Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU to think this is weird and not know of an easy explanation?

144 replies

JurassicSnark · 16/07/2019 13:08

I recently ended a long relationship. Well actually he finished it, but anyway..
I was very upset at first; now a few weeks on I seem to be coping ok. I still think about him and still dream of him but day to day I'm managing. I haven't cried for a couple of weeks and am keeping busy.

He still has a lot of stuff at my house that he hasn't contacted me about collecting. I was going to send him a message about it this week now I'm feeling stronger.

However today on impulse I was looking on a property website and saw his property (that he only started renting 3 months ago).has now been re-let. This threw me because I know he loved the house, it's in a great location in his home town and I can't think of any reason for him to be moving (he works 100s of miles away generally in the week and house is a base, his family are local, he had already paid at least 6 months rent upfront plus he has plenty in the bank to have kept renting for years, if landlord was selling it wouldn't have been re-let etc) it just all seems weird. I'm concerned whether anything has happened to him (though I would have hoped his family would let me know if it had). As I can't think of any explanation other than that.

Is there an obvious explanation I could have missed?

Also as I have a legitimate reason to contact him, should I just send a message about his stuff? Or do I ask about the house as well?

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 16/07/2019 13:39

Why bother posting if you were going to message him and ask him all along???

How do you know he is seeing someone else?

It doesn't matter how you dress it up, your Ex and the "new" GF are going to think you are stalking him (stumbled across his property online, my arse!)

Don't let him know you've been looking at his home online

OrdinarySnowflake · 16/07/2019 13:40

Do not ask about the house.

a) it's none of your business

b) it makes it look like you've been stalking him

c) it makes you look like you expect him to keep you informed now you have split up

d) it's a perfectly normal thing to do

e) it's still none of your business.

OrdinarySnowflake · 16/07/2019 13:43

oh I've thought of yet more reasons he could have moved!

Some nightmare neighbours might have moved in next door, he's given notice ASAP.

He's won the Euro millions and has moved into a suite at the Ritz while he house hunts.

These things are still none of your business.

Somerestwouldbenice · 16/07/2019 13:46

I know a guy that was engaged and living with a girl within a month of them breaking up he was living with his new gf

GabsAlot · 16/07/2019 13:50

It could be anything-hes lost his job his parents are ill and hes moved in with them

The new gf has a better place-he has a new job?

livefornaps · 16/07/2019 13:53

If you ask about the house you will look like a mahoosive stalker

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 16/07/2019 13:53

I think @OrdinarySnowflake has got it spot on.

Don’t give yourself any more opportunities to feel pain.
Also, he seems to be managing without the stuff ok...does it even need returning?

Whistle73 · 16/07/2019 13:53

if he only moved in to the property three months ago could it be an old listing that the estate agent are showing again, just because they haven't got much else around at the moment?

It's showing as let so it's not a lie as such, just them being a bit sneaky and trying to look popular.

Scorpiovenus · 16/07/2019 13:54

Let it go

who cares if it was :) just move on

Original poster

JurassicSnark · 16/07/2019 13:55

His house is nowhere near work. He lives in hotels in the week and goes back to house at weekends. He can't move his base out of that area so couldn't move to a house near work. He could have moved to another house in the area but as he only moved in April and had paid rent to October upfront it seems odd that he would).

I am concerned that he has done sonething stupid èither self harm, or self sabotage (he has form for both) however as has been said if I do text him and get a message that will reassure me he's still ok.

OP posts:

Zebraaa · 16/07/2019 13:58

You’re ignoring what everyone is saying. The perfectly reasonable explanation is he had already met someone new and moved in with her.

If he’d hurt himself I’m sure you would have heard through social media or word of mouth.

Original poster

JurassicSnark · 16/07/2019 14:01

Some of the items at my house belong to a family member who died (in quite tragic circs). It wouldn't seem right to dispose of them even though he's not been in contact.

His house is a mile from his parents so he wouldn't have moved to live with them (they don't have room). And where ever his job is he would have needed to keep the house as a base.

I guess he could have won the lottery. Although as an ex gambling addict he didn't participate.

OP posts:

Original poster

JurassicSnark · 16/07/2019 14:03

I wouldn't have heard through social media as he and family are deleted and blocked. He wasn't friends with any of my friends on FB etc.

I'm going to text about the stuff and ask him to let me know what he wants to do about it. I'll rethink asking about the house for now.

OP posts:

OrdinarySnowflake · 16/07/2019 14:12

Don't ask about the house. If he replies about the stuff, you'll know.

Most like either a) he was cheating on you, he only ended your relationship as the other one got to the serious, living together stage, and running 2 relationships is much more easy logistically if you don't live together (particularly if each woman is in a different town!)

b) living in a hotel became too much for him and he's decided to make his base in the town he works in/somewhere easy to commute to that town so he doesnt' need to stay in hotels. (this is really tough long term, most people who've done it find it hard)

c) some other reason that house no longer suited his life, but as you aren't part of his life, it doesn't matter to you.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2019 14:12

Are you sure he paidnin advance? Normally this is done as the person has a Ccj or debt problems so won't pass the credit check. I've had tenants where I've had payment in advance and this is the only reason it's done.

Maybe he didn't pay in advance, and was evicted, or maybe he has financial issues. Whatever the reason he's clearly had to leave that place. Either because he wanted to, unlikely, if he'd paid the rent up front, or he had to.

cryer · 16/07/2019 14:15

I think you'll find he's been seeing someone longer than you knew and has moved in with them.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2019 14:15

Although as an ex gambling addict he didn't participate

Ah ok, that explains it then, why he paid in advance or was evicted for non payment, going back to my previous post. I'd assume he was gambling again.

SparklyMagpie · 16/07/2019 14:17

You have answers for absolutely everything

I don't think you're fully over it and seem very invested in this.

Send the message about his things and hopefully he will collect and you can move on

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2019 14:18

I suspect he as gambling again and in serious trouble.

IsobelRae23 · 16/07/2019 14:21

I’m confused- you said you’ve booked his number. How is he going to contact you then?

Original poster

JurassicSnark · 16/07/2019 14:21

He definitely paid up front, I was there when he signed the paperwork. It's something he does with every property he rents.

OP posts:

donutrehomer · 16/07/2019 14:24

I think you've dodged a bullet, and you sound as if you are doing really well.

Whatever was going on, it was very probably going on the background for a while before he finished his relationship with you.

Sometimes people who have lives split in two areas have two totally different lives.

You might never find out the truth, sometimes you find out the truth by sheer coincidence years later.

If he comes to collect his stuff don't get sucked back in.

ambereeree · 16/07/2019 14:26

Maybe there was a break clause in the agreement? In the kindest way stop wasting time on working out what he's doing. It's really not healthy.

Original poster

JurassicSnark · 16/07/2019 14:27

Sorry I meant message ie email, I've not blocked him on that. I could unblock his number and text him but as a lot of our communication was via email it's probably easier to contact him that way.

He could have gone back to gambling or other self destructive behaviour. However I realise this is not my problem. He is an adult and what he does is his responsibility.

OP posts:

SaucySausageSandwiches · 16/07/2019 14:30

Is it definitely his house? Or another house which is similar?

I can understand why you’re worried but I wouldn’t ask about it in the first message as you’ll seem like a creep!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6