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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand graduations?

264 replies

notjustanexpat · 13/07/2019 13:37

I have several degrees. Always attended graduation in person, because family and DP were excited to attend and "see me graduate". I did not hate it but also gained nothing from it, besides getting the physical degree earlier than I would have if it were mailed.

I will also happily attend other people's graduation ceremonies and cheer for them. If it is important to them, of course I will be there to celebrate them!

But I do not get it. Why would anyone want to travel back to their place of study and spend a small fortune, to sit around an overheated hall for 2h just to walk on a stage for less than 30 seconds. Why not go out and have nice local dinner instead, or throw a big local party?

If you're still living where you studied, sure, why not - but most people I know moved away in between finishing the course and the graduation ceremony. I always had to travel and/or pay 1-2 months rent when I could have been elsewhere, actually working.

I get the desire to celebrate getting a degree but the ceremony is just beyond me. I have already graduated. If I don't attend, the degree is still signed - the ceremony is only symbolic!

My PhD graduation will be next year and DH + family are really excited to attend. Travel time, one-way: 3.5h(us), 10h (family). Money: min. £300 for us, probably 4 digits per person for my family.

I am seriously considering to graduate in absentia, have a local party with family after finishing any corrections (all family live in the same place) and have a nice dinner with DH the day the degree comes through.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Imanamechangeninja · 15/07/2019 12:44

We attended the graduation of the first family member to get a degree. It was mind numbingly boring and a total rip off financially. Since then several more of us (including me) have all graduated in absentia. We celebrate the achievement with close friends and family not a hall full of strangers.

DifficultSituation19 · 15/07/2019 12:53

Oh god mine was boring as fuck. My DM really wanted to come though so I did it. It was about 33 degrees that day and we were all cooking in our gowns.

The bit afterwards was fun though, my mum went home and I met up with my bf of the time and we had a wild night on the town/in a hotel.

The funniest thing is that they photoshopped my graduation pic to the point that it looked absolutely nothing like me 😂. I guess they were trying to bring 36 year old me in line with the 21 year olds.

Cazziebo · 15/07/2019 13:11

I was the first and only member of my family to go to University so graduation was a big thing for my parents. I've since finished another two post grad degrees. I attended one graduation because it was probably the last time I'd see a lot of people I'd got to know during my studies and it had been a bloody hard slog studying while working full time as a single parent. I also thought my DCs would be proud of me - they were just grumpy as fuck because they had to get up early on a Saturday....

Graduations are not compulsory. A degree is an achievement; let people celebrate it if that's what they want.

Halloumimuffin · 15/07/2019 13:20

My uni graduation was incredibly dull and I swore I wouldn't go to my PhD one, but then when it came to it I ws going to MILK that bugger for all it was worth. Plus I wanted to wear the mushroom hat.

StCharlotte · 15/07/2019 13:26

My sister graduated from the OU with her solitary degree but couldn't afford all the whole graduation stuff so didn't attend. She was heartbroken (if we'd known, we'd have paid for her).

Please don't be so dismissive of something which is so very important to many people.

BostonFerl · 15/07/2019 13:33

Honestly, OP. Different people feel differently.

Etino · 15/07/2019 13:44

Mine was underwhelming, a year later, massive so I didn't know 10% of the other graduands and both lovely dps could attend.
DD's was wonderful. Before they'd left town, incredible atmosphere and we went all out with travel, stayed over, lovely clothes, naff photos, the works.
I'm getting another degree ( Wink OP) and will probably drag along both dps, dh, dmil who has been very practically supportive with my studies. It's also in a beautiful setting. Blimey I've thought of something else-I'd just had a car crash for my first graduation and was dressed frumpily so I'm looking forward to looking better in my 50+ photo than in the original.

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/07/2019 13:54

I didn’t go to my first two. I had the qualification and was working elsewhere in the country and it was way too expensive to justify. Went to my third one (second two done while working full time) as I was chuffed with myself for getting it done. Bloody lovely day, really enjoyed it. It’s horses for courses, go or don’t go, it’s whatever works for you

Girasole02 · 15/07/2019 13:58

I went to both of mine. I can see the argument that it's just a glorified photo op but, now that I have lost both parents, I'm really happy that I have those pictures.

Nearlyalmost50 · 15/07/2019 14:04

I didn't care that much for the degree ones, the Masters one I didn't attend. But the PhD one, I literally felt like crying out of pride the whole time. I had two children during the PhD, and finished when my second was four months old. It was a major life victory and I am very very glad I celebrated it with my family and husband at the ceremony. I didn't anticipate feeling like that.

Of course you don't have to go, but it won't necessarily be the same as the others.

flyingspaghettimonster · 15/07/2019 14:45

I don't think I would bother attending my own graduation, I get bored shitless in those ceremonies. I was grumpy enough to have to attend husband's PHD one when I already attended the under grad... told the kids I will attend one ceremony for each of them so if they picked kindergarten don't expect me at their university ones... I'm kidding, but I freaking hate those ceremonies. I don't know how my in laws can handle the dozens they attend a year as faculty.

bellinisurge · 15/07/2019 14:48

My parents who had never been to university, in fact , they left school at 16 and 14 respectively, felt a tremendous sense of achievement that all three of their kids graduated from university. I see no reason to be sniffy about that.

