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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say FIL doesn't own a third of our house?

159 replies

winnie765 · 13/07/2019 10:47

We bought out first house earlier this year with a 30% deposit of approx £100k. Of this, FIL gifted dh &30k. He declared it was a gift in the paperwork during the process and his name is not on the deeds.

But he keeps saying things like 'I own a third of this house' and if it was sold in the future it would need to be divided three ways. He's even talking about getting us to sign something so he will get his money if we decide to sell and move.

AIBU to think this isn't quite right?

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 13/07/2019 11:01

As stated he doesn't own anything.

This would make me distrust him and be wary in any future dealings tbh. Any further discussions would need to be iron clad, with witnesses!

herculepoirot2 · 13/07/2019 11:02

Lots of people “gift” on the paperwork but it is verbally agreed to be a loan.

Why does your FIL seem to think it was a loan? If it was never his intention to give you £30k then YABU.

Tatiannatomasina · 13/07/2019 11:03

He needs to be paying a third of the mortgage to make this claim. Options are you try to remortgage and pay him back, you say he can have a third and take mortgage contributions from him, or you challenge his assumption, possibly with the promise to repay the 30k when you sell if its going to cause huge issues.

Rivkka · 13/07/2019 11:03

WTAF?

No. Can you somehow give him the money back?

Powerbunting · 13/07/2019 11:03

Is he hinting that he wants his money back?

Was it truly a gift? I know what you told the bank, but many parents gift in this way but ultimately want the money back. Perhaps not as a formal loan with repayment schedules. Would never want you to prioritise their loan over other essential things (unlike a formal bank loan would), but do want it back one day.

Howyiz · 13/07/2019 11:04

What does your DH say? As others have already said if your father in law really wants his gift back then you need to be clear that he would get £30k not a third of the property.

MarthasGinYard · 13/07/2019 11:04

I'd pay him back ASAP

UnderOverUnderRover · 13/07/2019 11:05

His math is all wrong.

As is his belief in owning some of your house.

rainbowbash · 13/07/2019 11:07

honestly, I wouldn't want to have his money that way. I would remortgage or do whatever you can do and return the 30k.

I know that legally he hasn't got s claim but I always prefer to be as much financially independent (even if painful) rather than having your situation. it won't be going away. pay him out, learn your lesson and close this chapter!

TheInebriati · 13/07/2019 11:09

He made a gift, not an investment in a property. Can you afford to repay the £30,000?

balonzz · 13/07/2019 11:09

You need to stop all of his talk, OP or he will continue to say such things. As others have said, it's all about power over you both.

I agree with the others who say to talk to him about repaying the original 30k. What a foolish man. Challenge him directly, the very next time he starts this talk again.

hadthesnip2 · 13/07/2019 11:10

As @NoBaggyPants said. I'm a mortgage / financial advisor & see this a lot. Obviously families want to help their offspring but lenders make sure the grantee signs a form saying that it is an outright gift. I wouldnt be surprised if your fil was expecting this money back at some point. Legally he cant do a thing but morally...?? Are you in a position to pay him back ?? Either in instalments or remortgage (if you can) and raise the money that way.

Either way you need to discuss it & getting sorted. Dont just leave it hanging because its "uncomfortable". You may think he's being a cf but he probably thought he was helping you at the time & the the lenders rules were just something he had yk do yo get you onto the housing ladder

aprilanne · 13/07/2019 11:12

What is it with some parents we gave our son and his future wife the majority of deposit for there house we stated it was a gift and that's what it was a gift to help the young ones get a leg on the property ladder .Ok it's Scotland houses are cheaper it was 10 not 30 but still a lot of our savings .either give it with love and be happy for them or don't give it attall so mean

LegionOfDoom · 13/07/2019 11:13

If you can afford to give it back now, or in instalments, I’d work towards that. This will cause issues for you later so better to sort it out as soon as you can.

If not, I would just tell him that when, and if, you sell the house, he can have his 30k back then.

Autumnchill · 13/07/2019 11:14

My father loaned us £14k for the deposit but it was clearly agreed that when we sold our car we repaid him. On the paperwork though he signed it was a gift otherwise they take it into account when doing the affordability check. 10 days later we repaid him.

You need to get clarity from FIL and Husband as to what the agreement was. Awkward conversation but needs doing.

JingsMahBucket · 13/07/2019 11:15

Is this dementia rarely its ugly head?

JingsMahBucket · 13/07/2019 11:15

Raring, rather.

Bearbehind · 13/07/2019 11:16

FIL sound completely clueless

a) if £100k was 30% of the house then his £30k is about 10% at best

b) he’s signed a legal document to say it was a gift

However, I’d find a way of paying him back ASAP so you don’t need to put up with his shit any longer.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 13/07/2019 11:17

Is £30k 1/3 of the value of the house?ConfusedHmm

Poor maths and dubious morals. Ask him if he’s asking for his “gift” back?

Enclume · 13/07/2019 11:17

Sounds like it was an informal loan and you need to repay him the 30k as soon as you can.

llangennith · 13/07/2019 11:21

Sounds like it was an informal loan and you need to repay him the 30k as soon as you can.

As the OP said right from the start, it was a GIFT not an informal loan (whatever that is).
The OP does not 'need' to pay him anything.

TrickyD · 13/07/2019 11:23

I had to sign to say they were outright gifts when we gave DSs chunks of money. Can't imagine asking for any of it back or considering it means I own part of their houses.

I am more interested in living for over seven years after last gift in order to keep the sum out of inhetitance tax.

Myriade · 13/07/2019 11:24

Two things, having given you (or lent you) 1/3 of the deposit doesn’t make him the owner of 1/3 of the house. He needs to make his calculations right.

Second, year ur DH needs to have a very serious chat with him and the difference between a gift and a loan. Because if, in his mind, this was a loan, then I would ensure I’m paying that one back pretty sharp (and then take a wide berth)

Playmytune · 13/07/2019 11:25

I gave my dd and her dp money for their deposit when they bought their first house. I had to sign a form to say the money was a gift to them and (can’t remember the exact wording, but basically something like) I would not expect any of it back. Presume this was the paperwork your fil signed. Legally he has no right to get any of the money back and does not have any share of your house.

Butchyrestingface · 13/07/2019 11:26

He declared it was a gift in the paperwork during the process and his name is not on the deeds.

Yes, yes, yes.

But what was the actual private understanding between him and your husband? Do you know?

This needs to be ironed out pronto.

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