AIBU To think this is an urgent appointment?

[Glitter99x]

Hi bit of a sensitive topic here. My DP’s grandmother has suspected dementia. All the classic signs- forgetting often, asking things multiple times etc. Over the past year it has gotten worse, even her brother who lives in Fife and doesn’t have that much contact with her, has noticed within a few months how much she had changed. She thinks DP and I live together, we don’t and we have said this before, she was adamant once her daughter (DP’s aunt) was mad at her when she had been there the day before. That his mum hadn’t taken them shopping when she had that day earlier. I may be not that accurate about the last two incidences but they aren’t far off if they are a little wrong.

Anyway, my DP’s grandfather who lives and is married to his grandmother is worried sick, they are elderly. It’s too much for him to cope with, he has us of course but he is struggling. He confided in the pharmacist when getting his medication. The pharmacist without even being asked booked an appointment for DP’s grandmother, which was really kind. DP’s grandmother is Very stubborn, and there is no way she would of gone if she wasn’t told it was for a checkup. We thought it was with a doctor she would be seeing. It was a nurse. DP’s mum went with them as she was worried DP’s grandmother would kick off 😂. This nurse was pathetic. She didn’t know what grandmother was there for, DP’s mum had to actually tell her she was there for a blood pressure test and blood tests. They had thought she would be seeing a doctor regarding what we think is her dementia. DP’s mother and grandfather went to the receptionist and told her it is urgent, she needs to be seen ASAP. They were told a three week wait. AIBU To think that they should be prioritising a dementia appointment at the doctors? That is should be an emergency? DP’s mum said it is an emergency to us, but not to them, as it doesn’t affect them. I’m sorry but surely a dementia appointment is more important than a person with an infected toe for example?! She is elderly!!!!

What do you what the outcome of the appointment to be? What are you hoping you will come away with?

Dementia isn’t really an emergency, no.

It's not an emergency as it's not immediately life-threatening.

There's not going to be that much of a drastic change in the next 3 weeks.

I understand your frustration but it doesn’t warrant an emergency appointment sorry.

Of course it's not an emergency.

I don't really think that you can blame the nurse. They dont know what people are there for, or if they do they will have the briefest of notes.
Nor is it their fault that your relationship with your grandmother precludes you being honest.
If you had said in the nurses room, we would like a check up because we are worried about grans memory, the ball would have started rolling.
After all, if you had seen a doctor you would have had to tell them then, surely

YABU dementia is not an emergency

I am not a medic and I don't know how many urgent appointments the surgery has but normally infections etc do take priority because they can lead to life threatening complications if not treated for the weeks. Dementia won't.

And if it has been going on a year there has been plenty of time to get an appointment rather than being an emergency now. That doesn't make it any easier for you but with the constraints currently on the NHS these things absolutely do need prioritising on medical need.

It is worth asking the receptionists if it is only GPs who can carry out the dementia screen as there maybe be a way to access a different type of trained professional more quickly (social worker for example)

Why is it an emergency? Is she at risk of serious harm if she doesn't see the gp tomorrow? Of course not. She's had issues for some time, another 3 weeks is not going to make much of a difference.

Someone might have had surgery earlier in the week and their suture area is very red, inflamed and the person has developed a high fever. This warrant an emergency appointment with the gp, not a referral for confirmation of a dementia diagnosis.

To use your example, no, I wouldn’t prioritise a suspected dementia case over an infected toe.

An infected toe needs antibiotics as soon as possible or it could get far worse; your grandmother’s condition isn’t going to change significantly in 3 weeks.

An infected toe would definitely be higher priority. Septicemia kills.

Although very sad, it is not an emergency, there really isn't much they can do.

It’s not an emergency. If it’s got worse over the last few weeks eg due to an infection - a uti for example then yes but you said over 1 year... so why didn’t you guys make an appointment sooner. ? This is important but you shouldn’t have all let it get to crisis stage and in the interim if there is family support if you mean it, then step up. I say this as a past dementia carer

The thing is, yes I know dementia cannot be cured, but they are elderly and his grandfather is having heart issues, he doesn’t need this. You can get a medication to help it and the sooner the better.

