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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I’ve breastfed for 15 months and I just hate it - I fee like a terrible mother

125 replies

Egguhat66 · 11/07/2019 23:37

My little boy is a thriving 15 month old. I’ve always breastfed. At first it was great. It’s free, easy, convenient and also the best thing you could give your baby. I loved the whole idea of it, but as the months passed i found it really affected my body, my back and neck always hurt and my bones ached like crazy! I would wake up at night in pain from how bad my bones felt. I started to feel drained all the time. I’ve only spent 2 nights away from my son and both times he had to be brought back early hours in the morning because he wouldn’t settle without breast. All the family have agreed they don’t want to have him overnight until he is no longer breastfeeding. I have never had a real break from him. Even when i finally get someone to have him for a few hours, he plays up really bad and the sitter usually texts me about how fussy he’s being and thats it - i cant enjoy my free time.

I absolutely love spending everyday with my son but I just want a break. He is so clingy to me. I compare him to my friends children and he seems so much more fussy. I have friends who have been on weekend holidays away from there babies and i know lots of parents that have regular nights off and i just cant help but feel slightly envious. I’d give anything to do something like that. I hate to say it but I wish I didn’t breastfeed to begin with. Don’t get me wrong - my lad is thriving and i owe it all to breastfeeding but he could have been perfectly healthy on formula just as well.

There’s just this guilt. I feel terrible. Every time i speak to anyone else that breastfeeds they seem to be having a positive experience so why am i resenting it?

It’s hard for me to deal with that no one i know wants to babysit for me. I know he is my sole responsibility but i feel really drained and i would love a little help. I can’t remember the last time i was without my son and I cant see it happening any time soon. I just feel suffocated. I feel like i want to be by myself a million miles away.

My son is 15 months. I’m not feeding a baby no more, i’m feeding a toddler which is a whole other ball game. He bites me, he scratches me, he hits, kicks, pinches and his teeth are so big that after every feed my nipple turns deep purple from where he cuts of the circulation. I dread every feed. Sometimes i wake up and cry just knowing i’ve got to get through another day.

Am I being pathetic? Am i ungrateful? What is wrong with me i just want to understand why i feel so negatively.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

OP posts:

moofolk · 11/07/2019 23:40

You are not pathetic or ungrateful you are amazing! You have breastfed your son for 15 months and now you are fed up of it.

For two whole years your body has not been your own and now you want to claim it - and a bit of free time and sanity - back and that is FINE.

I got fed up of breastfeeding long before then so can't give you advice on weaning a toddler but plenty of people can.

I happy, rested mum is more important than extended breastfeeding.

SluggishSnail · 11/07/2019 23:42

Maybe this is the right time to stop. There isn't need to breast feed a toddler - most people who still feed at that age do it because they like it. But as you don't like it, don't do it.

ladymariner · 11/07/2019 23:43

Stop breast feeding now! You've given your don an amazing start but enough is enough.

BitOfFun · 11/07/2019 23:43

It's time to stop if this is how you feel, and you certainly AREN'T a bad mother! You have done brilliantly. There are plenty of other ways to be close with your child, and at this stage your milk is not essential for nutrition.

Pat yourself on the back, and move forward.

WindowsSmindows · 11/07/2019 23:45

For the love of God woman, it's just time to stop that's all.

Hand him over to his father, book a hotel room for 2 nights, go relax, and come home to the rest of your life.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 11/07/2019 23:45

I never even attempted to BF any of my children, and I am in awe of you, honestly! You have done something amazing, and difficult, and done it for 15 MONTHS!
Don't beat yourself up because you don't want to carry on! Surely he is having solid food by now, and the breast is more comfort/habit than actual nutrition.
I am sure people who have been where you are will be along soon and advise you on ways to make it easier to stop.
You have no need whatsoever to feel guilty!

BubblesBuddy · 11/07/2019 23:49

You feel negative because you’ve fed him too long! I know this from bitter experience and wish I hadn’t done it with DD2 either! However, you are where you are!

When you start the bottle he might be rather difficult. I could write a book on that too! I had to send DD to nursery to escape! Eventually she drank from a cup and never did have a bottle. Eventually she ate well. Just persevere but get help if he’s difficult. DD was clingy too but I just left her at nursery for half days for sanity! Just try and stop feeding him because he’s just too big now!

newroundhere · 11/07/2019 23:50

Stop breastfeeding now. I carried on only until 9 months and I hated it - there's no reason to keep feeding now if you're not enjoying it.

P.S. there's absolutely nothing wrong with you!

Greenmarmalade · 11/07/2019 23:53

You could wean within a week. It's not easy, but you'll get through it, and he'll be perfectly fine. I weaned Dd3 at 20 months... 4 months later she couldn't remember ever being breastfed!!

I have fed 4 babies and completely empathize with what you're saying.

I think you should stop bf because it's making you unhappy. In your position, I would. But bear in mind that he still may not settle brilliantly at night. Days off, rather than nights, may be a better option until he's a little older?

ImportantWater · 11/07/2019 23:55

I genuinely think there comes a time when your body tells you it’s time to stop. I breastfed DS1 for about 14 months, DS2 for slightly longer, and with both there came a time when I started to feel icky, itchy, very slightly repulsed. It was the same feeling both times, and I had been fine with it up til then. I really think it is a thing.

edgeofheaven · 11/07/2019 23:59

I went to 15/16 months with each of mine and knew I was DONE. For every Earth mother nursing her child until Reception, there are many who don’t even BF for a day. Be proud of yourself and stop if you want to.