Original poster
notjustanexpat · 15/07/2019 15:02

I actually enjoy attending as faculty more Blush

I know the students and how hard they worked for their degrees. Or how they acknowledge that this degree wasn't the best choice and watch how happy they are to move on. Even the ones who "meh'd" their way through their degree are usually happy that that's nother box ticked. I am also a little proud because I helped them succeed...prouder than I feel about my own academic career. I just seem to do my thing and it works, not going to question this but probably part of why I am lukewarm about graduation ceremonies.
My DM has no clue what I do, what I struggled with or what I did well at in my research. She does not really understand what I do and why. I am not sure she knows why she is proud of me but she is my mum and loves me, so the why is perhaps not important. She just seems to like the big show - thinking about giving her free reign over organising a graduation party back home, which should be a good compromise.

OP posts:
TheTitOfTheIceberg · 15/07/2019 15:16

WTAF. I can understand this for nursery graduation but university. My parents contributed very little, aside from a place to live etc growing up. All my degree success was mine minus a few lifts to and from uni from my Dad, which he’d have done if I was working elsewhere rather than studying. I’d have been furious! Not all students are pampered middle class snot rags.

I worked at a university that did the same thing (maybe the same one?) and always felt the same - what about the students who have done it all themselves? Ironically, the Chancellor who insisted on doing it at every ceremony he presided over was a working-class guy who had put himself through university as a mature student!

FuriousVexation · 15/07/2019 16:31

Going to my sister's graduation was a big part of deciding I would never ever want to go to uni.

sugarbum · 15/07/2019 16:38

To be honest first time round it was ok. I don't remember a thing about the ceremony, but my dad came and I have a lovely photo of us afterwards (he died 9 years ago so its treasured) He only lived about 40 minutes away though, so not such a hassle getting there and I think it was a proud moment for him. Who know?! I lost my way a bit for A-levels so he was probably quite pleased I changed track and got a 'decent' degree.
We had a meal after with various friends and parents, and then the parents left us alone to party.

Second time around I didn't bother (for my masters) it wasn't close to home and it wasn't worth travelling to or celebrating.

Etino · 15/07/2019 16:43

@FuriousVexation that’s sad! Why?

Benes · 15/07/2019 16:45

What a strange reaction to a graduation ceremonyfurious

elliejjtiny · 15/07/2019 17:19

I loved my graduation. It was a very proud moment and I love the photos. I love nursery graduations too, although unfortunately my older 2 finished nursery before that was a thing, dc3 never went to nursery and my youngest went to a nursery that didn't do it.

TurnAroundWhenPossible · 15/07/2019 17:24

I enjoyed my graduation ceremony. I was 45 years old and had been working and raising a young family throughout, so it was a big achievement for me and I enjoyed the day. My mum, who was in her late 70's then, was so proud of me as I was the first member of the family to go to university, so it was as much her day as mine.

My DD graduated last week (ceremony took place on the day her course finished so no travelling involved) from the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama and it was a wonderful ceremony. Many of the graduates performed, starting with a brass band playing a fanfare then later on a harpist (recently appointed to the role of royal harpist to Prince Charles), a musical theatre medley, a solo operatic tenor, a show-reel of acting performances, an address by Hugo Blick and a closing orchestral piece. It was a kind of "if Heineken did graduation ceremonies" (if you remember those ads) kind of event. Loved it.

YABU to think that all graduation ceremonies are universally dull, expensive and inconvenient.

NiceRadFem · 15/07/2019 17:28

I am with you. I did not go to any of my three graduation. I got my PhD certificate to be sent to me by mail.

NiceRadFem · 15/07/2019 17:28
  • graduations. My phd was not in typing :)
GCAcademic · 15/07/2019 17:42

Going to my sister's graduation was a big part of deciding I would never ever want to go to uni.

That’s crazy. It’s one day of uncharacteristic pomp and ceremony. I work in a university which is very untraditional and I always find the graduation ceremony very incongruous with the way things are done all the the other weeks of the year.

OP - why do you need to buy your robes? They cost a fortune, and your employer hires them for you, if you need to attend your students’ degree ceremony.

Percypigparade · 15/07/2019 18:27

Not all students are pampered middle class snot rags
You do realise this has nothing to do with whether your parents supported you or not? I remember my (working class) dad getting a second job so he could get my brother a car for part of his medicine degree. I would bloody hope he was applauded. A parent who sits and reads bedtime stories to their children is supporting their education as much as one who pays for a tutor.

DPotter · 15/07/2019 18:36

It's a rite of passage - some people like to mark them, others don't.
I personally would go to a PhD ceremony as the gowns are very fancy and I like dressing up!
I went to both my degree ceremonies - bright gold hood for the first and a lovely blue velvet for the second. Would have loved the bright red gowns and caps for the PhDs

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