To be distressed how ASD is the go-to MN diagnoses for nasty or batshit behaviour

[ASDistress]

Time and time again, I read MNetters suggest that ASD is the reason for someones’s nasty or batshit behaviour?

This type of ignorance and prejudice stops me from being open about my disabilities and thus not getting the support I need.

These attitudes disable me far more than any atypical brain processes and it hurts.

It physically hurts to read it as I know that it’s a reflection of society at large.

But at least people are becoming aware that some unusual behaviours they experience from others may be to do with a disability rather than someone being ‘weird’ or rude

I think with kids people are becoming more understanding . I work with an adult who is certainly on the spectrum , and I can’t say much more for confidentially . To work with they are a bloody nightmare . Some due to their issues (control , decision making , reading , sensory etc ) and some due to being a bit of a twat . But when it came to them potentially losing their job I found myself surprisingly protective of them .

I am very sorry to have offended you . I have two close family members with ASD so I am learning as I go along . I don’t like you tone at all so will find another place to educate myself I think . I can’t seem to be able to articulate my concern /thoughts without being called a fairly vile term .

YANBU

It drives me bonkers and I don't have autism. However I work with kids and a lot of them do have it. I find it insulting and demeaning on their behalf. While some behaviours can be extreme, I don't recognise the dickish and abusive behaviours (especially abusive) attributed to autistic people on here in them.

The way I see it

1.some people are dicks. That's it.

2.some people with autism can also be dicks.

1. While some traits of autism are fairly spread and common, the way they manifest and are expressed are individual. I know it's a cliche but if you've met one person with autism,you've met one person of autism.

The people that read what they perceive as autistic traits and how an autistic person would behave and try to use it as a justification for unreasonable/abusive/dickish behaviour aren't doing the OP any good, and do a disservice to people that do have autism. And they're all doe eyed innocents "why do people think kids/adults with autism behave badly?". In some cases if I'm honest it just looks like soap box self righteous "I'm so accepting " bullshit while peddling offensive stereotypes,misconceptions and myths.

Kid A: polite,very well behaved, behind academically a few years, repeats things a lot, obsessive over things that aren't mainstream for his age (i.e. old actor from Neighbours),presents some stymying behaviours,likes holding hands.

Kid B: rude, violent, does what he wants when he wants, short attention span, very clever and able but unwilling to put pen on paper. Also funny, very chatty, wide vocabulary and enjoys human contact..hand on shoulder,cuddle etc.

Kid C: loves cuddles,having his back scratched,makes eye contact, enjoys friendships and being around people,pleasant,quite able academically,various interests, doesn't like it when things don't go his way,loves drawing.

Kid D: charming, loves playing, jokes and mucking around. Will ignore most instructions unless you do a countdown, work will depend on his mood, responds better to some adults than others, forms close bonds with certain adults and peers. Avoids nearly all forms of human contact.

Which one has autism?

Imagine I post this in Relationships board: I went to A&E today with DS who had a serious accident. As he was being triaged, DH walked out of the room. Just up and left. No idea where he went. The nurses looked up at me shocked - our son very clearly needed his parents. Then he came back and a bit later he did the same again. When we were waiting for the Dr he disappeared again and I could see him on his phone through an internal window. There was no emergency to be dealing with other than his son! Later when we came home, he refused to eat dinner with us!! DS has an injury that makes eating difficult and he wanted support, but DH refused. I don't know what to do. It was so, so stressful and he just walked off to be on his phone leaving me to deal with everything!! Then ignored us later!! DS was in pain and then confused and upset at his dad leaving him. I don't know what to do. And not to dripfeed but DD5 was there too so when he walked out, I had to keep an eye on her whilst dealing with the nurses and DS.

Now if you read that on the Relationships board - and this all happened btw, I'm not making any of it up - you'd likely think a) he was being a dick or b) you might sense something else that may have been going on and ask the question that this thread hates: "Does he have autism?"

If he doesn't have autism, yeah, he had shitty behaviour.

If you understand how autism can present when someone is stressed, you might see some patterns here and mention it. Because really, the above situation is COMPLETELY different when you understand that my DH has autism and couldn't cope in the hospital and then couldn't cope at home seeing DS suffer while he tried to eat. So he left because he was completely overwhelmed, not because he was wanting to check his phone, or couldn't be bothered or other such unacceptable reason.

If my DH was undiagnosed - which he was for a long time - his behaviour would be measured against NT behaviour and impossible expectations placed on him.

However, I do agree that bad behaviour (usually men's) is too often explained away by "does he have autism?" but as I hope I've shown, it's also not entirely black and white. Especially in over 40s as it's very often not been diagnosed and won't be if they are high functioning.

ahumanfemale - in a normal world people would raise eyebrows at that BUT would (I hope) ask more questions about how usual this behaviour was, does DH normally parent well etc. etc. On Mumsnet that would get several pages of abusive language aimed at DH saying that he was abusive, controlling, blh, blah. Add a few fucks, cunts and equally delightful terms and you'd have the usual LTB that's so popular. (Naturally if it was actually the case that DH didn't have autism and was actually a controlling bastard then it would be a dozen pages saying he was autistic )
I do hope Mumsnet isn't represent of the wide world.

FriarTuck given what I see of DHs behaviour in the wider world, I'd say (in his case) it's actually a case of it's accepted as being quirky, or just ignored (not him, just the odd behaviour) as people tend to focus on the qualities they connect with.

I'd say that once a label is applied though, things change. I personally find that the autism spectrum may have some uses, but it's SO wide and rather vague, especially now that Aspergers has been removed, that people can't have an accurate idea about it because there are far far too many variations. I don't blame them for not understanding - how could they without a PhD in it!

Have not got to the bottom yet, but please stop referring to people as 'autistics', or those who are 'autism parents'.

I am not 'an autistic', I am a person who has autism. There are only parents of children with autism, Not parenting an autistic.

It's reducing the person to a single trait, it's just unacceptable.