer the time. I won't let it go past a month from now though.

And littlejets, his parents are 4 hours from me so I'm not dropping his stuff off, he can come get it (which he says he will do).

OP posts:

TheRedBarrows · 18/07/2019 08:03

Glad it is sorted, OP.

EmeraldShamrock · 18/07/2019 09:08

JurassicSnark I am glad you spoke to him put your mind at ease.
OP I can tell you're really hurting, I've been there I couldn't breath with the pain.
I spent years hoping pinning even meeting for sex occasionally.
I know it is really hard but get busy and move on as quick as you can.
I now see my ex wasn't great to me, he tossed me aside like an old bandit, the relationship wasn't great either, lots of passion but at a price.
When I meet DP it took me ages to fall in love, I missed my ex but I am glad DP stayed around, we're very happy in love with 2 DC.
In my exs case it was another woman, he lied kept her hide for ages. No FB back then.
Move on I am sorry for your heartache.

RockyRolly · 18/07/2019 09:21

I dont mean this rudely but everything you've said about him you sound like you'll be better off in the long run without him OP. He sounds like a bit of a disaster. Weird that he cant/wont leave his home town - I wonder what that means but with all the addiction and mental health issues etc and the weird working patterns and life set up with no friends etc - i dont think you've lost out here. Find a new fun life for yourself OP and move on. Tell him you can courier his stuff if he sends X funds to cover it. Making you wait a month is a bit of a piss take.

GabsAlot · 18/07/2019 10:09

I win lost his job

sorry if that sounded crass

Original poster

JurassicSnark · 18/07/2019 10:27

I am keeping busy and have 'moved on' as much as you can from a 5+ year relationship in 4 weeks. I'm not hoping to restart anything with him. He would like us to stay friends but I don't think I can offer that. I am not a fan of staying friends after a break up!

There are valid reasons why he needs to live where he does, but yes his life is complex and he is a troubled person. However his issues are thankfully no longer my problem.

OP posts:

EmeraldShamrock · 18/07/2019 13:38

However his issues are thankfully no longer my problem
I thought I could fix my troubled ex too, ot took me a few years.
Look after yourself, you need to meet someone else, but don't waste time dreaming of what could be.
Lick your wounds, it gets better.

EmeraldShamrock · 18/07/2019 13:41

Meant You DON'T NEED to meet someone.

Original poster

JurassicSnark · 18/07/2019 17:15

Yes I'm not too bothered about meeting anyone else.

I didn't think I could fix his issues really; ultimately I don't think he knows what he wants. 5 weeks ago he was completely in love with me, found me madly attractive, wanted to go to Relate to sort out our problems, he couldn't even contemplate our relationship ending...a week later it was all changed and we were over and done with (his choice). That kind of headfuckery is too much to cope with.

OP posts:

Sagradafamiliar · 18/07/2019 18:42

You sound like you've got your shit together despite having been through a lot. Don't know why you've had so many snarky replies.
All the best for the future

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