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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say FIL doesn't own a third of our house?

159 replies

winnie765 · 13/07/2019 10:47

We bought out first house earlier this year with a 30% deposit of approx £100k. Of this, FIL gifted dh &30k. He declared it was a gift in the paperwork during the process and his name is not on the deeds.

But he keeps saying things like 'I own a third of this house' and if it was sold in the future it would need to be divided three ways. He's even talking about getting us to sign something so he will get his money if we decide to sell and move.

AIBU to think this isn't quite right?

OP posts:
DexyMidnight · 13/07/2019 12:59

Urgh some of the attitudes on here.

A lot of parents 'gift' a deposit because it's the only way their child can get a house / the house they want / the interest rate they prefer.

Those saying 'he's signed it and has no leg to stand on' are fucking gross.

MyOtherProfile · 13/07/2019 13:07

The important thing is to find out what he and dh agreed. Did they agree in private it was a gift or did they agree in private it was a loan / tax dodge?

CruellaFeinberg · 13/07/2019 13:07

Those saying 'he's signed it and has no leg to stand on' are fucking gross.

more gross than

'I own a third of this house' and if it was sold in the future it would need to be divided three ways.?

(without any prior agreement)

Jaxhog · 13/07/2019 13:08

You must be very frustrated Op, by the number of replies that clearly didn't read your Op clearly.

It was given as a GIFT. In writing! As such, he has absolutely no claim. Whatever you do Op, do NOT sign anything that changes this. He can babble on about 'his share', but it just isn't true. If you're worried about bad feeling, just imagine what he'd be like if you actually handed over a proportion on your house to him!

Jaxhog · 13/07/2019 13:10

If you REALLY feel guilty about this (and you shouldn't) offer to pay him the 30k with interest. But don't let him own any part of your house.

HappyNOTdriving · 13/07/2019 13:12

Fuck that! I'd be working hard to save the 30k to give back to him.

ememem84 · 13/07/2019 13:14

Agree. If he signed paperwork to say it was a gift and his name isn’t on the deeds it’s tough tatas to Fil.

But absolutely check what dh agreed with him.

And don’t sign anything. If he presents paperwork get a lawyer to review and explain the situation to them. After all you wouldn’t be unreasonable to want everything to be checked out above board and understood would you?

Whosorrynow · 13/07/2019 13:15

What a nasty piece of work he is!
Save all communications with him and don't sign anything

Whosorrynow · 13/07/2019 13:16

If he presents paperwork take a fucking match to it 🔥

DexyMidnight · 13/07/2019 13:17

CruellaFeinberg do you think it's OK to take the attitude 'oh my parents have agreed to be unsecured creditors and give me a leg up lol I'll just shaft them'?

If OP's FIL swore blind it was a gift and he'd never lay claim to the house I still think he's allowed to regret his generosity and panic and I still think OP should grit her teeth ans say 'ok FIL that's a surprise but let's set up a payment plan or get you security for your share of the deposit'.

This isn't a bank FFS this is an old(er) man who had suddenly realised he has made a mistake.

bmbonanza · 13/07/2019 13:17

We had similar when they lent us money towards deposit - told them we must have misunderstood the gift, and if they wanted it back we would do this but otherwise they had no right to it at all.

C8H10N4O2 · 13/07/2019 13:18

A lot of parents 'gift' a deposit because it's the only way their child can get a house / the house they want / the interest rate they prefer

Then they should have that discussion up front so that its clear. If you are going to "give" a child a lot of money and expect it back then don't sign a deed of gift or try to guilt them after its too late to say "no".

As several PPs have pointed out - they would have made different buying decisions if they had known the "gift" was not a gift but a bloody millstone and vehicle for control. Its particularly important in the event of a split, where one partner has put more money in at the deposit phase (which can be covered in the documents at buying time).

C8H10N4O2 · 13/07/2019 13:21

This isn't a bank FFS this is an old(er) man who had suddenly realised he has made a mistake

Based on what? I see nothing in the OP to suggest this is the case. Its utterly unreasonable to con people into making an expensive purchase by gifting them money and then using emotional blackmail to make them insecure.

