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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU To think this is an urgent appointment?

153 replies

Glitter99x · 14/07/2019 13:52

Hi bit of a sensitive topic here. My DP’s grandmother has suspected dementia. All the classic signs- forgetting often, asking things multiple times etc. Over the past year it has gotten worse, even her brother who lives in Fife and doesn’t have that much contact with her, has noticed within a few months how much she had changed. She thinks DP and I live together, we don’t and we have said this before, she was adamant once her daughter (DP’s aunt) was mad at her when she had been there the day before. That his mum hadn’t taken them shopping when she had that day earlier. I may be not that accurate about the last two incidences but they aren’t far off if they are a little wrong.

Anyway, my DP’s grandfather who lives and is married to his grandmother is worried sick, they are elderly. It’s too much for him to cope with, he has us of course but he is struggling. He confided in the pharmacist when getting his medication. The pharmacist without even being asked booked an appointment for DP’s grandmother, which was really kind. DP’s grandmother is Very stubborn, and there is no way she would of gone if she wasn’t told it was for a checkup. We thought it was with a doctor she would be seeing. It was a nurse. DP’s mum went with them as she was worried DP’s grandmother would kick off 😂. This nurse was pathetic. She didn’t know what grandmother was there for, DP’s mum had to actually tell her she was there for a blood pressure test and blood tests. They had thought she would be seeing a doctor regarding what we think is her dementia. DP’s mother and grandfather went to the receptionist and told her it is urgent, she needs to be seen ASAP. They were told a three week wait. AIBU To think that they should be prioritising a dementia appointment at the doctors? That is should be an emergency? DP’s mum said it is an emergency to us, but not to them, as it doesn’t affect them. I’m sorry but surely a dementia appointment is more important than a person with an infected toe for example?! She is elderly!!!!

OP posts:
VivienneHolt · 14/07/2019 16:06

An infected toe could turn to sepsis which is a leading cause of death in the UK and can progress to a deadly stage very quickly.

Dementia is obviously very serious and does need to be addressed as timeously as possible, but it’s not an emergency in the same way that an infection is.

Three weeks is unlikely to be the difference between life and death (or even the cause of significant deterioration) for your relative. Hopefully when you are seen in 3 weeks they will be able to get measures put in place to assist Flowers

londonrach · 14/07/2019 16:10

Yabu. i cant understand why you upset but someone with septis, Pain in heart, etc book appt with gp when they have availably.

tomatostottie · 14/07/2019 16:16

Sorry, it's not an emergency. Book a GP appointment for the first slot available.
A relative of mine has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It has taken about 6 months from first going to the GP to being given the definitive diagnosis. He has had various tests at the memory clinic and a brain scan as well but he had to wait quite a long time for the appointments to come through.
He has now been put on medication.

Going to the GP tomorrow morning doesn't mean your DP's grandmother will be on medication by the afternoon.
What I don't understand is why DP's Mum told the nurse that she was there for blood pressure and blood tests. Did poor Grandma have to have blood taken just because DP's Mum didn't want to say what the issue was? DP's Mum should have just said what it was - or, if she didn't want to say it in front of grandmother, sent her out of the room for a few minutes. The nurse wasn't to know what it was all about if no one told her!

Rememberfluffthecat · 14/07/2019 16:20

YABU to call the nurse pathetic. How was she to know granny was there for suspected dementia if nobody told her??

Dotty1970 · 14/07/2019 16:22

Your wrong on many levels and elderly people are NOT a priority.

Maryann1975 · 14/07/2019 16:23

My Nan has dementia, she now lives in a care home, but I do remember being in your position about 5 years ago and to us, yes it was an emergency type situation, but honestly, there isn’t really a great lot they can do now that they can’t do in 3 weeks time. She will still have dementia, she will still forget, you will still be worried.

While you wait for the next appointment to come through, maybe think through some strategies that will work for your family to help make the situation easier. Can you leave meals ready to be microwaved or get some kind of meals on wheels to come by each day. Is medication easy to sort out (a day per pot type packaging). Can they/family afford to pay a career to come in each day to help with practical dressing/washing routines (and when I say afford, this isn’t a time to be saving money, this is what they have maybe saved for).
I can’t really remember what was put in place for my Nan, within a year we moved her into a care home as it was too much for my grandfather to deal with. I hope you are able to put things in place to help your grandparents get through this time.

RockinHippy · 14/07/2019 16:28

Dementia isn't an emergency & the GP would have passed her onto a qualified nurse for memory checks any

RockinHippy · 14/07/2019 16:29

Anyway

Damn you autocorrect Hmm

That's not to minimise your worries, just facts

JazzyGG · 14/07/2019 16:29

I think dementia is an emergency as it affects everyone around them and people need help things can change very fast despite what others are saying , unfortunately GP's are reluctant to diagnose as there isn't always help available and it is a constant struggle. It's a national disgrace to be honest but I hope you are in an area where she can get help.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 14/07/2019 16:33

I don't think the medical diagnosis is an emergency but social services might well take a different view if she or her husband are at risk of harm. I'd start with Adult Social Care to see what help is available to them as my first priority. The doctor's appointment can come later.

Ladvisor · 14/07/2019 16:35

GP won't diagnose, she'll refer your to a Consultant at the memory clinic.

