To take baby to funeral?

[Duckyduckyquackquack]

Not a family funeral. Baby is 4 months old and generally very calm. Would sit at back and slip out if he started crying or fussing. Would this be unreasonable?

I don't think that's unreasonable, if you are comfortable going, you should go.

As long as you'd leave if necessary why wouldn't you

I'd ask the key mourners what they'd prefer.

I wouldn't take a chance on a baby crying at a funeral. You will probably feel anxious and so may others and I don't think it's fair that others may worry about your baby crying and ruining the funeral.

I don't know. You'd have to leave at the first whimper, not jiggle him around for a while and hope he settles. I'd find it too stressful.

Not unreasonable as long as you manage potential baby noises quickly and efficiently to minimise disruption.

Might be a bit odd but I sometimes think it helps to see a baby at a funeral. Circle of life kind of thing

I took DD to dh friends mums funeral a few months ago at that age. It was a warm day and the church was packed and we stood outside. They were all so pleased we had gone and brought her. I was prepared to sit at door and leave but as it was we were just as good outside.

I agree with consulting the closest family. I took my children to a funeral when the widow asked me to.

If you slipped out at the first sign of fussing I think it's fine.
We took our 3month old to my grandmother's funeral recently and it was fine. DH had her in the carrier and sat near an easy exit. Everyone noted how good she was and wanted a cuddle afterwards too.

Ask the person whos arramging the funeral.

I would absolutely not want a baby at a funeral I was arranging, lots of others would be glad to see a little one there.

It's not something you should decide to do without consulting the immediate family of the deceased though.

Yes you would BU. By the time you've had the whimper, got your things and made your way out you would have caused a disruption, even without meaning to. Someone did it at my mother's funeral and I wish they hadn't.

I recently arranged a funeral, had a few people asking if babies could come. I said yes as long as they were taken out if they got loud. Two of the three babies slept throughout the service, one cried and the parents took him out ASAP. Afterwards it was a lovely distraction to have them there

Yes to asking the key mourners. I would have been absolutely fucking livid if someone bought one to my fathers funeral but it was a somber affair not a celebration of life type service.
Other people say they find it nice.

I wouldn’t want a baby at a funeral. The attention should be on the deceased and those left behind, not on some random kid that everyone is cooing over.

If you ask the family they’ll probably say ‘yes of course it’s fine’ whether they feel that way or not, for fear of looking like cunts. This happened to me recently, I made all the right noises about it being fine to bring the baby, but inside I was very unhappy about it.

I wouldn't ask the family, just don't take your baby. We had a couple of people ask if they could bring their babies to my mums funeral and it's just uncomfortable having to say no, then feeling like you have to justify why not. Had the couple who brought their baby asked we would have said no but would prefer to not have to. No one ever says 'such a shame there weren't more babies' at a funeral. The wake is different imho.

Sorry for your loss, cautionsharpblade. FWIW you wouldn't have looked bad by saying no and I highly doubt anyone would have held it against you.

I personally wouldn't want it, especially if they start to smell and need changing. Ask the key mourners as others have said

I took my baby to the funeral of an elderly friend who really loved him. Her niece was arranging it and was fine with him being there, but one old woman made some quite pointed comments about him being too young.

I took a very active 5m old DS to my grandfather’s funeral. DH took him out at the first fuss, but afterwards everyone was thrilled that he was there. I think take him.

I was at a funeral last Tuesday. There was a baby in a pram next to our pew. It was no problem at all, slept through the whole service and didn't make a sound.

I took DD to my Grandads funeral as I was breastfeeding and it was nice to have her there- DH hovered around the back in case he needed to leave. It was a small service though we only a few family members.

I didn’t take her to a friends funeral a few months later as tbh I needed to focus on how sad I was and think about my friend without being distracted- although my friends family wouldn’t have minded if I’d have taken her. It was actually a lovely service and wake which would have just been hard work with a 7 month old. There were a lot of people there. DD isn’t very relaxed though so if you have a calm baby I’m sure it will be fine.

It's really divisive isn't it? Some people like the whole 'circle of life' thing and others dont want the distraction from the person who has died.

I'm the latter.

However it depends completely on the relationship I think and I would suggest not expecting the baby to be some kind of panacea at the wake and you'll be fine.

My daughter went to my grans funeral when she was a baby. She started to make a bit of noise (not crying) so my husband took her out, the lady behind said we shouldn’t have bothered as it lightened up the situation.

Unless it is the funeral of a baby then I don't see a problem.