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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand graduations?

264 replies

notjustanexpat · 13/07/2019 13:37

I have several degrees. Always attended graduation in person, because family and DP were excited to attend and "see me graduate". I did not hate it but also gained nothing from it, besides getting the physical degree earlier than I would have if it were mailed.

I will also happily attend other people's graduation ceremonies and cheer for them. If it is important to them, of course I will be there to celebrate them!

But I do not get it. Why would anyone want to travel back to their place of study and spend a small fortune, to sit around an overheated hall for 2h just to walk on a stage for less than 30 seconds. Why not go out and have nice local dinner instead, or throw a big local party?

If you're still living where you studied, sure, why not - but most people I know moved away in between finishing the course and the graduation ceremony. I always had to travel and/or pay 1-2 months rent when I could have been elsewhere, actually working.

I get the desire to celebrate getting a degree but the ceremony is just beyond me. I have already graduated. If I don't attend, the degree is still signed - the ceremony is only symbolic!

My PhD graduation will be next year and DH + family are really excited to attend. Travel time, one-way: 3.5h(us), 10h (family). Money: min. £300 for us, probably 4 digits per person for my family.

I am seriously considering to graduate in absentia, have a local party with family after finishing any corrections (all family live in the same place) and have a nice dinner with DH the day the degree comes through.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Medianoche · 15/07/2019 18:48

I never went to any of mine. Never wanted to and have never regretted it. I sat through a few of my mom’s and they were horrible experiences. Even if I’d wanted to go, I wouldn’t have been able to justify the cost when you add up tickets, travel, clothes, photographs, lunch etc.

BogglesGoggles · 15/07/2019 18:51

I don’t get it either. But then again for me it’s a given that I would have at least one degree. Getting a PhD wouldn’t be a big deal to me. I can imagine that someone who really struggled to finish university or whatever might want to go for sentimental reasons.

Benes · 15/07/2019 18:54

Getting a PhD wouldn't be a big deal to you? Jeez! It's a flipping huge deal!!

Bodicea · 15/07/2019 19:01

I did the big family thing for my BSC graduation. It was exciting for my parents. They came down and stayed in a hotel. I was with all my mates. We had a family meal and then I went out with my mates.
My post Grad I didn’t even turn up for. I didnt live where I studied, just went on week release. I was working. I didn’t have and friends as such on the course. So for that one I wasn’t interested.
So I see it from both sides.

CherryPavlova · 15/07/2019 20:00

The two we’ve done thus far have been very special. The first was a hall and a walk on to the stage it it was so much more. It was the celebration with others and the culmination of six long tough years. It was seeing the young people who we had met and watch turn from school leavers into doctors; the hugs; the tea on the lawns, the recognition of their achievements and the graduation photos. Then a lovely shared meal in the evening with parents of these youngsters we felt so proud of.
Passing out as a military officer was incredible. Our little boy who went off at eighteen to face the toughest year imaginable. The ceremony, the bands, the afternoon tea and the ball. Boating and watching all the young people we’d come to know throwing their caps in the air and cheering after they’d been through the Officers door. Really proud moments.

I’m not sure the graduation is really about the student - much more about their families.

irregularegular · 15/07/2019 20:01

Do most universities charge for graduation then? They are free at Oxford. I think even the lunch and afternoon tea are free. You just have to pay for gown hire.

GCAcademic · 15/07/2019 21:14

irregular - graduands only pay for the gown hire where I work too. The lunch or tea receptions that departments host are also free.

LizziesTwin · 15/07/2019 21:23

I want to go to my daughter’s next week, she’s the closest member of my family to graduate (DH doesn’t count as he’s not my flesh & blood) and I’m so pleased that she has achieved her degree.

GnomeDePlume · 16/07/2019 04:58

A graduation ceremony isn't just about the individual graduate. It's also about celebrating the collective achievement, of being able to stand with your peers and say 'we made it'.

In DD's ceremony the PHD graduates have space made for them amongst the academic staff to sit down after the presentation. A very symbolic gesture.

LellyMcKelly · 16/07/2019 05:24

By your logic all ceremonies are pointless. What’s the point of a wedding ceremony when you could just sign a bit of paper? A funeral? A christening? Graduation ceremonies are important for a number if reasons. For most people it marks the end of their time in education, it’s a celebration of three years hard work, making friends, having relationships, being part of that group of students who worked together and in competition with each other. It’s for celebrating achievement. It’s for parents and family who have often made sacrifices to get their kids to this point. As a member of academic staff I get to sit on stage, and it’s the highlight of the year watching the pride on my students’ faces as they go to shake hands with the chancellor. It’s very bittersweet. We’ve spend 3 years with these amazing people and now we say goodbye. So it’s lovely - very bittersweet, but I’m always so proud of them.