CanILeavenowplease · 14/07/2019 16:36

You can get a medication to help it and the sooner the better

Depends on the nature of the dementia. There is no medication for vascular dementia.

I’m not sure others understand the impact dementia has on a family

A diagnosis will not change that. And one of the most difficult things to deal with is that families have to cope or put their loved one in a home. Dementia can go on for years. The NHS doesn’t really deal with it other than to diagnose, and getting a diagnosis can be difficult. It’s very much a social care issue.

There are various groups on Facebook - I particularly liked one called Dementia Connection.

LolaSmiles · 14/07/2019 16:41

I think dementia is an emergency as it affects everyone around them and people need help things can change very fast despite what others are saying
A gradual decline over time is not an emergency.
If someone is having a health emergency and is in imminent danger then it's an emergency and in those situations the patient is often removed to a residential unit.
There is a difference between an emergency and important.
unfortunately GP's are reluctant to diagnose as there isn't always help available and it is a constant struggle
GPs don't diagnose dementia so it's not a case of being reluctant to diagnose.
With all the people I know who have experience with relatives it involves referrals, consultants out, therapists out, time in an observation unit, and so on.

The idea that an emergency GP appointment will give a diagnosis and medication is ludicrous. It's not an emergency.

VenusTiger · 14/07/2019 16:45

If his grandfather can’t cope... that’s where family step in to help until his grandmother gets professional help. She doesn’t need to know why one of the family is spending time there daily... take the strain off the grandfather- sounds to me as if this is the “emergency” here.

GhostHoward · 14/07/2019 16:49

I have a lot of sympathy for you OP (My grandma, who's now in a home) gets dementia symptoms when she has a urine infection.

However, you suggesting that dementia is more of an emergency than an infection (yes, even an infected toe) is way out of line. Sepsis doesn't care what body part is infected....a major organ or a tiny cut on an extremity.

I'm sure people can correct me if I'm wrong, but if your grandma is suffering from dementia (and if they took bloods then they can rule out infection), and your grandfather can't cope, then instead of getting doctors appointments I'd be looking at care homes, especially if she's difficult.

Comefromaway · 14/07/2019 16:49

I’m really sorry but from experience this won’t be easy.

We are convinced that dh’s mum has dementia. His dad isn’t in the best of health and was having suicidal thoughts. She’s not safe to be left alone. But when he persuaded her to go to the dr for a check up because she’s in denial he can’t do anything. She was reported to the DVLA and so was referred to the memory clinic but refused to go. The Dr can’t do anything unless she agrees.

Meanwhile fil isn’t coping.

Villageidiots · 14/07/2019 16:49

My mum had vascular dementia. It certainly wasn't ever treated as urgent by the docs. She got referred to the memory clinic for diagnosis. Basically we had v v limited help or support during the 8 years that followed (she died in January). I wish you luck and hope that you have more help than we did.

lololove · 14/07/2019 17:04

Unfortunately it's not known to be a quick process. My grandfather has his tests (inc hospital tests) for diagnosis early August. He got the results and his actual diagnosis (moderate to severe v. Dementia) on the 20th October, the day before his birthday ironically.

We also had to fight his doctor for a diagnosis and the tests before that as his doctor was adamant he was 'fine' so that took April to August! Same doctor that didn't believe us he was an alcoholic until he was in hospitals still 8 times over the drink drive limit 24 hours after he'd stopped drinking(!!!)

This was about 8 years ago. It hasn't sped up any according to what my friend is going through and we live in a very small backwater town with around 120, 000 people in our local area. I'd imagine it would be worse in bigger cities.

Good luck my lovely, its hard but it will happen.

Coyoacan · 14/07/2019 17:05

An aunt of mine had dementia and the family never pointed out that she had asked a question she already had the answer to or pointed out the many things she forgot. I think that really made a difference to her quality of life and cut down on her stress.

transformandriseup · 14/07/2019 17:06

Age concern have advice on their website about how to arrange care and Care needs assessment.

It may be good to rule out a UTI as the symptoms can be to dementia.

Family may need to step in to help until the assessment can be done.

Jamhandprints · 14/07/2019 17:07

The grandfather needs to go himself and explain how he is feeling, so they can check his bp, let him know what assistance there is etc.

transformandriseup · 14/07/2019 17:07

That should say can be similar to dementia

lololove · 14/07/2019 17:08

I've just realised you said something about getting medication to help it. Unfortunately, unless it's changed since my grandad was diagnosed (he's still here and still fighting - literally sometimes Grin) unless you have 1 specific type there is no medication that can make dementia 'better' unfortunately

Mammajay · 14/07/2019 17:08

Definitely not an emergency.

RockinHippy · 14/07/2019 17:12

Get her B12 checked & read up in the deficiency too. It's regularly missed & would cause these symptoms too. Treatment with B12 injections can make a huge difference

Tracey Wittys B12 website is the best place to find all of the correct information in one place & help fighting fir treatment if needed. Tbh, at this age, it should be standard that she needs & gets these injections as our ability to process B12 diminishes from 60 onwards, that's even if you are healthy& have no other factors to cause deficiency, such as H.Pulori, gallbladder disease, PA etc