Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you get less respect if you are fat

259 replies

Jojobears · 13/07/2019 16:55

I’m currently fat (16/18), but have been slim previously.

I don’t know if it’s just my self esteem levels, but I really feel that I have less respect from people when I’m fat. Although I could be imagining it.

So, can I ask, do you treat people with less respect if they are fat.

Ps I’m not a daily fail journo. Heaven forbid they employ anyone with a house worth less than 500k

OP posts:
WhiteDust · 14/07/2019 09:03

I seem to attract people if anything. Random people are always starting up conversations with me when we're out and about.
They want to tell me about themselves or just chit chat. Maybe my big fat squishy, non threatening, approachable face draws them in ...

Childrenofthestones · 14/07/2019 09:12

I read a while ago that there is a weight/ wage gap.
Let's be honest though, unless you walk around with your eyes closed there is definitely a weight /class gap too.

Childrenofthestones · 14/07/2019 09:13

Stifledlife. Said.....

"The bigger you are, the more invisible you are."

That works for age too.

WhiteDust · 14/07/2019 09:14

This thread has got me thinking more... I think I actually like being fat. I lost weight a few years ago and was invisible then.
Maybe I'm deluding myself and all the people chatting away to me are secretly thinking 'what a fat lazy cow'.GrinGrinGrinGrin

CoalTit · 14/07/2019 09:31

I'm not from the UK, and I have been surprised several times by English men remarking on my thinness with exaggerated approval, as if remarking on a child's good behaviour. One of them was the man testing my hearing and telling me (wrongly) that I wasn't in much danger of diabetes because I'm "so slim". One of them was a client's son-in-law, and he said it in front of his wife, who'd been telling me she'd always had a problem with her weight.

I don't notice that I get treated with respect in general. I have a very low-status job and my nationality seems to make people assume that I'm intellectually and culturally inferior to them. But this inappropriate, patronising approval from men is quite striking at times.

Crustytoenail · 14/07/2019 10:03

I’m disabled and can’t walk. I have to use a scooter/ electric wheelchair. I am now rather fat

And people make the assumption that I’m just in a wheelchair because I’m fat(?!)

I find this thinking a bit Confused, because the people doing the assuming are normally very fond of the old 'its simple, eat less and move more!' because it's logic. They totally miss the point that it's just as logical that someone will put on weight when they can't move as much or more. It's quite a simple concept, yet I think it's just in some people's nature to assume it's a fault on the part of the person and therefore to have a 'reason' to feel superior. Maybe they need their 'sacrifice' of not eating what they truly want to and doing exercise they maybe don't want to, to be a acknowledged? And feeling superior to someone they think doesn't make those sacrifices does that?

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 14/07/2019 10:05

I think slim people, slimmer than the norm - that is being overweight/carrying an extra stone or two - are treated with less respect than their peers who are 'the norm'.

that's so true - but I think it comes down to jealousy.

Trying to make fat the norm is a very dangerous road, but we are on it, look at the new overweight mannequins that appear in some shops.
So all these: real women have curves, showing example of a fat woman as a "real" woman, is just rude, unhealthy and unacceptable. Skinny women are just as real.

I do love the poster who got offended when someone stated that a size 8 is not "skinny". What's so offensive? A size 8 is a perfectly slim normal size, smaller skinny sizes are just as right.

Somersetlady · 14/07/2019 10:11

I’m not sure it’s a respect.

I have been bigger and lost 3 stone recently.

Slimmer people are more sorted and more in control of their lives i think. I certainly feel better slimmer and am able to do more. Everything in life is easier when you are not carrying round excess baggage as weight.

Subconsciously people who are a healthy weight are definitely more sorted than those who can not control their weight. (And yes i know a small proportion of the population can not help being overweight but most of us can choose to eat less and move more)

Gran22 · 14/07/2019 10:22

I'm in my 70s and have been a size 18 for a number of years. I crept up to a 20, then dropped to a 16, but that's as much as I can lose. I exercise sporadically, its not my favourite thing, but I'm far from a couch potato.

I walk a fair bit, I garden, I volunteer for a charity a couple of times a week, and I spend time with friends and grandchildren when I can. I'd like to be thinner, the best size for my frame, broad shoulders, large bones, is a 14, but that's a distant memory! I've just had my annual check up, cholesterol under 5, blood pressure and blood sugar fine. The only problem is my weight. I need to lose two stones. At least. I rarely drink alcohol, or eat bread, or cheese, but how can I live without ice cream.... especially in this weather. Grin

HelenaDove · 14/07/2019 20:22

Stoners get more respect than overweight people.

