Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand graduations?

264 replies

notjustanexpat · 13/07/2019 13:37

I have several degrees. Always attended graduation in person, because family and DP were excited to attend and "see me graduate". I did not hate it but also gained nothing from it, besides getting the physical degree earlier than I would have if it were mailed.

I will also happily attend other people's graduation ceremonies and cheer for them. If it is important to them, of course I will be there to celebrate them!

But I do not get it. Why would anyone want to travel back to their place of study and spend a small fortune, to sit around an overheated hall for 2h just to walk on a stage for less than 30 seconds. Why not go out and have nice local dinner instead, or throw a big local party?

If you're still living where you studied, sure, why not - but most people I know moved away in between finishing the course and the graduation ceremony. I always had to travel and/or pay 1-2 months rent when I could have been elsewhere, actually working.

I get the desire to celebrate getting a degree but the ceremony is just beyond me. I have already graduated. If I don't attend, the degree is still signed - the ceremony is only symbolic!

My PhD graduation will be next year and DH + family are really excited to attend. Travel time, one-way: 3.5h(us), 10h (family). Money: min. £300 for us, probably 4 digits per person for my family.

I am seriously considering to graduate in absentia, have a local party with family after finishing any corrections (all family live in the same place) and have a nice dinner with DH the day the degree comes through.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Percypigparade · 13/07/2019 14:16

My normally undemonstrative pil almost burst with pride at dh's phd graduation.

Passthecherrycoke · 13/07/2019 14:16

I’m not really sure what there is to “get” tbh. We all have different priorities and pleasures. Why do you feel the need to “get” it?

akdln23rijwoicxvnds · 13/07/2019 14:17

Why don't you just suggest a local celebration and see what they say? Maybe they all think it's super important to you!

FWIW I agree with you, didn't bother with mine. Seemed like too much effort and having the degree itself was what was important to me!

bingbongnoise · 13/07/2019 14:18

@notjustanexpat

I have several degrees.

🙄

To not understand graduations?
TheBrockmans · 13/07/2019 14:22

I think it is different if you are graduating with others who did the degree with you, a nice chance to catch up. I didn't bother with ones where I did most of the work on my own. Went out for a nice meal instead.

Original poster
notjustanexpat · 13/07/2019 14:29

First, I only mentioned that I have several degrees in case of the "oh but once you have done it, you will understand" would come up. I did do it. I still don't get the appeal. I apologise if the "several" came across as pretentious.

Second, I don't judge anyone. As I have said, if I know someone really wants to attend their graduation, I will support them and will celebrate with them. It is their success, their story, their hard work, they make that decision.

I just wish other people would do the same when I mention I don't see the point and offer them an alternative way to celebrate. If it is about my success and hard work, shouldn't I also celebrate in a way that I enjoy?

OP posts:
TraLaLaaaaa · 13/07/2019 14:30

I'm like you OP, it's just not something I'm bothered about. Could have attended 3 ceremonies but didn't and am currently back at university and don't expect I'll attend the graduation ceremony for this one either. The only thing that makes me think it might be good to attend this time is that I have a 6 year old and I think it would be good for him to see me graduate after seeing me studying towards it. That said, he won't be able to sit with me (I think we'd go if he could), he'll probably be bored rigid and I imagine he'd find it very difficult to sit still for the length of time required and I don't want him spoiling the moment for the proud family members of other students! So, on balance, I'll probably give this one a miss too.

AquaPris · 13/07/2019 14:32

Yeah I wish they made them better. Spent my entire BA grad desperate for the loo just to pretty much sprint across the stage because you're not allowed to practice. Didn't even get a picture of me!

