To think you get less respect if you are fat

[Jojobears]

I’m currently fat (16/18), but have been slim previously.

I don’t know if it’s just my self esteem levels, but I really feel that I have less respect from people when I’m fat. Although I could be imagining it.

So, can I ask, do you treat people with less respect if they are fat.

Ps I’m not a daily fail journo. Heaven forbid they employ anyone with a house worth less than 500k

Also I find people's perceptions to be slim = rich & fat = poor.

I notice this At work,

We have one customer who brings in snacks for the two skinny staff members but doesn't bother if myself and colleague of a similar size is working. The stupid thing is I feel a bit safer as I have gained weight but I'm really unfit these days and hate the way I now look as I have gained 5 stone.

People definitely treat fat people differently.

I have my own accountancy practice. Roughly half are internet clients from all over the UK, the other half are local. When potential new clients contact me, I have a success/conversion rate of around 90% of those I talk to by phone or email, as against less than 50% of those I meet in person. The prices are the same, the services are the same, I'm the same, so it must be how I look!

I agree that appetite is largely hormonal especially in females with pregnancy, menstrual cycles and the like.
But, again, it is the individuals choice as to what they fill those hunger pangs with.
There are plenty of filling, tasty, cheap and quick options that aren't salad, but aren't junk either.

The government and health bodies have released many different 'drives' to get the public to consider what they are putting into their bodies and the amount of exercise they do.
Sugar Smart UK, Change4Life, Food Active, Couch to 10k.
All free initiatives to assist the public into leading healthier lives.
That's without including the sugar tax. We are more aware of what we're putting into our bodies than ever.
What more can the official entities do?

Something has got to give somewhere and (as much as you don't agree) I believe an element of responsibility has to come into play.

My experiences unfortunately support what you're saying op.
I've been a size 10 and am currently a size 24.

The differences in my job/career are non existent. I speak up, I'm good at my job and I have confidence. I've never felt it's held me back.

Personal life however

Drs don't take me seriously. I once had 'Paul McKennas I can make you thin' thrust at me by the dr (she kept a copy on her shelf) when I went in about something else entirely
I don't get served easily at a bar on a night out
When dining out at a restaurant I'm usually taken to a quiet corner away from the windows
I've had people (men) beep their horns at me when I'm crossing the road and yelling vile shit
Unless I'm talking to someone directly at work, I'm invisible.
A colleague asked to see my menu for the week (I'm a menu budget planner) and outright asked me if that's what I'm eating, why am I so fat?
Another colleague assumed I lived off takeaways and would make jokes about not cooking for DH.
He only made that joke once
I've been stared at in restaurants with DH who is also overweight to the point where we have asked to be moved to a different table. Heaven forbid I eat in public
Loudly had my weight commented on on an airplane (they weren't even sitting near me)
Been a bridesmaid at two weddings and both times the assigned male member of the wedding party to take me down the aisle wouldn't touch or link arms with me. It's painfully obvious in the photos that they don't want to stand near me
I have a wonderful friend at work who is a very slim, blonde beautiful lady and when we walk round together the difference in treatment is astonishing. She literally gets hounded/commented on/stared at. A guy held a door open for us and actually let it it go on me I was so invisible

It isn't pleasant, and the reasons for my being overweight are complex, medical and difficult to change. But I am a trained chef (not my job) all meals are scratch meals, and I'm certainly not lazy. To be so harshly judged incorrectly is a fucking drain on my mental well being but people have been doing it for centuries and will be doing it long after I've gone.

Somerset lady, as you mentioned, obesity rates have tripled since the 70s. Don’t you think that’s an indication that it’s a social problem rather than an individual issue?

Tired: sending much hugs to you. People can be dicks

Yes @jojobears. We have lost the ability to self regulate food and portion size. We blame other factors when we become fat (i’ve done it myself) rather than look to within (for the very vast majority of people) to reduce our calorie intake and change our diet.

100% yes.

I am fat, (size 16/18 ), happy and healthy. I am active, in my 50's with no health issues at all and great clinical indices. I love my life, wear nice clothes, have great skin for my age, have a loving family and a nice career. I have only been to Hospital once in my life, to have a child.

The only bad thing about being fat is other people's attitudes to me being fat.

I think people do get less respect if they are fat.

But even worse, they carry less influence etc if they are small. And you can't do anything about that. You can lose weight, you can't grow!

I am a yo yo dieter and have been size 10 - 20 and all sizes in between. I have noticed men going out of their way to be nice / helpful / courteous when I am slim. There is a marked difference. Bit sad really. I haven’t noticed different treatment from women though.

