I’ve breastfed for 15 months and I just hate it - I fee like a terrible mother

[Egguhat66]

My little boy is a thriving 15 month old. I’ve always breastfed. At first it was great. It’s free, easy, convenient and also the best thing you could give your baby. I loved the whole idea of it, but as the months passed i found it really affected my body, my back and neck always hurt and my bones ached like crazy! I would wake up at night in pain from how bad my bones felt. I started to feel drained all the time. I’ve only spent 2 nights away from my son and both times he had to be brought back early hours in the morning because he wouldn’t settle without breast. All the family have agreed they don’t want to have him overnight until he is no longer breastfeeding. I have never had a real break from him. Even when i finally get someone to have him for a few hours, he plays up really bad and the sitter usually texts me about how fussy he’s being and thats it - i cant enjoy my free time.

I absolutely love spending everyday with my son but I just want a break. He is so clingy to me. I compare him to my friends children and he seems so much more fussy. I have friends who have been on weekend holidays away from there babies and i know lots of parents that have regular nights off and i just cant help but feel slightly envious. I’d give anything to do something like that. I hate to say it but I wish I didn’t breastfeed to begin with. Don’t get me wrong - my lad is thriving and i owe it all to breastfeeding but he could have been perfectly healthy on formula just as well.

There’s just this guilt. I feel terrible. Every time i speak to anyone else that breastfeeds they seem to be having a positive experience so why am i resenting it?

It’s hard for me to deal with that no one i know wants to babysit for me. I know he is my sole responsibility but i feel really drained and i would love a little help. I can’t remember the last time i was without my son and I cant see it happening any time soon. I just feel suffocated. I feel like i want to be by myself a million miles away.

My son is 15 months. I’m not feeding a baby no more, i’m feeding a toddler which is a whole other ball game. He bites me, he scratches me, he hits, kicks, pinches and his teeth are so big that after every feed my nipple turns deep purple from where he cuts of the circulation. I dread every feed. Sometimes i wake up and cry just knowing i’ve got to get through another day.

Am I being pathetic? Am i ungrateful? What is wrong with me i just want to understand why i feel so negatively.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

I’ll begin with saying I’m still feeding a two year old and it’s harder feeding a toddler than a newborn imo
Any biting or scratching take him off tell him off, my ds soon got the message.
Day feeds are easy to drop just distract with something else, a bit of objection happens but not much. The first thing in the morning feed is easy to drop just quickly offer breakfast instead.
I’ve not done don’t offer don’t refuse because he would be constantly asking if he thought he’d be fed.
I’m stuck on two feeds now bedtime and about 3 am. When it gets colder and darker and he starts playgroup so is hopefully tireder those will go.
I know people who have bribed their children with other things such as ice cream
Good luck

I absolutely hated breastfeeding. Made my skin crawl. You aren’t a bad mum. Doing it for 15 months in my eyes you’re a saint!!

For crying out loud OP, you're not being selfish. Stop! I am still feeding my 22 month old, who loves the boob. But I know she is my last baby so I'm fine with it. If I weren't fine with it anymore, I would just wean her. I am currently working away from home part time and thought my clingy boob lover wouldn't cope without me. Turns out she's been absolutely fine. They are adaptable, he will adapt.

You aren’t a bad mother. You’ve done an amazing thing for your son and breastfeeding for 15 months is an incredible achievement

I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding and I’m still feeding my twins at nearly a year, but even I would say it’s time to stop. Yes there are nutritional benefits to breastfeeding into toddlerhood (despite what’s been said on this thread) but it sounds as if your mental health is being affected and that isn't good for you or your relationship with your son.

Perhaps contact la leche league or national breastfeeding helpline for advice about the best and kindest way to stop? Both are excellent.

And again WELL DONE. You should be very proud of yourself.

Why are you being such a martyr. Theres no prize for you for continuing.

THIS.

