... about daughter’s holiday clothes

[Dippypippy1980]

We got back from holidays a few days ago and I took my daughter to see her dad - not one of his days but she was very excited to tell him about the trip and show him some pictures (I did ring first😊).

His mum and sister were there, which was nice for my daughter. I had carefully selected photos which didn’t show my boyfriend - the snaps were either just of her or her with her cousins or my parents (I feature in very few holiday snaps!!). All went well - until granny announced that my daughter had some lovely holiday clothes, and her cousin would be able to use them on her holiday. She even pointed to several outfits saying won’t ‘polly’ look lovely in that!! Ex has a niece about six months older than my daughter.

Daughter gave me that panicked look, and I commented that I was sure she could borrow some of the swimming stuff (I am very careful about the sun so we had loads of rash vests) but that we would need the summer clothes for the summer. Granny laughed and said she was sure we could spare them for a couple of weeks and ‘children have to share’.

I am going to put together a small bundle - nothing daughter really loves and only a couple of dresses that she’s probably won’t wear at home. But I know they will think I am being mean. But really, they are her clothes (t-shirts, shorts, dresses, swim suits) for this summer. She has grown out of most of last years stuff and she can’t wear heavy winter clothes for two weeks? I should just ignore granny shouldn’t I??????

If it helps, due to a complicated back story, ex doesn’t pay child support and I buy all the clothes.

[Fromage]

I would contact granny and ask her to ask dd's dad to hand over the clothes he paid for, to loan to Polly. The ones you paid for, you are selling on ebay/passing on to your neice or someone/ripping up to make dusters.

I feel sorry for Polly though. Mostly for having an arsehole for a grandmother.

Excellent idea to send last year's clothes though.

[Dippypippy1980]

Livefornaps 😂😂😂😂.

They will not be getting any clothes.

I don’t think granny would take them while daughter is visiting. She only does on Saturday nights, so doesn’t pack much clothes, and I make sure they all come back. I don’t leave clothes or big toys at her dads (due to previous experiences with a girlfriend and her children).

[ambereeree]

OP my Mil is like this along with SIL keep eyeing my daughters clothes and tell me to keep them clean for neice. Most clothes I buy are unisex and can be worn by my son first. A few months ago MIL started going through her clothes and folding them to take. I went and picked the clothes up and put them away back in the wardrobe.
Sometimes you have to be rude with these people.

[Isatis]

If Polly's mum was going along with this, I suggest you send a list of items from their family wardrobe that you're expecting them to send along. After all, if children must share, surely the same applies to adults?

[kidsmakesomuchwashing]

Erm tell them to sod off!

[Lovemusic33]

Why would you give away clothes your daughter can still wear. Very odd behaviour from granny, tell her not to be such a CF and if she wants Polly to have nice holiday clothes she should go and buy some.

[NewFoneWhoDis]

Granny is being a cheeky mare. Let me guess, she's of the opinion that you bought it with the vast maintenance that her son gives you that enables some sort of jetset lifestyle?

By all means offer to pass along clothes your DD no longer fits into, but anything that she currently wears, nope.

And I'd make sure that you ebay the good stuff and make a few quid off. SIL can have the rest.

[SavingSpaces2019]

Daughter gave me that panicked look, and I commented that I was sure she could borrow some of the swimming stuff
Your DD wasn't comfortable with this and looked to you for support.
Whilst it's nice that you've reassured her regards her favourite clothes, you're letting her down if you make up a bundle - because you would be enabling the CF's.
All that would say to your DD is that she doesn't have any right to decide what happens to her stuff, that others have a right to take her stuff, that their insinuations that she is spoilt are correct (because she doesn't want to give away her stuff).

This is your DD's stuff - why haven't you asked HER how she wants to de-clutter the stuff she doesn't need anymore?
She could bundle up her old stuff until she has enough to take to Cash4Clothes and earn herself some extra dosh to put towards new stuff/savings etc?

If you make a bundle for them you're setting a precedent - and they won't let up.
They don't care for your DD's feelings to be putting dibs on her stuff in front of her.
They've no respect for her, she's 7 yrs old not 7 months, she has a mind of her own and ought to be treated with some basic respect.
I bet she's already picking up on the subtle nuances they're projecting onto her about being spoilt and having 'too much', that by saying 'no' or having any say over her won stuff is being 'selfish' and 'greedy'.
They do it you OPENLY and you tolerate it - yet Grandma doesn't even care enough to know whether the dad is financially supporting his DD.
They don't care that you alone finance your DD's upbringing and costs...they just want you to finance the other grandchild.