Somerset: we didn’t have that ability in the past; in the past the problem was that we didn’t have enough calories as we burned off more calories than we ate as food was scarcer. Now we have an abundance of food and more sedentary lives; many of us are now fatter

I have been thinking about the individual choice being paramount and government not poking their noses in to what people choose to eat. However, in the Western world the situation has become utterly ridiculous where I only have to go into a petrol station and I am immediately surrounded by junk. It is everywhere I glance. Supermarkets are over 70% processed food (I stopped shopping there years ago as I just can’t handle it). Newsagents - chocolates, sweets, crisps, junk, junk, junk. People will buy it if it is there and it is the majority of food on offer.

I try to eat healthily and it is actually very hard just doing it through individual choice. I have to go out of my way to go to small butchers, small greengrocers who don’t sell chocolate as well as the vegetables. I order online to avoid going into the supermarket and experiencing the barrage of junk. Obviously, I have to cook a lot more as there is next to none good prepackaged food. But doing all this is hard and takes a great amount of time and headspace. It is effectively swimming against the tide (of junk).

If the government didn’t absolve themselves (and let the individual shoulder the complete responsibility), they wouldn’t have let the food industry get away with what they have been doing, packing more and more artificial stuff in, flavourings, colourings, preservatives, unhealthy fats etc etc. This should ABSOLUTELY be regulated. It is the health of the population we are taking about.

The countries where population are still slim in the main are where there is little processed food available and people have to cook using raw ingredients. Nothing to do with greed and not being able to shut your gob. It is the quality of the population’s diet. It determines physiology and health in a wider sense.

I really recommend reading 'Happy Fat' by Sofie Hagen - lots of commentary on the subject!

Blackfiars, I’ll have a wee look at this

Yep! I’ve recently lost 3 and a half stone and am no longer fat, or invisible

Sorry 4 and a half stone even!

@tiredtrumpet that is just fucking awful. Brought tears to my eyes reading it.

When I was in my teens my mum went up to a size 24 (from size 6 when I was a young child) and was also a helper at Girl Guides. Some of the other Guides made the most horrendous comments about her before they knew she was my mum - about her being fat, smelly (she wasn’t), lazy (she ran her own company and worked an average of 12 hours a day) and saying she must live in McDonalds (don’t think my mother has ever been in one!).

In my mums case she was very stressed and depressed after a horrendous marriage breakdown, but I’m not sure why there needs to be a justification or people are so concerned with the amount of gravitational potential energy people experience.

Also I think the issue stretches beyond body shape - I am positive I experience different treatment if I go about my day without makeup and wearing casual clothes as opposed to a naice work dress and lipstick. Not even just from men.

Its really sad but I think it's a real thing.

On the flip side when I was anorexic (and tbh living on drink and drugs mainly) I was approached by a totally different type of man - I can see now they really liked that I was vulnerable and they saw me as someone who could be manipulated / was a "excitingly mental" as one of the nobs put it. There were a scary amount of men who liked how thin I was not because of the visual appearance but because it positioned me as weak - I'm not thin shaming, I was clearly poorly.

Now I'm a healthy weight and a relatively confident gobshite again the people who try it on with me are generally a lot healthier mindset wise in themselves.

It's nice being a bit of a gobshite again 😊

At my heaviest I was a size 26, my self esteem was non existent and I was invisible.

After lots of lifestyle changes, diets and other such stuff I was referred for bariatric surgery (at gps suggestion). I then lost 8.5 stone and was a size 8/10, visible, got promotion (job created for me), went on an international study exchange (all paid for) and my self esteem improved. Also the availability of clothes that are flattering and fit was amazing.

Since then I’ve put on around 4 stone and again become more invisible, treated like I’m stupid or lazy (the way I am treated at work has changed significantly too) and am able to wear sacks - even the curve ranges whilst welcome don’t follow the existing trends.

It’s depressing. I know I’m fat (and doing something about it), but the treatment I face at the hands of others is pretty awful 😢

@JaceLancs are you sure she wasn’t a militant vegan?

I find that I am treated really really when when I am looking attractive (not just weight but if I have Male up on, dresses nicely etc). I can’t say that peopleare normally rude to me but they aren’t dying to make conversation, do favours, include me etc the way they do when I am well turned out. Beauty has a value.

The problem with Bariatric surgery is the after care . I see a NHS dietician every 3 months. Keeps me in the straight and narrow. .. and before you do it there is a massive amount of psychological help. I encourage anyone with BMI 35 or above to seek it out. Diets only make the diet industry fatter!

It's sad but deffo true imo. I think that the reverse might be true for men. Churchill, Trump, Johnson etc are not slim but considered statesman-like where as the women in power are usually very slim (off the top of my head Sheryl Sandberg, Marissa Mayer, Jacinda Arden although there are exceptions like Merkel)

@Mouikey Sorry to sound ignorant but how do you put weight back on after bariatric surgery? I thought it meant you could physically never overeat again.