Stop then. My sister was the same hated her dc till she stopped breast feeding. Its one of many reasons i chose to ff. youve been amazing youve done 15 months. Stop now x

Indeed, it really is time to stop

You need to stop. It might be a hard couple of days/nights but he will forget and adapt without it very soon. I weaned my very reluctant 13 month old ds when I wanted to try for another baby and it was fine. He has never had formula and didn't really like cows milk but had a good diet. I am still feeding my 15 month dd but I have a very different experience to you. I don't want to leave her over night yet, am happy to still feed her and have never been biten or found it uncomfortable. I do however intend to wean her before 2 years. Just stop offering it to him. He will be fine and it sounds like you need it for your mental and physical health!

Also weaning might not cure the clinginess though. My ds is still super clingy and is 3. I spent 3 nights away from him when I had my dd (the only nights I have ever been apart) and was told by my parents that he cried constantly for me throughout the night. If they could of I'm sure they would have brought him to me in hospital!

It’s ok to stop, promise! You have done a great job, I breast fed my babies - to 13 months and 14 months but not my toddlers - by then I felt that they were getting all their nutrients from food - I know that the WHO recommends breastfeeding until at least 2, bit that’s a global recommendation and applies to people who live in countries where clean water and nutritious food aren’t so easy to come by. And it was easier than I thought - I just stopped offering, a feed at a time and gave a distraction - a toy, song, a walk, a snack - bedtime feed was last - until one day I just swapped that for a cuddle, a story and a cup of cows milk. I have a couple friends who fed their three and four year olds and whilst I’m proud of them, that was for me - wouldn’t have suited my babies or my family. I (a stranger on the internet) give you permission to make the right choice for you.

it was 12-14 months that I started to hate it too. I was the only one that could do bedtime, but DD would pinch scratch and bite. it wasn't relaxing for either of us.

she went straight to having cows milk in a cup so didn't have any bottle issues.

Breastfeeding for the first year is awesome. But past that? I think you can stop now if you're not enjoying it. I stopped at 12m with both and don't feel even slightly guilty.

My god woman, you’re a hero to make it until 15 months. I only managed 4 months with each of mine and they had some formula feeds too. Stop now. I mean really, start weaning today. It’s making you feel resentful towards him (not surprising at all!) which is worse for him than not being on the breast any more. Stop and you can get a break, he can spend some quality time with your family and everyone will be happier. Happy mum, happy baby. It’s a win win situation.

For all those saying “just stop” and calling the o/p a martyr it really isn’t that simple.

Emotions around breastfeeding are complicated. I felt exactly the same as the o/p. I hated pretty much every minute, but I carried on for many reasons, it was free, it was convenient, and the positive feelings if knowing I was doing it for my baby’s benefit outweighed the negatives.

There’s a lot of parenting I don’t like doing, but I do it because I feel it’s best for the child. That’s how it was with bf. If I’d have given up I’d have felt like I was putting my dislike of it over my baby’s needs.

So o/p. Start with acknowledging your feelings. Have a weigh up of how you feel about stopping. One thing that got me through was knowing it wasn’t for ever and there would be an end, and every day I was closer.

If you don’t want to stop (and that’s different from not wanting to carry on) try to find ways of making it easier. I couldn't “just stop” so I did a mix of bf and expressing and bottles, gradually changing to formula. I found picking a routine helped- bottles at night, before bed.

I was lucky in that once mine got used to formula they refused bf, so I felt it was their decision, iyswim. Me forcing them would have added to my emotional guilt.

Sounds like it’s time to stop. I stopped feeding mine at 13 and 14 months. You’ve done a great run but time to cheat your body back. There are lots of different methods people use for weaning, for us my husband taking over in the night was the most effective

I felt like this on my last.I fed till he was 15 months as well.You just want to have your body back.Its ok to feel like this.

Does he feed all the time,or is it morning and evening.
If its all the time drop one feed.If its only morning or evening.Break the habit.If he normally feeds in bed,get up and get breakfast.