Although it is really distressing and putting a strain on the family, I can see that it wouldn’t be prioritised over eg. An infected toe - which could turn septic and kill and can be treated with antibiotics.
Sadly there is going to be no quick fix if it is dementia, only meds which can slow it’s progress.

I would rule out UTI - water infection - by dropping a sample into the surgery) as this can cause increased confusion.

Also find out if your area has a ‘dementia navigator’ or similar.

YABU.

Dementia is serious, but it’s not something that’s likely to get drastically worse over the next 3 weeks.

Your example of an infected toe, on the other hand - something like that could potentially develop into a more serious infection if left untreated for 3 weeks. Possibly even life threatening sepsis. It's more urgent than dementia.

Again why suddenly now? The family inability to seek help dinner is not the GPs fault. You will have to ask step up (which you will post diagnosis too)

@mokapot because his grandfather didn’t know how to go about it. My DP’s grandmother is incredibly stubborn and he didn’t know how to go about it, I did bring it up a few times but obviously it wasn’t my decision to make, or my DP’s.

So she had an appointment, but it was with a nurse, and the nurse didn’t know it was about suspected dementia so your DP’s mother told her it was for a blood pressure check? If so not being truthful with the nurse means she wasn’t really given a chance to help effectively.

Then you wanted to rebook the appointment but with a doctor and there’s a three week wait? Obviously a three week wait isn’t ideal, but there’s just so much pressure on GP surgeries at the moment. It’s difficult because I’m sure you all want to get help for your DP’s grandmother as soon as possible, but if it’s a problem that’s gradually been getting worse for a while then medically it’s not an emergency, and you can’t expect her to be prioritised over people who do need urgent care. Three weeks won’t make a difference in the long run.

That said if your DP’s grandfather is really really not coping then that should be emphasised to the doctors surgery, as you don’t want it to reach a crisis point and end in your DP’s grandmother being admitted to hospital because her home situation has become dangerous.

@Glitter99x I'm not sure you understand much about dementia.
It's not like an infection where you take an antibiotic every day for two weeks and you're all better.

You also won't get a diagnosis on the day. She'll be referred to specialists and have assessments etc before anything can be done. It's a long process. Even then, medication won't fix her, there is no cure. The medication can slow it down, sometimes.

With all due respect, her husbands health is completely irrelevant.

His mother was also at a loss. Again, I did my best but it wasn’t my responsibility. It was up to grandfather or mother.

Actually I'd be concerned this might be a UTI, they can send even the most sane of elderly patients into total delirium and confusion. Did they check her urine?

@newmomof1 no it’s not irrelevant, this could cause his death, elderly people are a priority. I do understand a lot about dementia actually. I do know it all goes downhill from here. However this medication can help even for a short time. It’s better than nothing and I like to think positively

You need to make an appointment wiht the GP and talk about the possibility of dementia. They will ask her to do a short memory test. Medication can be prescribed in some cases which may slow down the progression.
If her husband is not coping then contact social services for older people and ask them to come to the home to do an assessment with a view to getting some help at home, or even to see of grandmother should go and live in a care home catering for people with dementia.
And no, this is not an immdiate emergency but do get on to it soon, particularly as the husband is struggling.
Oh and he should also have a carers assessment done by social services.

@SpuriouserAndSpuriouser the nurse knew very well, she had it on her computer all the information. Not really up to us, and it would need to be a doctor anyway for something as serious as dementia.

Emergency appointments are for things which have to be treated by a GP that day, and dementia doesn't fall into that category.

It's normal for pre-bookable appointments to go a few weeks in advance.

The majority of surgeries which offer pre-bookable appointments also have a number of routine appointments which are given out first thing each day. It would be worth finding out if this surgery offers this as it may be quicker.

A telephone appointment is also often available sooner than a pre-bookable one. A family member could chat with a GP about what's going on and they may well be able to offer a face-to-face appointment more quickly based on that.