To think DH should remember...

[leopardandspots]

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

When did the last day at school become an event? When I left primary school I went home with the childminder, then got picked up when my mum finished work. Same as every other day! I feel I’m a well adjusted adult and do not feel I missed out for not having a celebration 😂 Surely most people on MN did not have a celebration for leaving primary? (Or any school for that matter) I’m in my 30s and high school proms didn’t exist when I left.

Your DD will not give a shit about him not being there, no one remembers their last day at primary school. Get a grip op.

“It's like a rite of passage that she'll remember.”

I bet she won’t remember leaving school, secondary school maybe but not primary

Is she your youngest op?

I think there's a real risk of setting children up to fail in the future with the fashion for celebrating every little milestone and all the fuss that goes along with it. It's not healthy.

I don't remember my last day at school. I'm unscathed as an adult.

Everything has become so artificial and fake .
I can understand graduation but this really.
Just tell him what you want him to do if you want him there insist.

good grief, I thought he had abandoned all childcare to you and was going to say YANBU

but in you case, you need to chill! By all means bring your kids to whatever party or picnic is organised so they can all join the fun, no need to make it the event of the year.

I very much care about my kids, I try to go to most assemblies, but I don't need to go overboard, and frankly, I think the school is "theirs" and the best celebration of the last day of school really shouldn't involve parents at all. I love schools when they have some kind of fun day, or celebration, or special play time whatever DURING SCHOOL HOURS! Make it special that way, they don't need mum and dad around.

No wonder proms have gone completely out of hand nowadays when people want to make such a big fuss out of nothing.

To those saying she no one remembers leaving primary school, I remember my last day. We didn’t do parties, after school celebrations or signing shirts as this was the 1970’s. I did take a notebook round and asked all the teachers to sign in it. My old infants teacher Miss Butland wrote ‘Bonne Chance’ in which I thought was amazing and she signed writing her full name which I thought was so grown up and then discovered we had the same first name - I can remember feeling utterly elated. I’m 46.

OP it’s sad that he doesn’t want to join in with the celebrations, is he usually such an arse?

Op well done for putting your child first, rare in this age.

Really? Are you kidding?

You'll be called precious by those who think their children don't matter, or can't be bothered, or other things more important.

Good passive aggressiveness there.

It matters to some people, to others it won't as much. I didn't care or make a fuss about it, it was just another day. Far too excited about the school holidays.

I think it matters to you op as this will be the last time you have a child leave primary.

I’m not surprised he’s going out for a drink, I’d probably book myself in for rectal surgery if it was the only way of escaping a manufactured melodrama like this

Actually, thinking about it, it would have been 84 by the time I left. That’s good, I don’t feel quite so ancient now 😂

overnightangel

I’m a teacher and off the top of my head I’m not even completely sure of the date of my own last day of term. Same for DD, not sure if it’s the Wednesday or Thursday although I do have it on the calendar. I don’t tend to plan beyond the week I’m in!

But won't DD's celebrations etc be after school eg from 4 pm- so potentially just going to work clashes with it?
is it about her celebrating or parents celebrating?

OP I completely understand where you're coming from as it's also my son's last day at primary school next week and I feel it's a big deal for them! I understand if DH couldn't be there for work but it's not, genuinely surprised how nasty some people are on here lately!

I've no idea what happened on my last day at Primary. There must have been a special assembly where we were presented with an atlas and a bible (CofE school). I bet we sang "One More Step" too. Couldn't tell you if my parents were there or not🤷🏻‍♀️
My parents couldn't get the time off to go to my brother's so leaving assembly, so I went to it with him (decent age gap) then walked home with him.

This site is nuts. There was another thread where people were being called ‘nasty bullies’ who should be ‘fucking ashamed’ when they questioned someone for organising tastings for a random wedding anniversary for 2 people, but here someone would like their husband to be around for their child’s last day at primary school, and she is branded ridiculous and OTT? Right.

I think that this last day thing is a bit OTT but I also think that many men are not part of the work around organising school events or facilitating this stuff. It has become part of women's work to buy the teacher cards, sort out the pick ups etc etc. It is then a bit irritating to find that on a day where you are dealing with heightened emotions and a shit load of organising that your child's father has no awareness and is going out for a drink. That said it all sounds very pain ful and it probably doesn't require two adults to get through this. I think you should also be honest about how you would want to be there. If he offered to do it instead, would you be happy to leave it to him?

I sense an undercurrent of longstanding resentment with your DH. Realistically, it only takes one parent to do all the running about you describe, I don't imagine both parents for most DC will be picnicing and partying, but I suspect your over reaction is part of a bigger picture.

genuinely surprised how nasty some people are on here lately!

it's not nasty to find the parents over-involvement ridiculous and wish we stop get carried away.

Also massive YABU for turning it into a men vs women thing!

YABVU OP. It appears to be a big deal to you for some reason. To your OH it isn't. The schools make these things into a big deal. They don't need to. I'm sure your OH wouldn't care if you went out on his last or first day at a job. Why would he? If you want to go to the picnic you go. Last day at Primary School, last day at Nursery etc really doesn't need to be made into such a drama.

@overnightangel I agree with you.

If your DD is going to a disco in the evening, there's not much point in both of you taking her to and from it, or even hanging around for the dubious pleasures of watching the kids dancing for a couple of hours.

My children all found their last day at primary school quite emotional. That was why I wanted the evening to be reasonably calm and normal, rather than keeping the emotion levels running high. If that meant DH being out, no problem.

On DD's last day she went to a party and barbecue in someone's garden. Most of the mums were there, but no dad's as they were at work. DH works from home and shuddered at the idea of going, but he hates social gatherings at the best of times anyway.

Op I think you need to start again and say what’s really going on, perhaps in a new thread. I assume this is your last child finishing primary? I assume you’re feeling like it’s a rite of passage for you as well as your daughter?

it's just another man getting an easy ride on here

Hahahahahahaha! Oh dear lord that's funny...

"The school is "theirs" and the best celebration of the last day of school really shouldn't involve parents at all"

Well said that25cUKHeatwaveof2019

It feels to me that you are centring yourself and your partner in this, rather than seeing it from your daughter's perspective. She has developed a whole world of experiences and relationships at school that you will only know a tiny fraction of (the bits she chooses to share with you). The last day should be about her saying goodbye to this familiar world of hers and it really doesn't need to involve you.

By all means acknowledge that it's a big day for her but surely you don't both need to be there for the whole shebang, picnic, disco etc? It could actually be a distraction for her and prevent her from spending time and focusing on the people and place she is saying goodbye to.