To be distressed how ASD is the go-to MN diagnoses for nasty or batshit behaviour

[ASDistress]

Time and time again, I read MNetters suggest that ASD is the reason for someones’s nasty or batshit behaviour?

This type of ignorance and prejudice stops me from being open about my disabilities and thus not getting the support I need.

These attitudes disable me far more than any atypical brain processes and it hurts.

It physically hurts to read it as I know that it’s a reflection of society at large.

Mother of child with ASD

I can only profess to be an expert in my child. The combinations of sensory / communication etc issues that result in an autism diagnosis are hugely varied.

Society doesn't really understand the spectrum - they think of autism as a continuum.

I agree OP - whilst people think they are more aware of autism, the understanding of nuance etc is very poor.

FWIW plenty of autistic people are if anything overly empathetic and sensitive to others if not always communicated in that way.

I hate that it's only ever negative behaviour that's referred to as 'maybe autism'.

Also agree with your feelings on anti vaxxers - fucking stupid and offensive all at once

Yanbu!! I am very sorry Op. this must be hard
I don't know what the solution is.

if anything autistic people are overly empathetic and sensitive to people if not always communicated in this way

Yes, my son is like this.

Nonetheless, it is not disabilist for people to be uncomfortable with it.

@rainbowbash

Could you reframe it as a positive thing? It’s not that what’s being said is “people with autism are nasty/batshit” it’s that they’re saying “this behaviour isn’t in line with social norms, is that something you struggle with?”

that's is the whole point of the post. It so not a sign of ASD to be nasty etc.

usually, being nasty and rude is just that - and has nothing to do with ASD.

I think that it is this kind of thinking that makes it so difficult for people with ASD.

I always try to be a kind, helpful person and do my best to do the right thing, but so often get misunderstood.

Apparently I am arrogant, snooty, shifty, cold etc. whereas in fact I am highly anxious and it is people with attitudes like yours that actually make it worse.

I inadvertently offended an acquaintance the other day. TBH I did not even know what I did wrong, but recognised that her manner / behaviour changed towards me.

I was mortified and tried to diffuse the situation with a smile.

My smile apparently showed 'my true nastiness' whereas it was only a sign of my high anxiety / nervousness.

Not being picky but I'm slightly misquoted below:

I actually said:

FWIW plenty of autistic people are if anything overly empathetic and sensitive to others if not always communicated in that way.

The 'plenty of' is important as it stops it being a generalisation ( which given the content of the rest of my post) would be contradictory.

Am on that thread now - it's currently 99% that the OP troll? is being unreasonable. Since the voting stats came in I think that's a record for unanimous.
A couple of people mention perhaps the OP has poor social interaction but autism is not mentioned until half way through on page 6:
'Being serious for a moment OP are you autistic? My son is and while he’s only young I can see how he might not realize there’s nothing wrong with what you suggested'

I don't think that Mum is being rude intentionally - she has extrapolated her own son's reactions, bearing in her mind he's only little, with the adult OP.

'Are you autistic or on the spectrum, OP? The way you write and the very literal way you seem to take things makes me wonder if perhaps you have a social disorder of some sort, and that's why you seem oblivious to the oddness of what you've done.'

Could report this one - again, it's taking ONE trait - taking things literally and applying it to diagnose the OP.

The OP is the same poster who allegedly made a parent bringing their child for a play date sit outside because she doesn’t like people in her house. I cannot tell if they are a troll or a dick at this point. Someone is trying to teach them social conventions/why their train of thought is not what others would think.

Someone else has picked up on the OP's obsession with not allowing people in their car/home as an idee fixe.

'But as others mentioned, you do take things quite literally and seem confused about the whole situation- could you potentially be autistic OP?'

Okay so we are on comment #4 by now and it is lazy/feeding the troll at this point.

The original mum comes back and apologises.

The OP at this point says they are not autistic.

for AllyBamma
I wish people would stop trying to use undiagnosed autism as a rationale for appalling behaviour. Sometimes, people are just ignorant arseholes.

Exactly. Wish there was a Like Button.

Social norms mentioned again then kudos to SausageEggAndSpam

The whole point is, that even some of us genuinely ON the ASD spectrum KNOW that stopping to offer to take a struggling neighbour's shopping home for them ALSO means taking the neighbour too, unless there's no room in the car.

Winterlife's 'Go get tested for autism' does not come across well given that someone actually autistic just seconds before said they would understand a lift offer meant shopping + person. Hollyhobbi then claims her undiagnosed sister who is 'definitely' on the spectrum

Not an intentional misquote Miss

Thank you for being gracious

I work with teenagers and families and I have had many parents tell us that their child has ADHD. We have to accept what they say.
However it soon becomes apparent the children that genuinely do have it and those that have never had boundaries and consequences put in place.
Those that have it and are on medication can still struggle.
Those that have a diagnose by mum and dad learn how to behave in different situations. They are with us for support and we dont put up with any shit for the sake of it - I'm not saying we are heartless, we understand about ACEs, support kids that have been through trauma and soon and can work in a certain way with them that is appropriate. Those that have been able to please themselves, not go to school because they dont want to, think they can do what they want and knowthey have the backing of mum and dad to say ' It's their ADHD, that's to blame' are more challenging!!

I understand you OP.

I feel completely the same op.

I have ASD and also bpd. Have you read some of the uninformed and abusive posts people on here write about BPD? It's horrendous. It's usually when there is no actual diagnosis of the person they are talking about.
It makes me so so upset.

