To be distressed how ASD is the go-to MN diagnoses for nasty or batshit behaviour

[ASDistress]

Time and time again, I read MNetters suggest that ASD is the reason for someones’s nasty or batshit behaviour?

This type of ignorance and prejudice stops me from being open about my disabilities and thus not getting the support I need.

These attitudes disable me far more than any atypical brain processes and it hurts.

It physically hurts to read it as I know that it’s a reflection of society at large.

Which threads are you talking about OP?
You can report any threads or posts you feel are particularly ignorant.
Apart from the spouse support thread which I know is contentious and/or triggering for some I haven't seen much disablist content of late.
I agree that 'autism' has become a stock reply like 'LTB/cherchez la femme' on relationships.
But that said, I am not sure posters are always trying to shift blame or point the finger that bad traits are autistic traits. I think often on threads where for example a child or mother have been distressed then a reply often comes back - maybe they have special needs because maybe they have. When people tut seeing an autistic child in full meltdown they often judge without knowing the true picture of what anxiety or sensory unload or triggers can do.

Many threads to do with autism become autistics vs carers or classic autism versus aspergers...when often advocacy is advocacy and we're all on the same team - neurodiversity itself is not a flaw but society often seems unable/unwilling to adapt itself wrt atypical behaviour.

Nasty and Batshit can be neurotypical and neurodiverse. Some people are just dicks. Also you can come across dicks who happen to be autistic. Nobody is immune to acting like an arse sometimes.
But I know that's not what you meant - you mean Autism as a default diagnosis on here.

YANBU. I'm sorry you are feeling misunderstood and stigmatised. Unfortunately it can work the other way round too: people observe the behaviour of my autistic ds and just assume he is a spoilt, ill-disciplined brat. Yet while some people are very ignorant I find many others to be understanding and kind.

I agree. Often someone posts about a child with really poor behaviour and immediately a heap of others are in with 'but it could be SEN/autism'. I have a DC with autism and I find it actually unhelpful, it just perpetuates stereotypes.

Yes, Sen can make children - and adults - behave in ways that would look like bad behaviour in NT people, but poor parenting, rude children and horrible NT adults do exist in real life, unlike what you'd think from some threads here.

Yanbu - it’s all over the thread about the neighbour shopping despite the fact that the OP has confirmed she doesn’t have ASD, and plenty of posters who do have ASD staring that she has been rude and batshit.

Have just read back my post and I hope it comes across as I want it to.
In short YANBU but with the caveat that I haven't seen whichever thread has hurt you.
But I am sorry you feel hurt.
Plus above I am not saying spouse support thread is disablist, it is a support thread much needed for one particular group. Any of us who need support can start support chats to the same end - I do wonder whether there should be an autistics support group on here run by posters with ASD where they can talk about experiences they are having on here and from the so-called neurotypical world.
I do have a good response for any threads where Batshit/Nasty is being framed as ASD.
Simply write underneath when someone writes 'maybe they have ASD'
you could write 'maybe they're just neurotypical a dick'
Hope this helps
Have a great Sunday x

Don't think a bunch of random strangers on the internet can stop you discussing your needs in real life.

That must be very upsetting. Especially when you read about an adult who has behaved on a bizarre or inappropriate way and medical diagnoses are thrown about amongst loads of other "hilarious" reactions.

Report the conversations for moderators to review and try and ignore.

Dammit, that came out wrong too
I meant 'maybe they're just neurotypical' or 'maybe they're just a dick'
Not all neurotypicals are dicks either except for my husband
I have not seen the shopping thread - I will have a look now.
Best wishes to all.

Absolutely agree. It happens constantly on here. Every time someone behaves like an arsehole, it must be because they’re autistic. For the person who was asking which threads, here’s one which was just posted this morning:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3637428-To-think-my-neighbours-behaviour-was-outrageous

It happens quite a alot and a few threads have been deleted recently.

The most noticable for me lately was the one where the OP thought the guy she was dating was behaving poor because she thought he either had ASD or came from Rural Ireland

On almost all threads where the Op is describing consistently poor or abusive behaviour by their partner, someone pops up with 'could he be on the spectrum?'.

It's like people cant comprehend that NT people can also behaved poorly and be abusers.