I don’t know anywhere that charges for graduation or for the reception after.

floribunda18 · 16/07/2019 05:38

I find the idea of graduations being unimportant is usually bandied about by people who consider getting a first degree as a minimum, basic thing in their family (or by people who wish to appear that way), there is sort of an intellectual snobbery about it, it's a little petit-bourgeois and beneath them to worry about such things. That and/or people are a little desperate to mark themselves apart as a free-thinking individual- wouldn't want to go along with the "sheeple". I was the first person in my family to go to university, so graduating, and marking that, was important.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 16/07/2019 05:44

It’s for the insta innit?

Seriously, I loved my daughters graduation. It was in the old hall of a beautiful red brick university, there were stands for gifts and photographs and a marquee, Prosecco and strawberries. The sun shone, I met the parents of the girls she had spent the happiest three years of her life with. Then we went for a lovely family meal.

What wasn’t to love? Although I suppose if you have three degrees it gets a bit boring.

RuthW · 16/07/2019 05:53

It's for the parents and grandparents.

I'm going to my only child's graduation today. I've never been to a graduation before. No one in my family or ex husband family has ever been to a graduation before. We are extremely proud of dd getting a first class masters degree in maths and stats. We all want that photo on the wall of her in a gown.

GCAcademic · 16/07/2019 06:26

Have a lovely day, RuthW. As an academic, I really enjoy going to my students’ graduation ceremonies, and feel a sense of pride in seeing them graduate. Some of them endure significant personal struggles to make it to that point, and it’s the most rewarding day of my year to see them walk across that stage and collect their certificate.

myself2020 · 16/07/2019 06:29

i didn’t go to any of mine. just collected my degree at the office/got it delivered by mail. i really don’t see the point

Ragwort · 16/07/2019 06:35

Personally I agree and I didn’t attend my degree ceremony, didn’t even think of mentioning it to my parents, I honestly don’t think they were bothered. Recently we were in a city on graduation day and saw so many bored and uncomfortable looking parents, plus hungover young people Grin that it didn’t look particularly ‘special’ to me. And clearly a huge expense, but my DH said ‘I am so looking forward to our DS’s graduation’, so I guess we will go (if he wants us to). But I really don’t like any big occasion such as weddings, parties etc.

MaudebeGonne · 16/07/2019 06:43

My husband recently got his Master's through the OU and it was lovely for our children to go and see his achievement celebrated. Was it the most exciting afternoon of their lives - no, definitely not, but it was special and I am he decided to attend and receive it in person.

TheNavigator · 16/07/2019 06:51

If you have several degrees and have just finished a PhD, it sounds like you have spent a ,lot of your adult life as a student - so I get why you are a bit jaded.

For most people, it is a fond farewell to the University years before they embark on the next stage of their life outwith academia, so the gowns and whatnot are a bit of archaic fun before they leave all that behind them.

CollaterlyS1sters · 16/07/2019 07:47

@LellyMcKelly
By your logic all ceremonies are pointless. What’s the point of a wedding ceremony when you could just sign a bit of paper?

Go on then, what is it?

CollaterlyS1sters · 16/07/2019 07:49

@BogglesGoggles

I don’t get it either. But then again for me it’s a given that I would have at least one degree. Getting a PhD wouldn’t be a big deal to me. I can imagine that someone who really struggled to finish university or whatever might want to go for sentimental reasons.

What a twattish comment. I sailed through school and university. Getting my PhD was still a massive deal.

I didn't have any interest in showing off about it at a graduation ceremony, but only someone who doesn't understand what's involved in getting a doctorate would make such a silly comment.

fedup21 · 16/07/2019 07:54

Getting a PhD wouldn’t be a big deal to me.

Why?

myself2020 · 16/07/2019 07:59

btw, i’m the first person in my extended family to go to university, and also the first (and only 1 of 2) to get more than one degree. still don’t see the point of graduation ceremonies.
Getting a PhD wasn’t a massive deal - i started it because i believed i could finish it. no need to be surprised about that! i actuayfind the “oh, i can’t believe you finished your PhD, isn’t that amazing ” etc quite insulting

myself2020 · 16/07/2019 08:03

@fedup21 why would getting a PhD be a big deal? it just means you are able to work hard for 3 or so years, and are lucky enough to have some support. nothing else. loads of people do that daily without getting a certificate at the end

ParrotsForLife · 16/07/2019 08:06

I didn’t go to my graduation because my nursing course finished after that years graduation celebrations, so our graduation was the following summer. Which felt a bit pointless as by that point I’d been working for the best part of a year and lived in a different city. There was a very low turnout from our cohort.

GCAcademic · 16/07/2019 08:07

Finishing a PhD is as much about the psychological process and resilience as it is about the intellectual aspect. That can take its toll on your immediate family - my DH was an utter nightmare to live with during his final year of the PhD. Graduation is about acknowledging that support (assuming you had it) as much as celebrating one’s own achievement. I didn’t actually go to my PhD graduation as I was feeling really jaded after the whole thing, but I do think in hindsight that it was quite selfish of me not to check with my family that they were OK with this.