So called 'Autism parents' are the worst. It's all about how amazing they are as parents and how they deserve medals. Utter bullshit.

People on here think that ASD stops at age 18. Because certain behaviours become unacceptable after that age regardless of disability in their eyes.

I'm glad someone feels the same as me xxx

I have mentioned it a couple of times on threads, but now I think about it, it could be confirmation bias. I didnt really understand asd until ds was diagnosed. I try to be quite careful with my wording though.

It’s a sign society at large is becoming more understanding of autism.

No it isn’t. It’s a sign that society at large doesn’t understand autism at all, and sees it as something to blame poor behaviour on. YANBU OP.

I wish people would stop trying to use undiagnosed autism as a rationale for appalling behaviour. Sometimes, people are just ignorant arseholes.

Exactly. Wish there was a Like Button.

Same for dementia and mental health issues (and don't get me started on 'undiagnosed mental health issues'.

Some people are rude arseholes and there's nothing more to it. There doesn't need to be 'but they're probably on the spectrum/probably got dementia'.
Some people don't like being told they're wrong or have been out of order and armchair "but I have undiagnosed X Y Z" is highly unhelpful for people who gebuinely DO have X Y Z because people appropriate the label to themselves as validation for their behaviour.

There's a lot of work to go in terms of being more accepting of neurodiversity and having SEND used as a snippy comment in response to 'someone being rude or unpleasant' doesn't help as it perpetuates negative stereotypes.

YANBU. Everyone who behaves like a total dick is suggested to have x or y condition... It's utterly ridiculous.

I don't think society has become more understanding of autism at all, people have a very narrow view of what they think autism is they forget it's a spectrum and that it affects everyone differently,but that said people On here like to give everyone an armchair diagnosis , every one who they don't like ( usually mothers in laws or ex husbands) are narcissists or Narcs

topup

Apparently I am arrogant, snooty, shifty, cold etc. whereas in fact I am highly anxious and it is people with attitudes like yours that actually make it worse.

eh? which of my attitude. I stated that being rude and nasty is not a sign of Asd. and I stand by that. DD is severely autistic and we have lots of friends in the ASD community. I don't judge. I just don't consider being nasty a sign of autism. That is all!

I think anyone who gives a 'diagnosis' on a post should have their comment removed as it's completely inappropriate.

lunaland
That's quite a good idea, unless it's a thread where someone is actively seeking advice in that area.

So 'DM has been slowly behaving differently, she's done X Y Z and it's out of character. Do you think it's worth exploring dementia?' wouldn't get a delete.
But, 'Next door neighbour's always yelling at their child who is really badly behaved. Their DC has keyed our car, tells my children to fuck off on a daily basis and is forever in trouble at school' would get a delete from any 'YABU they're probably autistic' comments.

YANBU OP.
Often posters on here conflate poor behaviour with ASD. Happens in real life too, though in a slightly different way - that some people hear ASD and expect poor behaviour. Says far more about them than it does the person they are judging.
I’m very open about having Aspergers. A few weeks ago I was talking to a newish acquaintance in the village we’ve recently moved to. Something came up about a mutual friend and I said ‘oh I have Aspergers too’. She immediately pulled a face and in all seriousness said ‘are you going to hit me?’. Nope, never hit anyone in my life, but she told me more in that sentence about herself than she could ever hope to know about me.

YANBU at all.
Person’s a wanker= must be autistic/dementing/have MH issues.

Or maybe they’re just born with a cleft arsehole and that’s who they are or who they’ve become after years of bitterness/trauma/a bad marriage/or for no reason at all.

ASD is a blanket diagnosis for everything it seems.

@LolaSmiles
Yes I agree with you.

Thanks so much for everyone’s comments, I’m really grateful for all of them and am processing them all - it’s a bit overwhelming!

Just for now

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine- your post brought tears to my eyes, it pretty much summarises how I feel - thanks so so much for taking the time and being open. I’m really grateful and I wish I knew you IRL!

rainbowbash I think Top was talking about the attitudes she’s encountered at work - I’ve had the same snooty/up herself/thinks she’s better than us accusations when all I’m desperately trying to do is ‘mask’ and get by.

It reminds me of when I told my friend I’d struggled with PND after DC2 and her response was,”God. I could never imagine wanting to drown my baby.”

The thought of harming my DD in any way had never even entered my mind.

I completely agree! I'm not an expert on autism by any stretch of the imagination but DD's best friend has an Asperger's diagnosis. She is the best behaved teenager around and a pleasure to have in the house. Yes she says some odd things and is "quirky" but is not badly behaved.

This idea that everyone who does weird things, or is rude or downright nasty mist be autistic must be hugely offensive to those people who are autistic or who have autistic children. It's the same with anxiety. Nobody can be a wee bit worried about something or not comfortable with a certain situation without the armchair medics giving them a formal diagnosis of "anxiety".

I've just read my first post back and feel I need to clarify that when I say 'autism parents' I don't mean all parents of people with ASD. It's a specific type that call themselves an autism parent.
I usually come across them when searching online on how to cope when you have ASD.

I know what you mean

The kids I know with this specific issue have their own struggles to contend with but it’s not always necessarily behaviour issues

I am no expert but I think children will poor behavioural issues are most often reflecting back poor , chaotic home lives or more deep seated emotional issues

I think we massively underestimate this issue