The only question here is whether he ever said it was actually a dodgy loan despite swearing on a legal document that it was a gift.

Durgasarrow · 13/07/2019 13:25

I would tread carefully with your father-in-law if I were you. Aside from not wanting to damage the relationship forever, even on the most crass financial level, do you want your husband to be disinherited over what is surely more than 30,000 pounds? If your father has 30,000 pounds to gift you, he surely has a reasonably large estate. If I were you, I would start to pay him back a regular monthly amountincluding interestno matter how small.

Yellowweatherwarning · 13/07/2019 13:25

Just tell him he owns the plot under the patio..

DexyMidnight · 13/07/2019 13:27

Because either he thought he would own 1/3rd house (and was very mistaken) or he thought he had a right to be repaid (wrong) or he thought his son and dil would repay him (looks to be wrong) or he knew what he was getting into and has realised he was an idiot and can't afford that.

OP 'owns' a house with a 33% deposit. She should use what she's saving on the mortgage or remortgage to pay back her FIL pronto.

Or just own the fact that she and her husband are pretty shady!

C8H10N4O2 · 13/07/2019 13:30

Or just own the fact that she and her husband are pretty shady!

He lied to them, lied on a legal document, let them buy a property they couldn't buy without him, now is using that to claim a ridiculous share of their property?

If anyone is actually shady its the FiL.

eggsandwich · 13/07/2019 13:30

I would say what £30,000 I don’t remember that, surely it would be written down somewhere that you have a stake in our home but there is nothing in writing you must be mistaken and given it to someone else.

flumpybear · 13/07/2019 13:34

Does your DH day anythjng?
Is he a bit dodgy like that anyway?
£30k gift doesn't equate to a third of a £300k house

Personally I'd remortgage and give him back his mo eh

ElsieMc · 13/07/2019 13:34

My dd2 had to provide the Building Society with a copy of my bank account showing enough funds for a deposit for her home. She was selling her car, had savings but was a bit short. I offered to give her £2,000 - thats it, give it, not loan it. I had to sign a document stating I had no interest in the house for the building society. I presume that has happened here.

It is a whole lot less than FIL has given you op, but the principle remains the same surely.

Similar happened when my late mum gave me a few hundred towards a run around car. My db rang me saying he was going to be using it when he visited the area. What? I said that was fine so long as he paid towards servicing, insurance, new tyres and petrol. Never heard a peep out of him again.

My MIL is also in a similar situation and it is the same as your FIL's. She moved in with her dd and sil to a large property with her own flat. They couldn't have bought the house without her help. They are now divorcing and he says it was a gift. She says she put in her own money to the house as a lifetime home for her, otherwise she has no equity. No legal docs and it is still ongoing. What a mess.

Always, always get a legal agreement drawn up. I have one drawn up to protect my gs's (who live with me) interests should I die and they will benefit equally with my two dds. It is specified that we consider them "children" of our own family.

Whosorrynow · 13/07/2019 13:34

He's thought to himself ...I've got 30 grand in the bank not earning any interest I know what I'll do, invest it in my son's property, I'll let him think it's a gift and then I'll tell him that I actually own a share of the house
bingo

TremblingFanjo · 13/07/2019 13:35

"haha lol FIL - have you been paying the mortgage as well?"

Teddybear45 · 13/07/2019 13:36

He doesn’t own a third of the house, but in the event of a divorce a good lawyer will point out that the gift was to his son and not you, and will fight to reduce that amount from your share.

DexyMidnight · 13/07/2019 13:37

" lied to them, lied on a legal document, let them buy a property they couldn't buy without him"

Did he? Apologies if I missed it.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 13/07/2019 13:37

Very awkward situation. Although he may have put it in writing it's a gift, he may well have thought that's what he needed to do for a successful mortgage application. It may not have occurred to him that you weren't going to pay it back.

I would say that you thought it was a gift, if that is not the case fair enough but he does not own 33.3% of your house. Agree how it will be paid back with him. Does he have a large estate as another poster has suggested? I have older rellies who have large sums in the bank from frugality, it doesn't mean there is more. Does he have siblings that might kick off?

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