... about daughter’s holiday clothes

[Dippypippy1980]

We got back from holidays a few days ago and I took my daughter to see her dad - not one of his days but she was very excited to tell him about the trip and show him some pictures (I did ring first😊).

His mum and sister were there, which was nice for my daughter. I had carefully selected photos which didn’t show my boyfriend - the snaps were either just of her or her with her cousins or my parents (I feature in very few holiday snaps!!). All went well - until granny announced that my daughter had some lovely holiday clothes, and her cousin would be able to use them on her holiday. She even pointed to several outfits saying won’t ‘polly’ look lovely in that!! Ex has a niece about six months older than my daughter.

Daughter gave me that panicked look, and I commented that I was sure she could borrow some of the swimming stuff (I am very careful about the sun so we had loads of rash vests) but that we would need the summer clothes for the summer. Granny laughed and said she was sure we could spare them for a couple of weeks and ‘children have to share’.

I am going to put together a small bundle - nothing daughter really loves and only a couple of dresses that she’s probably won’t wear at home. But I know they will think I am being mean. But really, they are her clothes (t-shirts, shorts, dresses, swim suits) for this summer. She has grown out of most of last years stuff and she can’t wear heavy winter clothes for two weeks? I should just ignore granny shouldn’t I??????

If it helps, due to a complicated back story, ex doesn’t pay child support and I buy all the clothes.

[Dippypippy1980]

Ok - boyfriend is laughing he head off at me, but has a good suggestion

I have put together a bundle off last years rash vests and a couple of last years dresses. They are very similar to this years wardrobe so they won’t be able to argue, photos were on my iPad so no hard evidence.

Some might fit polly. Daughter is tall for her age.

[Cloudyyy]

They are your daughter’s clothes!!! Do not give them away until she has finished with them.

[VeThings]

If they ask, just laugh and say I thought you were joking as obviously DD needs her clothes.

Unless they are handing clothes down to DD or they are doing something special for her that you’ve missed off your posts. Then I’d think you might want to send over her outgrown clothes for them to use.

[omafiet]

Don't give them anything. Cheeky bitch.

[Dippypippy1980]

Or having caught up with the comments maybe I should just leave it. I rarely see granny - maybe just forget the whole episode.

You have all given me courage😊.

I think I am so keen that daughter sees harmony between me and her dad I sometimes don’t do the right thing,

[Idontwanttotalk]

Definitely do not bundle up any of your DD's clothes for her cousin to borrow. You don't 'share' clothes with other family. Once she has outgrown them by all means pass them on if you wish but otherwise they are just your DD's summer clothes.

Your ex SIL should be buying her own daughter's clothes.

Remember that your DD had a look of panic on her face. Just remember that look.

I remember, as a young teen, my DM giving away my favourite corduroy coat to a poor family just because I had a new coat. The cord one still fitted and I was very upset that MY clothing had been given away without a thought for me (I preferred it to my new coat). Please don't do that to your DD.

[TheSandgroper]

Eh?

[Iloveacurry]

Don’t give them anything. If they say anything, well you bought the clothes with your money not from the nonexistent maintenance payment ...

[Aprillygirl]

Wtaf did I just read? LOL! Why on earth should your DD be expected to go without her nice clothes for two weeks of the short summer just so her family don't have to put their hands in their pockets? Honestly OP don't give these cheeky begs anything!

[MrsBertBibby]

Anusing idea, but it plays to the idea that there is anything remotely OK about trying to steal your daughter's clothes off her back.

Ignore, and when they ask again, just tell them you assumed they were joking.

Don't even give them rash vests, you won't get them back.

Absolutely cuckoo.

[Hoppinggreen]

Cheeky feckers get away with it because people don’t say no to them
Who cares if they “argue”? Why are you so concerned about what these people think?
If they complain that the clothes you give them arent the ones they wanted then screw them

[omafiet]

Why would you put a bundle together, even if last years clothes? Just say no. I can't understand why you would even consider clothing your ex_husband's niece. Sorry, OP, but you need to grow a spine here.

[ambereeree]

Don't send anything and if she asks again say no we need it as it's still summer. The tell her where you bought them?
Your ex doesn't pay for anything so why are you even considering sharing? Is the Aunt or Granny generous with gifts for your daughter

[TheSandgroper]

Nope. I don’t think so.

[ShinyMe]

Why is there a link in the word dresses each time? That's odd.

I wouldn't give the cheeky fucker anything at all. And I'd be telling my daughter she can keep ALL her clothes, not just her favourites.

[Vesperia]

She has grown out of most of last years stuff

Why not bundle up some of this ?

[MichelleC69]

I wouldn't even give them last year's stuff otherwise they'll just continue to try and take the piss. You're way too soft!

[SolsticeBabyMaybe]

100% ignore and pretend the conversation never happened. It wasn't even Polly or Polly's mum's idea! Forget it!

[newmomof1]

I'm just here to appreciate the best threat ever:
If you do, I’ll come out of the Internet and wibble your face in a bowl of jelly!
Thanks @LightDrizzle you've made my day!

OP your ExMIL is a CF.
PLEASE just send all of last years stuff for a laugh.
And at Xmas ask the ExMIL when your DD can borrow Polly's Xmas day outfit.

[newmomof1]

Ah cross post! Well done your boyfriend lol

[SoupDragon]

Don't give them anything!

[AncoraAmarena]

FFS don't give her anything. Nothing, not last year's clothes, NOTHING.

You are just encouraging more cheeky fucker behaviour otherwise.

Ignore ignore ignore. Don't be a pushover and show your daughter you are standing up to them.

[Usernamewillautodestrustin]

This is such odd behaviour. My MIL has tried to do this for me but not for any cousins (DH is an only child). She recently bought my youngest DD a huge set of summer clothes from Jojo Mama and I was very grateful. However she texted my DH and said she would like them back when DD has grown out of them as her friends daughter is having a baby girl.

DH told her that a gift is a gift and to ask for it back is very rude and it has not been mentioned since. The stupid thing is we are not having any more kids so had she mentioned it to me once they are too small for DD I probably would have offered.

Why do people think they can dictate these things to us!

[Maryann1975]

To me, children sharing is buying a big bag of sweets and saying to your dd ‘share these with your cousin’. It is not saying to your dd, go and get all your summer clothes because your cousin needs them for her holidays. I’d be happy to give them all the summer clothes next year when they were outgrown, but your dd will need them through out the summer holidays. What are they expecting her to wear?
If it comes up again, you need to be really strong and say no so your daughter knows you have listened to her wishes and following through what she wants to happen.
I also like the response from a pp who said to get granny to ask uncle to buy clothes for niece since he doesn’t buy any for his own dd. Does granny wrongly assume that the reason you can afford a lovely holiday and nice things is because she has been told your ex is paying for it all still?

[sausageandrashers]

Don't give them any of your stuff! It's so rude and totally cheeky that they just expect you to hand over the stuff you bought for your daughter. It would be completely different if you were getting rid of clothes that were outgrown or not wanted and offered them but for them to assume they could just take your daughters clothes. I'm not in the most paternal grandparent friendly mood right now so this might include some of my rage at my dcs paternal granny and grandad and their favouritism towards my kids cousin but do not give them anything!!! Stay strong OP you are not being a meany but not giving them stuff. Just tell them quite honestly that your dd is currently using her own clothes!