My MA grad I actually insisted no one come with me as I just wanted to get it over with and get pissed with some old mates

AquaPris · 13/07/2019 14:32

Not sure why you had to pay 2 months rent? I just got the train up and then back on the same day

AquaPris · 13/07/2019 14:32

London-NW btw

CollaterlyS1sters · 13/07/2019 14:33

I also have several (three) degrees but unlike you, I never attended any of my graduation ceremonies. Why would I want to? Boring waste of time and money. I didn't do the degrees to preen in photos and get attention.

serenadoundy · 13/07/2019 14:33

Second, I don't judge anyone

Your OP says the complete opposite

Original poster
notjustanexpat · 13/07/2019 14:37

@AquaPris - getting the train from central Europe to Scotland would have been possible but rent was cheaper Wink (also cheaper than flights + storage + higher moving costs due to different time)

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 13/07/2019 14:52

My parents don't speak Latin either, but they were bloody proud of me for going to Oxford, and LOVED seeing me getting my degree (which they had supported me through), so the actual grad ceremony was as much for them as it was for me. When i went back a couple of years later to get my "you survived!" MA, i just went with friends and we all got pissed together.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 13/07/2019 14:54

OP you are obviously not giving out the vibes to your family that you don't care.
In fact you are rather doing everyone a disservice letting them travel miles spend £100'd etc.
I'm sure if you hadn't mentioned graduation day they might not have done either and if they did it would have been the ideal time to tell them.
Use your super intelligence and communicate Wink

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 13/07/2019 14:56

I didn't travel back for mine, neither did anyone else, we were all still there. Yes exams had finished a few weeks before but we had very short terms and had paid rent until the end so everyone stayed. There were lots of parties, formals etc and I was very hungover at my first graduation. It was important for my parents to see me graduate in cap and gown as I was the first in my family to do so. Latterly an oldee relative gained a degree at work via OU. If you dint want to go don't.

StrawberrySundance · 13/07/2019 14:58

Congratulations on your several degrees and graduation ceremonies Hmm

Most people don't have more than 1 or 2, so it feels special. It's nice to commemorate the occasion.

You may as well start asking why people bother with weddings, baptisms, birthday parties, funerals and any other kind of celebration.

Passthecherrycoke · 13/07/2019 15:01

And I literally can’t not wait for my DCs nursery graduation. And I’ve bought the photos of them in their mini cap and gown Grin

RiftGibbon · 13/07/2019 15:03

It's to celebrate academic success. I come from a family of non-academic people. Until I did my degree (late in life) nobody in my family had stayed beyond the last year of school, let alone got any HE qualificiations.
Unfortunately my parents are both dead. I'd have loved it if they could have shared the day with me.

Yes, the hiring of robes/hat was a pain, but I didn't study far from where I live. If I'd been further away I think I'd have grudgingly paid for accommodation as it still would have been a good way to mark an occasion.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 13/07/2019 15:04

@Passthecherrycoke please tell me that's not a thing and you are joking?

Original poster
notjustanexpat · 13/07/2019 15:04

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit They brought it up. And as everytime before, they say it is my decision and look at me with big puppy eyes Bear.

Sigh. I guess we will see. I will get the robe anyway because I "need" to attend students' graduations (i.e. not in contract but expected) and I cannot see myself getting a second PhD. So they'll get to see me in full academic dress one way or another!

OP posts:
picklejimmy · 13/07/2019 15:08

I've graduated twice and after being told at school that I would never go to uni and no one had high hopes for me, I was so proud and excited to go to both of mine. But that's me, everyone is different.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 13/07/2019 15:09

A second PhD? Good God! how many letters does one woman need after her name Grin
Have a nice day, I think it's lovely your family are so supportive.

bridgetreilly · 13/07/2019 15:15

I went to my first because my parents were really keen, and it was fine but I didn't go to any of the others. The degree is the big thing, not the graduation, for me.

timeforakinderworld · 13/07/2019 15:21

Undergraduate- I wanted to celebrate with my friends, throw hats in the air etc. Was great fun.
Master's- didn't go. Was glad to get the qualification but didn't feel interested in having the ceremony.
PhD - it took me so long to finish that I swore if I ever got through it I would go along with dh and kids (2 of whom I had while studying for it). It was great fun, a real celebration and a day I will always remember. So yanbu but I'm glad I went!