I’ve breastfed for 15 months and I just hate it - I fee like a terrible mother

[Egguhat66]

My little boy is a thriving 15 month old. I’ve always breastfed. At first it was great. It’s free, easy, convenient and also the best thing you could give your baby. I loved the whole idea of it, but as the months passed i found it really affected my body, my back and neck always hurt and my bones ached like crazy! I would wake up at night in pain from how bad my bones felt. I started to feel drained all the time. I’ve only spent 2 nights away from my son and both times he had to be brought back early hours in the morning because he wouldn’t settle without breast. All the family have agreed they don’t want to have him overnight until he is no longer breastfeeding. I have never had a real break from him. Even when i finally get someone to have him for a few hours, he plays up really bad and the sitter usually texts me about how fussy he’s being and thats it - i cant enjoy my free time.

I absolutely love spending everyday with my son but I just want a break. He is so clingy to me. I compare him to my friends children and he seems so much more fussy. I have friends who have been on weekend holidays away from there babies and i know lots of parents that have regular nights off and i just cant help but feel slightly envious. I’d give anything to do something like that. I hate to say it but I wish I didn’t breastfeed to begin with. Don’t get me wrong - my lad is thriving and i owe it all to breastfeeding but he could have been perfectly healthy on formula just as well.

There’s just this guilt. I feel terrible. Every time i speak to anyone else that breastfeeds they seem to be having a positive experience so why am i resenting it?

It’s hard for me to deal with that no one i know wants to babysit for me. I know he is my sole responsibility but i feel really drained and i would love a little help. I can’t remember the last time i was without my son and I cant see it happening any time soon. I just feel suffocated. I feel like i want to be by myself a million miles away.

My son is 15 months. I’m not feeding a baby no more, i’m feeding a toddler which is a whole other ball game. He bites me, he scratches me, he hits, kicks, pinches and his teeth are so big that after every feed my nipple turns deep purple from where he cuts of the circulation. I dread every feed. Sometimes i wake up and cry just knowing i’ve got to get through another day.

Am I being pathetic? Am i ungrateful? What is wrong with me i just want to understand why i feel so negatively.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

My sons weaned themselves one at 12 months the other at 24 months, neither one bit and I didn't have any discomfort - but your lad is a little nipper, your back hurts and so it's time for him to be weaned. You did a great job with him.

I never gave a bottle at all but weaned right onto sippy cups. Get him a nice sippy cup and call it his 'big boy cup'. My youngest had a Thomas the Tank engine one. Loved it. When I wanted him to move onto something else I used the 'big boy' tactic. Example, when he moved into a bed from his cot it was his 'big boy bed'.

He's 30 now and I still use it - "Be a big boy and put the kettle on for mummy"..he's a good sport. Love him to bits.

I shudder thinking of all those years breastfeeding my lot. Kinda hated it too.

OP I mean this kindly but why are you not just making a decision for yourself. Nobody owns you, not even your kids. Drop the drama about it all and do what works for you. It’s your body and your life.

I understand exactly I got to this point around a year with my second and 6 months with my third. I stopped at year with the second and combo fed from 6 months with my third. Extended bf if fine if you want to do it but it's also ok to stop

Have you had your Vitamin D checked? It should be hurting all your joints.

OP, I am where you are, but at 24m. I didn't mind it, but DS became even more clingy in the last couple months and protests without additional vigorous twiddling. It's really uncomfortable and he's waking me up several times a night as well. (I would stop but we are moving house soon, and I want to make sure he is settled before weaning him off.)

Your toddler will just get bigger and more insistent. If you hate it now then I would stop and preserve your sanity. If you're happier your little one will be too.

Oh OP, love, it’s time to stop. Let yourself off this hook.

I think the older they are the harder it gets to stop so I probably would do it sooner rather than later.

And when I bf my first, I think I was nutritionally depleted and run down by the end of it. It takes it out of you. Go get your bloods done.

Stop at once.

He's ready for cheese sandwiches and kitkats.

You've done a great job!

My experience from 2 DC one weaned at 17-18 months and one at about 26 montha is if you don't stop soon, it'll get harder not easier to wean - they become aware of what they are loosing and fight it.

How many times a day are you feeding? With DS at 12 months, I dropped one feed at a time during the daytime first, substituting with a snack. I took 2 weeks per feed I dropped, so that he'd accepted the substitute before I tried to drop the next feed. For bedtime / night time feeds you have to develop an alternative routine if you are currently feeding to sleep. We changed it to a feed first, then story, then rocking chair with offer of cows milk in a cup with either me or DH. I gradually cut the length of the feed over a couple of months and at some point they stop falling asleep part way through - if you need to go faster I suspect tears might be involved.

15 months? I couldn't hack it for 4 months!

I doubt your child gets any more benefit from breastmilk at this stage. Give yourself a break, you've more than earned it.

You are not a bad Mum for feeling this way. My littlest is a bit over two and still feeding and I went through aa huge stage of feeling trapped, having had enough and just wanting to run away.

