To not understand graduations?

[notjustanexpat]

I have several degrees. Always attended graduation in person, because family and DP were excited to attend and "see me graduate". I did not hate it but also gained nothing from it, besides getting the physical degree earlier than I would have if it were mailed.

I will also happily attend other people's graduation ceremonies and cheer for them. If it is important to them, of course I will be there to celebrate them!

But I do not get it. Why would anyone want to travel back to their place of study and spend a small fortune, to sit around an overheated hall for 2h just to walk on a stage for less than 30 seconds. Why not go out and have nice local dinner instead, or throw a big local party?

If you're still living where you studied, sure, why not - but most people I know moved away in between finishing the course and the graduation ceremony. I always had to travel and/or pay 1-2 months rent when I could have been elsewhere, actually working.

I get the desire to celebrate getting a degree but the ceremony is just beyond me. I have already graduated. If I don't attend, the degree is still signed - the ceremony is only symbolic!

My PhD graduation will be next year and DH + family are really excited to attend. Travel time, one-way: 3.5h(us), 10h (family). Money: min. £300 for us, probably 4 digits per person for my family.

I am seriously considering to graduate in absentia, have a local party with family after finishing any corrections (all family live in the same place) and have a nice dinner with DH the day the degree comes through.

AIBU?

congrats on your several degrees

Yes, you are right. It is ridiculous. Strangely important to parents though. I went to my first one, mostly for their sake tbh. I didn't bother for my masters, just got it through the post. My dh didn't even go to his, his mum sulked for years and only really got over it when we got married and she could have that photo up instead. That's all it is, really, a photo opportunity.

I didn't go to either of my graduations and have no regrets. I don't have a picture of me looking uncomfortable in a mortarboard and hired robe. No regrets there either!

I think a nice dinner with your nearest and dearest is a far more fitting celebration.

I'm pretty sure if I had several degrees I would also not really see the point of graduation. As it was I knew my 1 degree was the only one I was going to get so I enjoyed my graduation very much and enjoyed graduating with my friends.

Our older son graduated in absentia as he finished his degree a year after he left uni as he already got the job he wanted. He didn't attend the ceremony. Younger son graduated from uni which was not too far from home so we all went to that. I did feel very proud of him but it cost a fortune and was mostly very boring.

I didn't go to my first graduation and didn't celebrate it either. I won't be going to the next two either as they are meaningless.

It’s a celebration of academic success. Parents generally want to share it with their children, it’s normal to want to do that.

It's for the family not for you. I got my first degree in absentia, because I was young and cocky and above all that, but now I wish for my parents' sake that I had gone to the ceremony. I partially put it right by taking my Dad to my MSc one (which was better because the MSc section of the ceremony only had half a dozen of us), but my Mum was too disabled to be able to join us.

The fact that the university is laying it on, in a posh hall with the big-wigs in fancy gowns, validates it in a way that a party you organise yourself couldn't. So if it's important to DH and family, it would be nice if you could make it happen.

YANBU. The ceremonies are so boring! I think my parents regretted going to mine - a ten hour drive to watch a load of nothing. They didn’t call out my name, I wasn’t on stage, they couldn’t even see me and it was all in Latin which, surprise surprise, my parents don’t speak. Plus I refused to have my photo done. What a lot of shit!

Not everyone has "several degrees".
It's for the parents.
At DSs graduation I looked around me at parents, many of whom had travelled from overseas to attend and all of whom were bursting with pride. A man in front of me turned round in tears telling me "that's my son!"
Yes the procedure is long and boring ( a bit like weddings) but it marks the end of an era, at least for those with only the one degree.
Going to DC2's graduation next week and it will be a lovely day, after which we will go for a celebratory meal.

I know exactly what you mean because I found my graduation painfully boring. But a lot of other people there were really into it and crying, hugging etc.

I think it's just one of those things that's different depending on what kind of person you are. A bit like how some people have huge weddings and others just book a reg slot on their lunch break from work.

Different strokes for different folks.

It depends on your family. Presumably you've had at least 2, parents came to my first, two close friends to my second, If I ever get to the end of my doctorate I'm celebrating with a holiday. Each to their own.

Congratulations on having such a supportive family who wish to celebrate your multiple cleverness.(es)

Several degrees but too shortsighted to realise that not everyone is the same 🤷‍♀️

OP, some people may enjoy that stuff you moan about. It really is that very simple.

I work in a University and every year they stream the graduation ceremonies on live webcams. I quite enjoy watching so I can spot who's hungover and who's nodding off , texting etc 😂 I don't.mind watching a bit of the ceremony for my Faculties graduates as it's nice to see them all so happy after all their hard work and occasionally us lowly support staff get invited to the after party in the Great Hall

I only have one degree and it’s unlikely I’ll do another, and I thought it was really special to be honest. Yes, waiting my turn was really boring and my 30 seconds on stage was over in a flash, but the occasion around it was really nice. My course co-ordinator had a get together with champagne provided by the university first, and then I had some photos with my friends around the campus, and then after the ceremony the town crier got the whole graduating group together outside the city hall for hat throwing photos. The atmosphere was amazing. We then mingled for more photos with friends and spoke to lecturers about future plans etc. I really enjoyed it and my parents got to have their proud day.

I've had four. First one was an achievement and parents and I were very proud. And the ceremony was all in Latin, full of bonkers intoning and and staff-thumping, and, most importantly, only lasted half an hour. Great day out all round.
Next one was after I left, knew no-one, and I wouldn't have bothered except my dad had helped pay for it and wanted to go. After two hours of people traipsing across a stage, and a few poor speeches, all on the hottest day of the year, he regretted it - though he and now-DH got to know each other.

Third one was like the first but you got a free excellent dinner and reunion, so happy to do it again.

The PhD had taken so much of my life for so long, I damn well was doing the ceremony. They kept numbers down so it was under 2 hours and over half was interesting biographies of people getting honoraries and other speeches. Really finished it all off nicely.

I loved mine! I felt like I'd really achieved something.

I went to uni when DD1 was a year old and everyone said I'd never pass or finish it.

Graduation was a great big slap in their face for doubting me.

You have a lot of spare time, OP

YANBU given the expense, though academic achievement should be celebrated. Perhaps just as universities are being asked to consider the cost of attending open days, there should be some consideration about the cost of graduation ceremonies.

Don’t even start me on this, I’ve seen several “nursery graduation” pictures on social media this week.

Don’t even start me on this, I’ve seen several “nursery graduation” pictures on social media this week.

But that's not what OP is talking about.

YANBU to not care. YWBU to judge anyone who does. I wasn't fussed about the ceremony, but have fond memories of the grad ball.

My In laws and my parents both attended the ceremony that year (DH was graduating too). One refers to it as the most boring two hours of their lives. The other claims it was the proudest moment of their lives. It clearly means different things to different people.