To be distressed how ASD is the go-to MN diagnoses for nasty or batshit behaviour

[ASDistress]

Time and time again, I read MNetters suggest that ASD is the reason for someones’s nasty or batshit behaviour?

This type of ignorance and prejudice stops me from being open about my disabilities and thus not getting the support I need.

These attitudes disable me far more than any atypical brain processes and it hurts.

It physically hurts to read it as I know that it’s a reflection of society at large.

There's the mn with sn section, although the asd support thread is deader then it was a couple of years ago, it used to be trolled in the early hours when mods weren't on and it died off a bit after that

can I ask, if you don't mind, how your childhood damaged you - was it because masking is so exhausting or because you were misunderstood - how could your parents have helped you do you think looking back? thanks in advance x
Hi - obviously it was a lot of things which would take forever to explain and be quite boring but, yes, I think a lot of it was masking all day and then also being expected to do the same at home (my parents weren’t able to distinguish between tearfulness and bad behaviour). Being expected to maintain a painfully polite poker face through years and years of sensory overload etc took its toll, and I had no way of articulating this anyway.

I was also bullied and ostracised a lot, for reasons which were never especially clear. Mostly I just needed people to cut me some slack - I think there’s a misconception that autistic children who do fine academically and don’t have behavioural issues etc don’t need a diagnosis.

autisticadvocacy.org/about-asan/identity-first-language/

dart.ed.ac.uk/autism-language/

theconversation.com/watch-your-language-when-talking-about-autism-44531

www.abc.net.au/life/autistic-or-has-autism-why-words-matter-and-how-to-get-it-right/10903768

One of my pupils liked the term 'aspie'. Posters on here told me they preferred Autistic as opposed to Person who has autism because it was who they were (I think it was a thread about the actually autistic hashtagbut I cannot find it and I think that # has come in for criticism of late anyway).

I am sorry Safe Space made you cringe Kendrick and hope you did not delete your post because you have decided I am no longer an ally as you put it. I am open to all criticism and am happy to change language accordingly.

It’s not that autism itself constitutes my identity, it’s that I am who I am because i am autistic.

The pp who I quoted said it was identity first.

Who you I am and who my son is, is not purely down to our autism. People with autism also have the same influencers that NT people have. IE their upbringing, trauma, people they admire and have interacted , experiences etc also are part of a person with autisim.

That why, everyone I know doesnt like the term 'autistics'. Just like you wouldnt call people 'downs' because they have downs syndrome.

Sorry, that was to protein
kendrick sorry, that doesn't read well. I meant you called me an ally not that you said I was no longer one iyswim. I've just never called myself an ally - I treat everyone as they should be treated I hope. Not that I'm not an ally but...oh, you know what I mean.
smoothy thank you. I was asking because I am a mum to a small, undiagnosed child and I think it must be exhausting being him. He hates crowds, loudness, bright lights, layers, labels - there are definite sensory issues there. He also hates being the centre of attention, most social gatherings, travel.
Loves hugs at his own instigation, Pat and bloody Jen videos (don't ask) and swimming and animals.
I don't know how to discipline him - he hates being told off and usually spirals/escalates/runs away. He is very anxious and I took him out of kindergarten as he was a bundle hiding in a toilet cubicle or lashing out when not allowed in his safe space which was a tent I fought for. I am scared that teachers will label me as that parent - the one who did not instil enough boundaries - when in fact I have just spent the last three years trying to keep him on an even keel while letting him be him.

Protein as I said before, I am always still learning and did not mean to cause hurt or disrespect people's preferences. But from the links above, it's complex because people have different preferences. I did not mean to cause any offence

Rage what you’ve written about your son definitely resonates! You sound like a lovely and understanding parent

@FaithInfinity thank you for the comic link. I found that very useful.

Yanbu

I'm getting better smoothy - it used to be that I would try and force my son to do things I thought he would enjoy or 'what was best for him'. I then realized I was trying to force a square peg into a round hole and causing anxiety and doing things for me not for him because I had preconceived ideas of what makes a good parent.
It's still hard because I have two other children and my son would never leave the house if he had his way, unless it's swimming - he absolutely loves swimming. But I no longer inflict things on him - especially social situations and I abort within ten seconds if he suddenly cannot handle a situation or it is not what he envisioned it to be. Am still learning

I can confirm that the overwhelming majority of the many autistic people with whom I’ve discussed the issue prefer “autistic” to “has autism”. I also prefer “autistic”.
Ditto. I'm not a person with anything. My autism is so much a part of me that it influences most of what I do or how I do it.

... and there are a lot of members of the ASD community who cannot make the choice between having ASD or being autistic.

I prefer the first one. DD is first and foremost a person in her own right how happens to have autism (and severe LDs).

Equally a lot of us prefer ASC (autistic spectrum condition) to ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) - I don't like disorder of any kind so I'm damned if I'm making it part of my autism

That why, everyone I know doesnt like the term 'autistics'. Just like you wouldnt call people 'downs' because they have downs syndrome.

Well no you wouldn't say that because "downs" isn't an adjective, whereas autistic is. That's the difference. Other conditions do work that way though, there's nothing wrong with saying a person is blind or deaf. So what's the problem with autistic?