He doesnt need a bottle,a sippy cup and loads of praise.And cows milk is fine at this age too.

Why are you being such a martyr. Theres no prize for you for continuing.

If it were that easy she would have just stopped already. There are a lot of emotions tied up in this.

OP, not the same situation as me but my twins were tube fed preemies who couldn’t latch. I felt like they really needed breast milk so I pumped. No matter how much I pumped my supply dropped and dropped, I ended up pumping 12x a day for 7 months and still having to supplement with formula. I hated pumping, I hated every second of it. It fucked up my back longterm and I still struggle with it now and they’re nearly 3.

I wish I could go back in time and give myself permission to stop sooner. Once I did, I wondered why I hadn’t stopped much earlier but every time I thought about quitting the guilt was overwhelming. I didn’t realise I was suffering from PND and anxiety at the time.

Give yourself permission to wean him now.

We have no one to look after our twins and it is soul destroying to never have a break. They started nursery a couple of mornings a week at 27 months and it was such a huge help to have a regular break to rest.

Also surely solids are going to start becoming a growing part of his diet soon and an exciting new phase to enjoy together.
At 15 months pretty sure solids make up most of his diet

I weaned at 17m. My son was feeding 3 times during the night and probably another 5 times during the day and I was just so done. I tried cutting down feeds but it just never worked for us as he never had any routine. I was doing 12 hour shifts and then every time we were together he was feeding all the time.
I had a party (for a different occasion) where he was running about with his cousin all day and getting attention so wasnt interested then he stayed at Grandmas that night. It wasnt really the plan but we decided just to keep going with it as he hadn't fed in 24 hours which was unheard of. We kept busy the next day and the next night he woke up 4 times, had a cuddle and a drink of water and settled straight back down. He never asked for it again and has slept through the night since. Was a wee bit traumatic doing 12 hour shifts while my boobs readjusted but I think by 2-3 days I was totally fine, had to Express for comfort maybe once.

I stopped feeding DD at 5.5 months when I started weaning her. I loathed breastfeeding and only did it because I had a supply and thought it was the right thing to do. Her latch was never great and it was never comfortable really but in the early days I've never known pain like it - I used to silently scream every time she latched on. I did ask for help but I never quite cracked it. And I desperately wanted my body back.

DD is now 5 and recently has been obsessing with my boobs and pretending to breastfeed playfully. I've had to gently ask her not to as it makes me very uncomfortable rightly or wrongly. You're a super hero for doing it as long as you have!

Why havn’t you stopped?

I breast fed all my 4 children for between 9-12months . Once solids introduced you gradually reduce breast feeding , add in formula and then stop all together.

Well done for feeding so long but why are you carrying on when it isn’t longer working for you anymore. The difficulty is now, you have breast fed past the baby stage, your child will likely protest more when you try and stop. You can still stop though, you may need partners support.

Good luck

Stop feeding him now. Say no. Yes, he might kick off for a bit, but keep strong. And please don't go down the route of putting him on a bottle! He's a toddler and can use a cup quite happily. I weaned DD1 at 14 months because I had had enough and she did not eat (due to allergies, 4 cornflakes in a day was a cause for celebration). She was fine about it. I weaned DD2 at 9 months because I had to have an operation. She ate well and again, I had her using a cup. You just have to stay strong and say no. Well done on breastfeeding for so long.

You've done brilliantly but mybgoidvess you're allowed to stop now! I am very proud 9f myself for breastfeeding up to 7 months. That was enough for me.

15 months is a long time to breastfeed. Why do you feel the need to continue?

He can get all the nutrients from other foods. The extended BF, is often done more for the mother's desire, than the child's need.

Stop breastfeeding. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I say this as a breastfeeding peer supporter. Breastfeeding is great, but only if a mother wants to and is comfortable doing so. You’re not and it’s not making you a better parent by continuing. You’ve done an amazing thing and will have lots of lovely memories but it’s time to move on. Good luck.