I grew up in hand me downs and in my friends/family circle it's normal to pass on stuff that you no longer need - but it is NOT expected and if anyone tried these shitty passive aggressive tactics they would be pulled up on it.

[Yabbers]

Don’t “put together a bundle” Your relative’s can buy clothes for their own children.

If you give anything at all, you are saying she was right. And she wasn’t.

[Signhereplease]

I doubt granny has any idea he doesn’t contribute

Tell her.

[Atalune]

You’re not a drippy mum.

You’re a good mum.


Just don’t pass on any of the clothes! And if they ask you, just say, oh sorry I’ve forgotten. Then just keep forgetting.

Don’t overthink it. They are being so cheeky. Just put it to the back of your mind.

[Sexnotgender]

If Granny wants to mention about you 'living the high life' maybe you could remind her about her son's lack of contribution.

This, i would mention how much harder I had to work as her feckless son doesn’t pay his way.

[Rachelover40]

How acutely embarrassing for your daughter and Polly, children hate having such things said by their relatives. It's so tactless, I can feel myself blushing on their behalf!

Please don't give or lend them anything.

[Tighnabruaich]

The brass neck of Granny!
Don't succomb!
I have never heard the like of this, no wonder you were taken aback.
I hate cheeky, grasping sods like this.

[Girasole02]

I wouldn't mention it to her again or give it a second thought. If she brings it up just laugh as if you assume she's joking.

[plantbased]

Nope if I were you I wouldn't even give them last years' stuff. It sets a precedent and Granny is such a CF that she'll think she can wear you down further.

DO NOT GIVE THEM A SINGLE THING!!!

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

First off - don't make any bundles of your DD's clothes. She needs you to be her champion in situations like this. They are her clothes and not up as freebies for anyone.

I've read the first 100 posts and think you didn't do as badly as you may have thought initially.
You left Granny with the impression that you were going to share (that's fine). You have since come to realize that you don't have to put together a bundle of clothes for anyone from your 7 year old DD's wardrobe.

If Granny asks again, then just reply "Oh Granny, I really thought you were joking. We're not giving away any of DD's clothes. It may have worked when they were babies and toddlers but now, DD knows she doesn't have to give her clothes away just because Granny says so. She is allowed hang on to her clothes. If and when she grows out of them and if there is any wear left in them, we can put a bundle together. At the moment, she is wearing them and this topic isn't up for further discussion. Anyway, if anyone else wants clothes the ones that DD has were bought in Primark/Next/Wherever and they weren't expensive so they can get their own from there."

Job done.

[Branster]

Ignore the request and never mention it again. They are your DD’s clothes. Even if you bought them, they are not yours to lend out or give away. The cousin is not your responsibility. MIL is sticking her nose in.

[theunrivalledjoysofparenting]

So your ex is a CF and he obviously got that from his mother. Ignore her.

Some people are bonkers.

[IWentAwayIStayedAway]

Granny's a cheeky witch lol

[user1471590586]

Granny is really cheeky, can you distance yourselves from these people. Why should you do any favours for ex's family. You bought them without a contribution from ex, you owe them nothing. I'm wondering if you would even get them back, sounds like they just assume you can afford to replace them. Tell them that you will lend them the ones that ex bought or contributed to, which was absolutely nothing. Do they really expect you to pay to dress the ex's extended family's kids?! What cheek!

[Chovihano]

Please don't give anything, or granny will think it's an annual event. it would be different if they weren't close in age and they were being passed down.
Or send the stuff she's grown out of. You aren't to know it won't fit

[user1486131602]

Granny should shut her mouth or open her purse!

[Xenadog]

Tell granny to fuck off. I’d be incensed if my DD’s grandmother tried this on me. Also, why is ex not paying anything for his dd?

If you don’t want to say fuck off (and I’m struggling to think why) tell granny that you buy all of DD’s clothes and even if she wanted to donate her clothes to a cousin you get final say as you paid for them and your final say is no.

I would happily upset the grandmother and anyone else for this.

[LoafofSellotape]

No,not on at all and don't bundle together any clothes to appease mad granny!