To take baby to funeral?

[Duckyduckyquackquack]

Not a family funeral. Baby is 4 months old and generally very calm. Would sit at back and slip out if he started crying or fussing. Would this be unreasonable?

if it's a family funeral and the deceased has had a long and happy life, then yes, proceed with caution.

any other scenario then no.

No, I wouldn't take a baby. It's a horrid environment for a baby to be in, and by the time you've headed out with a fussing baby, it's disrupted the whole thing.

Go to the after do, people love the distraction of a baby but not for the actual funeral.

I took a friend with me when we took our then 18 month old, she walked him round the crematorium gardens whilst the service was on and handed him over at the end.

Sorry for your loss.

I think a baby at a funeral can sometimes make it a bit easier, lighten the mood a bit.
But, I'm very much in the belief that children should be allowed to go to funerals as they deserve to understand death and grieving and get a chance to say goodbye as well. Obviously your little one is too small for that just yet, but I'd still take them.

When I took ds to his great grandfathers funeral at 3mo or so I had him in a sling with my long smart coat on and hardly anybody even knew he was there. I sat in the last pew by the aisle while dh was at the front and gave a speech. He certainly didn’t bother any of the close family mourners.

hairytoity makes a very good point. It entirely depends on the situation. Grandparents who reached a good age and you're family I can understand.
I lost my dad who was not elderly under horrific circumstances last year. It was really traumatic. It would have been entirely inappropriate to have had a young child at the funeral and the youngest grandchildren did not attend (teens did as they understood) . I could barely function/stand up I couldn't have had kids there to worry about as well.

It's lovely to have babies at the wake sometimes, but I really will never agree with them at the funeral.

Once they've made a noise they've already disrupted the service.

Completely normal. Sorry for your loss.

I took my DD to my grandma's funeral when she was only a few months old - she slept through, but afterwards was a delight and everyone was pleased I'd brought her. I think sit at the back and be prepared to slip out if noisy is fine

Is the door that you would make your exit a different door to the one the funeral directors would being the coffin through?

My son was a much older 18m for my Grandad's funeral. He adored children and I needed my partner and baby in the room. They sat at that back with IPad on silent. Not a peep from him. Small baby id sling them mine always slept and quiet in sling

Depends on the funeral.
Someone once took their bf baby to a funeral i attended, no one said anything to the mum directly as she was sort of related. But cheif mourners made it clear that they would have preferred the baby not there.
Do ask . Sometimes family are upset and like to focus on the deceased and a baby can detract .
Like i say it depends on the funeral.

I wouldn't bring a baby. And I wouldn't have appreciated any distractions at my parents funerals. As it's not a relative, will you be expected to be there?

I took DS to his great grandmothers funeral when he was a few months as I was BF, he was as good as gold and people were fine about it. I have had 2 funerals more recently (since he turned 2) and I didn’t take him to either of those as I knew he wouldn’t behave appropriately, though I was asked why I hadn’t brought him to them by the people who had held the funerals both times. I would take your baby.

A close friend of mine brought her husband and baby to my mother's funeral. The husband stayed outside with the baby to minimise any disruption and he and the baby of course came to the meal afterwards. Would you be taking the baby on your own? If so, then pretty much what everyone else has said - make for the exit at the first hint of any crying or whimpering.

Is key mourners a term now?

Sit in the back and leave as soon as it starts fussing. Nothing worse then a crying /fussy baby at such an intimate sad event.

Always taken my babies and children to all funerals, I have only ever been to close family funerals since their births though so I guess it was my choice as much as anyone elses.
EBFing DS1 4 weeks at the first funeral, he just fed and slept through the service.

It is no place for a baby, despite the fact that they are not concious yet of their surroundings. They pick up vibes etc. and it stays with them.

what a load of bollocks

I took my three week old to my GPs funeral. Baby slept through nearly all of it. I sat near the back in church so I could go out if he started crying. I didn’t need to as he was quite the whole time.

Quiet. Getting sleepy!

It does depend on whose funeral it is. Close family - check with the chief mourners. Not close family or friends - no don’t take baby and don’t ask.

I recently went to the funeral of a friend. Her 4-year old didn’t come. Having a baby there wouldn’t have been nice at all - it wasn’t a time for cooing over a baby but for remembering a dear friend and letting ourselves grieve for a life lost too young. A baby would distract from that.

I’d you’re related to a chief mourner then yes of course.
As a friend or neighbor then no, you don’t really need to be there.

As for pp who have said 'well, I said yes but really I didn't want to' - that's 100% on you

Normally I'd agree, but I'm not sure if this is quite fair with the recently bereaved

Of course it depends on the parents, but knowing how "assertive" some can be about baby with them all the time, perhaps mourners would rather avoid any risk of confrontation?

I say no. The funeral/wake is for mourning. Funerals bring together groups of people who don't know one another and some were closer to the person who's passed away than others. So I can see how to some a baby might seem like a welcome distraction but that isn't what the day is for, especially if you're not family.