The trick for me was to learn that I could indeed keep feeding but also be able to get away, he will happily go to bed and settle without a b/f when I am not at home however when I am home he wont settle without one which is fine now because I know that on the occasions that I am out he will be just fine. My supply has also not been affected.

Please look at how you hold your baby, your neck and back should not be hurting, you really need to find a position that works for you. Always bring baby to your breast, don't put your breast where baby is.

Lastly if you are ready to fully wean then don't feel bad about that either, if you are truly resenting it then you are losing out on the bonding aspect now anyway and there are plenty of other ways to bond with baby. All the best.

Also with regards to the biting and scratching

If he is biting you then he is not latched on properly, teeth or no teeth you should not be bitten.

If he is scratching and hurting you he is old enough to understand that it is not ok. Take him off and tell him no every time it happens, I used to put my son on the floor and walk away when he bit me. It only took a few times before he clued on and he was only around the 10 month mark.

Stop! You're a heroine for keeping going so long in this situation.

I loathed it too, and had no pain after the first couple of months. I just had a baby who was obsessed by my boobs by the time she was a toddler. I was simply the gatekeeper - I felt like telling her, "my eyes are up here!" I couldn't get changed in front of her because as soon as she saw my boobs, that would be it. Instant determination to feed.

I cut her off a few days after she turned 2, as the WHO say that's a good length. No reasons such as yours to stop. No pain, no misery in physical terms (other than being woken at night when she was determined for milk, anyway). She was very, very upset, as I'd known she would be, as she adored feeding and made no bones about loving it. She was very vocal about her sadness at being cut off, too. I had just HAD ENOUGH. And I never regretted it for a second. I'd done my duty! And so have you.

It's your body. You matter, too. And at 15 months, his relationship with you matters more than a slight boost nutritionally. Give yourself a break.

He is not a baby. He has teeth. Why are you even thinking he needs your milk?

Stop feeding! If it makes you feel like this it’s not worth it (and I’d say that even if he was 14 days rather than 14 months). He doesn’t need a bottle, he can have cow’s milk from a cup.

As many others have said. I would recommend you stop. Your mental and physical health is just as important as your babies. However this is not doing you any good.

When my dd started biting at 12 months I stopped cold Turkey as I was too frightened to feed her. It was making me anxious and tense. I moved her straight onto formula in a bottle as she wouldn't drink cows milk.

Now she has been having cows milk in her diet once we finish this box of formula we will be switching her to that. She is 23 months.

What I have found though is that mostly dd is still clingy for me at night and for comfort likes to put her hand down my top. I put this down to her being breast fed.

However she is perfectly fine being with my mum over night or staying with other people. I found her being cared for by 4 different people in the week helped with that as she got used to other people caring for her.

It might take a little time but the transition is doable.

You have been doing a great job so far but do what is right for you.

Actually, you sound like a wonderful mother. You have put your baby's needs above your own. It's ok to stop now. There are so many other ways to connect with him.

Go and get that bone pain checked at your GP's.

Wean to a cup. Introduce water too if your toddler hasn't had any yet.

Spend fun times playing and if you have a DP or DH now is a really good time for the DS to start having lots of fun times with dad. Trips to the park, swimming lessons, trips to a soft play, reading to him - all of this can be accomplished by dad.

I did five months and I was proud of that! Pack it in love, you have already gone over and above!

Even the La Leche League recommends that feeding should continue until either the mother or the baby is ready to stop. They are big on the fact that mothers are people with feelings and needs too. I would highly recommend that you get your vitamin d levels checked by a Dr as something doesn't sound right with the joint and the bone pain but I totally understand with regards to the wriggling and scratching. I have stopped a couple of feeds lately as my DD wasn't taking 'no scratching' seriously. Mine has never taken a bottle but will happily have a cup of cow's milk if she's with her dad and I am not there, or sometimes even from lector the novelty. Try and at least switch some of his feeds for some milk and work up from there. You are most definitely not a terrible mother. You love him and he knows it and you have fed him for way longer than average.

Just stop!!
Breastfeeding is great/good for baby etc but its not the be all and the end all and has declining benefits as time goes on. As someone said at 15 months the baby should be getting a lot (most?) of his nutrients from food. You don't need to go to formula just to normal milk if you want- and he is of an age to use a sippy cup as well.
it may be hard to break him of the habit but do it for your sanity-

For those to say just stop unfortunately it's not as easy as that because the kid clearly breastfeeds for comfort, and it's probably the main way to calm him down.

But definitely... don't feel guilty. You've done a sterling job!!!

You can use the don't offer/don't refuse method or substitute something else for certain daytime feedings if there is any schedule. If no schedule and comfort seems to be the important element, then try to find something else that is very comforting or calming instead. Sitting and reading or singing, having a nice warm bath, swinging at the park...

Does he have any favourite stuffed animal or a blanket?

You've really gone above and beyond and it's time to stop. Try calling the national breastfeeding helpline for help and support with this. They're amazing.

Why are you being such a martyr. Theres no prize for you for continuing.
As everyone said, just stop!
Your ds will be fine. He is well old enough.