... and there are a lot of members of the ASD community who cannot make the choice between having ASD or being autistic. I prefer the first one. DD is first and foremost a person in her own right how happens to have autism (and severe LDs).

An autistic person is no less a person if they're described as being autistic. The terms having autism or worse, person with autism make it sound like something separate from the person, rather than an integral part of them. For people who are offended by the term autistic, are you offended by any other adjectives?
Do you object to the term gay people for example?

YANBU OP. I know someone who does have ASD and is also nasty and very batshit... I also know other people with ASD who are wonderful people. The former blames all of her behaviour on her condition. The latter is mortified by this. It's not as simple as on the spectrum or nasty imo. You can be on spectrum and nasty or on spectrum and nice, as easily as NT and nasty or nice

Do you object to the term gay people for example?
I'm always tempted to describe myself as 'a person with gayness' because it sounds so much more fun than just 'lesbian' or 'gay'

I find the term autistics offensive, although I appreciate Rage that is not your intention (so I wouldn't be offended, but would correct you). It's the same as referring to people with CP as spastics, yes it is an accepted term but you absolutely wouldn't, it's horrible.

And OP you're not being unreasonable at all.

First person language should be ‘autistic people’ surely? ‘Autistics’ bleh. I really don’t like that. I personally prefer ‘person with Autism’ because to me, I have Autism but it doesn’t define me (maybe because of my late diagnosis). However I know I’m in the minority.

I am a TA for children with autism, have been for over 15 years. I have worked in specialist provision, mainstream schools and privately. I have undertaken a lot of training including university level courses looking at autism and associated conditions. I am not an expert by any means but the following is based on observation.
I am not going to comment on the language around autism but I am going to comment on the original point regarding autism and bad behaviour.
I believe that most people (particularly mothers) associate bad behaviour with autism because it is only the children who are not having their needs met and so are reacting to heightened anxiety, sensory overload etc who are noticeable in mainstream schools. These are the children that others will go home telling stories about. Children who are having their needs met and reasonable adjustments made for them are not as visible and may go through their entire schooling without their peers having any idea of their diagnosis.

Isn’t is good that people are more open minded towards special needs and aren’t just quick to call the behaviour as just rudeness or nastiness?

Those who have more to do with anyone with ASD have the chance to really experience more of the many positive attributes that can come with it but often the glaringly stand-out things to the general public are the negative.

I can see why you can feel upset about it, looking at it from that perspective. But at least people are becoming aware that some unusual behaviours they experience from others may be to do with a disability rather than someone being ‘weird’ or rude. Awareness and understanding of special needs won’t happen instantly, but people are starting to learn more about it.

Anotherusefulname from personal experience: the fact that a child is well-behaved does not necessarily mean that their needs are being met. A lot of autistic children experience suicidal thoughts if told off etc.
I wish people were more aware of the fact that hypercompliance can also be a sign that a child is struggling.

smoothy
Absolutely and this is something we watch out for, you can't get it right all the time but keeping communication going with parents tries to ensure that where a child is hypercompliant but in actuality under just as much stress as the child who is lashing out we can reduce their anxieties and stress levels. Making whatever adjustments are necessary, if you are a parent of a child like that and you are not in a school that actively seeks engagement with you please make an appointment with your SENCO or inclusion manager (whichever is your point of contact) and ensure your child is getting the understanding they need. Hypercompliance would certainly be something we would be aware of in our school but not something that would be noticeable to outsiders and so not something I felt relevant to this thread.

Pinkgin22

I am NOT saying that parenting causes ASD . I am not stupid . I am however concerned that it’s become a blanket term to cover many issues . Many kids exhibit challenging behaviours as a result of other issues and people can be too fast to suggest ASD when in face it could be another issue . It’s the same on here . I agree that in in general it’s gone from zero to a hundred on the issue and there is much confusion

However I don’t appreciate being called disablist for a comment you misinterpreted

But at least people are becoming aware that some unusual behaviours they experience from others may be to do with a disability rather than someone being ‘weird’ or rude.
I'm not sure that they are though. There have been plenty of threads where the (usually) DH has behaved in a rigid way with lots of traits that actually do scream autism and yet everyone is quick to pile on and denounce them as 'abusive', 'controlling' and waving 'red flags' - they refuse to consider that actually the person in question (who isn't being abusive or a complete tosser or anything usually insultingly labelled as 'had you considered autism') might be on the spectrum and hence if a discussion was had and potential work-arounds found for the stressors then both parties would be much happier. Oh no, they'd rather shout LTB. You're left with actually abusive = autistic and struggling with certain aspects of life = abusive and grounds for divorce. Totally bonkers.

pika

I am NOT saying that parenting causes ASD . I am not stupid . I am however concerned that it’s become a blanket term to cover many issues

do you know anything about the process of getting an Asd dx? It take usually several years and involves assessments by various specialised medical professionals. To get a dx, you need to demonstrate significant difficulties in three areas (aka triad of impairment). It's bloody hard to get a dx, even for those at the severe end of the sprectrum. It is not a blanket term to cover my issues.

you very obviously have no understanding whatsoever in regards to ASD. As such, you maybe should stay away from threats like this rather than spouting this simply disablist nonsense.