BackforGood · 11/07/2019 23:59

YABU to make yourself so unhappy when there is a very easy and sensible solution, yes.

namechanged2000 · 12/07/2019 00:01

I bf my first until he was same age as your child. He wanted to stop and I'm glad he did. I wanted to be able to go for a run for an hour without someone phoning or texting to say he was needing fed (bottle refuser) or he was being fussy and it was the only way to calm him down.

You've done your bit OP, move him onto a cup when you're ready to stop.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 12/07/2019 00:02

@ImportantWater you're describing 'nursing aversion' and it is absolutely a thing!

OP, you've done an amazing job- but it sounds like it's time to stop. Don't worry about bottles- your baby can go straight to a cup.

I weaned my toddler in 1 week by replacing myself with a cappuccino foam frothing gadget and letting DC push the button. Neither of us looked back!

But be prepared that weaning might not solve all your problems. If your DC has always been breastfeeding then you can't be sure if his unsettled and clinginess is caused by BF or just that's the kind of baby / toddler he is.

Can you pay for a babysitter so you get a break without waiting for a volunteer?

Caterina99 · 12/07/2019 00:04

Just stop. He’s 15 months. You’ve done great! Literally just start weaning right now. Both of my kids were only breastfed til around 6/7 months cos I was ready to be done by then so the weaning wasn’t too stressful. But we weaned DS off his dummy at just under 2 and he was not happy about it. But within 3 days he was fine and a week later he had zero interest. I imagine it’s a fairly similar process, but I’m sure there’s lots of advice out there as to the best way to wean a 15m old

SleepingStandingUp · 12/07/2019 00:05

Wean him off OP, that doesn't make you a bad Mum. You've done amazing!
Being a single Mum must be hard enough, don't make it harder in yourself because you think it makes you a bad Mum to ultimately give him a cup of milk instead of you

3luckystars · 12/07/2019 00:08

Well done!

LaurieMarlow · 12/07/2019 00:08

Just stop. I’ve wound up at 13 months. There were practical reasons for doing so, but also because I’d had enough.

I feel like we’ve had a good innings and it’s a good time to move on. No regrets.

LaurieMarlow · 12/07/2019 00:09

I weaned my toddler in 1 week by replacing myself with a cappuccino foam frothing gadget and letting DC push the button

AquarianSquirrel · 12/07/2019 00:09

You are absolutely within your rights to only continue until you feel you're done! Congratulations on feeding for 15 months. I am there myself and know exactly how you feel. However, posters saying toddlers don't breastfeed for nutrition are incorrect. There's loads of info out there about it.

You're a superstar for getting to 15 months without bottles! Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

Likeazombi · 12/07/2019 00:13

Please dont beat yourself op, youve done an amazing thing for a long time and now it's time to stop, your son eats food now and can drink cows milk so there is no reason to continue from a nutrition point of view.
Maybe stop other than the night feed for a while.
No boob in the day, he doesn't need it and you don't enjoy it, at night it could be a comfort thing if you don't want to cut him off completely and suddenly.
I wanted to breastfeed, managed 5days before I gave up in agony with a baby that didn't latch properly and flat nipples, I've always wished I could have made it work.
But my baby had a bottle. When he was a little older than your ds I weaned him off and gave him a cup in the day but bedtime i let him have a warm bottle for comfort in the hope he would sleep through the night.
Wean him off and don't feel guilty about it

Tolleshunt · 12/07/2019 00:14

YANBU. You are NOT a terrible mother! You’ve done brilliantly, but have now, quite understandably, had enough. Your feelings sound perfectly normal in the circumstances. If you give up bf now, absolutely no long term harm to your DS will result, and I dare say he will benefit from a happier mum. Please drop the guilt, it is not justified!

MrsGrammaticus · 12/07/2019 00:20

This is natures way of saying STOP. Also surely solids are going to start becoming a growing part of his diet soon and an exciting new phase to enjoy together. I've never heard of the bone ache thing OP, but I'm not liking the sound of it. I know when I quit feeding at just 6 months (And I was very proud of that) I don't think it was any small coincidence that I had about 3 teeth literally crumble in my mouth requiring a lot of dental work.....my point is it takes it out of you OP and you need to recover. Quit the guilt. Xxx

TwistyTop · 12/07/2019 00:27

Maybe it's time for you to stop? You don't have to breastfeed forever. And there's no magical transformation that happens at midnight at 18 months that means it's suddenly ok to stop breastfeeding. It's a guide - everyone is different.

You not enjoying it anymore and your son being aggressive about it might be a sign that it's time to wean.

Also you have to look at the whole picture - is it benefiting your son to be so clingy with you and not have any time away from you with his extended family?

Please don't be so hard on yourself OP. We really do beat ourselves up about breastfeeding, don't we?

CloudRusting · 12/07/2019 00:28

You have done SO well. It is very few children who still get BF at his age - he is a lucky boy to have had it for so long.

A phrase I like on duration of BF is “breastfeed until it does you head in”. It sounds like your head is being done in. If I felt like that I would either wean all together or cut it right down to eg first thing morning and last thing at night.

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