"Slimmer people are more sorted and more in control of their lives i think"

Most of the stoners round here are quite slim. But yeah so in control of their lives.

HelenaDove · 14/07/2019 20:29

Ive managed o stay off the ice cream this summer but not last year. Was impossible

my parents house is like an oven this time of year. Last weekend i sat and watched my niece eat ice creams yoghurts anything cold.

My parents have had the new insulation retrofitted. Now its even worse

And the block of flats i live in is fucking awful in the summer. Its not very conducive to health.

DorisDances · 14/07/2019 20:35

I have veered from a size 12 to a size 18 for medical reasons and definitely feel some people treat you differently. However, I also felt different myself and am sure that projects to others

Original poster
Jojobears · 14/07/2019 20:39

Somersetlady. That’s just a perception that thin people have their life sorted. Many do, but many are living completely fucked up lifes.

OP posts:
TomMot · 14/07/2019 20:42

YANBU.

I have experienced this too. It's quite obvious.

I must say I loose respect for people who look down on people with a few extra pounds. I consider them snobs and a little bit unintelligent which probably makes me a snob too.

BoredToday · 14/07/2019 20:43

To your face people are nice.
Behind your back they'll wonder why you're so fat.
If you eat junk food they will lose respect for you as you're eating crap and look crap.
If you have been ill and as a result you are fat, they'll cut you some slack.
However, USA, UK is full of fat people so you're not in the minority so not really singled out.

Leftielefterson · 14/07/2019 20:44

I agree with your post OP. I was a lot heavier in my early twenties and lost a dramatic amount of weight and noticed a marked change in the way people treated me post my weight loss.

growlingbear · 14/07/2019 20:44

Having been slim for fifty years and fat for five I know there's a difference in how you are treated. I'm dreading a forthcoming job interview which I really want because I'm scared they'll just see me and think: fat, instead of seeing what I can offer their department, which would be a lot.

Val5555 · 14/07/2019 20:44

You certainly get less from men. I’ve heard some awful comments over the years from men talking about overweight women. These men are no George Clooney either.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 14/07/2019 21:07

I do judge parents with overweight kids though tbh, despite being a 16/18 myself.

HelenaDove · 14/07/2019 23:09

@Val5555 At a size 28 i got a lot of nasty comments from men and women but mostly men Abuse shouted at me in the street from men Once by a woman

At the size i am now.........14/16 i hear on MN (from women) that a size 14 is fat. I dont hear that from anyone in passing conversation while im out and about Man or woman Especially not men.

Last time i had something shouted at me in the street was last Thursday just gone as i walked past a pub.

"i like your lipstick Thats a really nice color" It was an orangey red.

So i just turned around and said Thank You.

The person who told me i could excersise off the bit of loose skin on my stomach was a woman UNprompted by me Men have never mentioned it.

Some women never miss an opportunity to tear another woman down.

MamaOomMowWow · 14/07/2019 23:16

i hear on MN (from women) that a size 14 is fat.

This totally depends on your height. For me at 5'3" and carrying most of my weight on my thighs/hips/bum, size 14 is very overweight. I am currently ~13 stone, BMI 32.5 (ie obese) and 41% body fat and can still just squeeze into size 14 clothes.

On taller women and women whose fat is distributed differently things might be different.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 14/07/2019 23:22

a size 14 of today seem to be the equivalent of a size 18. It's not exactly slim.

Yachiru · 14/07/2019 23:25

Firstly, 16/18 = fat?!
I dgaf how people look/how much they eat, or don't, it's of absolutely no interest to me. Same for dh. I've never intentionally treated people differently judged on size and I'd be horrified if I did. It does happen though. the most rec ent comment I heard was from a group of idiots who were trying to work out how a bigger lady ended up with an athletic -looking fella.
Yanbu

Yachiru · 14/07/2019 23:26

@MamaOomMowWow im a 14/16 and 6ft. Different frames, different numbers. Clothes sizes are bs

HelenaDove · 14/07/2019 23:29

I dont drink (ive never been drunk) i dont smoke or sunbathe I dont get shit and toxins injected into my face, i dont smoke dope I complained about my neighbour doing it and the pungent smell getting into my flat on another thread and got told "live and let live"

This just proves how much overweight people are hated on here plus how much stoners are revered. MN are going to get a reputation that they dont want at this rate.