Yanbu, it hurts and makes me also wary of telling people as they will then distance themselves in case I display such behavior (I don't).

Just as offensive as the anti-vaxxer threads where they are literally saying that they would rather risk death and disability in their precious baby than have a child like me.

It physically hurts to read it as I know that it’s a reflection of society at large.

Could you reframe it as a positive thing? It’s not that what’s being said is “people with autism are nasty/batshit” it’s that they’re saying “this behaviour isn’t in line with social norms, is that something you struggle with?”

It’s a sign society at large is becoming more understanding of autism.

totally agree. I have responded in the past you threads like that telling the posters how crap and unreasonable that is and I got shot down by the others, was told I don't understand ASD and how it affects others etc .

for context, one of my DDs is severely autistic and it still took years to get a dx after assessments by paed, salt and OT. it's wasn't an armchair internet dx

Could you reframe it as a positive thing? It’s not that what’s being said is “people with autism are nasty/batshit” it’s that they’re saying “this behaviour isn’t in line with social norms, is that something you struggle with?”

that's is the whole point of the post. It so not a sign of ASD to be nasty etc.

usually, being nasty and rude is just that - and has nothing to do with ASD.

I have/am ASD and go with RhiWrites interpretation.

YANBU. the neighbour thread really pissed me off this morning

I understand what you are saying. There are plenty of adults about who are just unpleasant. There are though some people who believe that all challenging behaviour is caused by poor parenting and won't accept that it is due to autism in some people ( although most of the time, it society failing to meet the needs of people with autism).

I agree. It’s always suggested that they have autism or dementia. However some people are just unpleasant arseholes (And always have been).

It’s naive and misleading to state that ASD doesn’t sometimes mean behaviour that can be interpreted as unpleasant, inconsiderate or even downright bizarre, is par for the course.

It’s a sign society at large is becoming more understanding of autism.

I think it's a sign they think they know autism but really don't at all.

People's postings about autism on mn apart from in the sn section, tend to be wildly inaccurate, offensive in a a lot of cases and like playing bingo. "label" "wild generalisations backed up by a vague connection, my sisters boyfriends second cousin has autism and I met him once so I'm a world leader in autism." "were all on the spectrum" bingo!

yanbu
had a read of the linked thread and some of the posts are very bad. "asd or batshit" imo is disablist.
bad person = asd, is as bad as all people with < insert disability> are < insert trait> = disablist

I agree with Stamz

The general population’s “understanding” of autism very, very rarely goes beyond gross stereotyping. And that’s not helpful to anyone.

It’s a sign society at large is becoming more understanding of autism.

It's really not.

It's a sign that poor behaviour is written off as 'probably asd'

Ah, a lot to process here.

It’s every damn day, shopping, cruel comments about stillborn babies, every type of abusive behaviour in fact has the ASD label attached at some point.

Preggo, I do actually do think that a bunch of internet strangers can prevent me from talking about my needs in real life.

As Howslow shows, people with ASD are not a homogenous group as I agree with rainbowbashes interpretation of RhiWrites post.

I feel that there is very little awareness and understanding of ASD but a lot of inaccurate and damaging assumed knowledge born from ignorance and stereotypes and these attitudes are a mirror of real life.

I have been sidelined and stigmatised pretty much every time I’ve disclosed and then quietly ‘managed out’ so no I don’t feel it's a sign that society is more understanding of ASD at all.

I do report but and the MN team do their best but it doesn’t lessen the impact.

It’s upsetting as Internet forums are a really important part of my life.

Unfortunately MN feels like another space where I feel that I should feel lucky to be tolerated and not included.

Don’t forget dementia! Anyone over 50 who behaves badly has dementia (and probably ASD) according to MN.

I agree with you - autism does not equal bad/abusive behaviour but is often suggested to explain and excuse it.

And then there’s the mantra that all people with MH issues are unstable and badly behaved too, so you can throw undiagnosed depression/anxious into the mix with ASD and dementia as top excuses for the badly behaved.

It gives you an insight into how difficult things are in life for people who genuinely have these issues - all the stereotypes flying around that these conditions always cause people to be arseholes.

We still have a long, long way to go.