To think DH should remember...

[leopardandspots]

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

🙄

I do wonder how he'd respond if I made plans and didn't see her at all on her first or last day of primary school. But hey ho.

My DC were taken to primary school on their first day by the breakfast club (along with the other children there).
They were picked up on their last day by the after school club.

Half an hour care in the AM
1 hour care after school. Every day throughout primary.

No sports days or assemblies attended by me/DH or any other relatives.

Because we work OP.
And we're also shit parents apparently.

If it was his first or last day in a new job I think he'd be miffed if we forgot and went out.

I do wonder how he'd respond if I made plans and didn't see her at all on her first or last day of primary school. But hey ho.

I imagine he wouldn't give a shit.

The plan is collect the kids from school and the teacher gets given a present etc. They all sign shirts if they haven't done already.. Then there's a picnic with the whole year group in a local park and later a disco party that parents can stay at or not.

What part of that requires both parents to be there? Or either of them really.

What?

Every day "only happens once". I can't remember my last day at primary school for the life of me. Nor can I imagine wanting my parents to make a fuss of it. I think you're being ridiculous.

Meh your being unreasonable.

My DSS went to an end of term sleepover sometime around the end of term, maybe the last day. But we didn’t do anything?! Neither did his mum...

He doesn’t remember it..... she won’t when she’s older either. Do you remember your last day of primary? I don’t! I
Remember signing peoples dresses that’s it....

and before you ask... no we couldn't arrange 'leave' from work.
Teachers don't get to turn up late to work because their taking their DC to school or going to an assembly .

I don't understand this at all. For my kids leaving primary school want something that involved anyone but themselves. Neither parent was at the school gates crying (wtf?). It's the norm for 11 year olds to walk home from school with their mates, and many parents work anyway.

So no, it's not a two parent occasion, and there's certainly no reason to make it a three line whip. To be honest I suspect most 11 year olds don't want their parents in the way. If it's any sort of occasion for them, it's about their friends.

I don't think its such a big deal op
I don't remember my last day of primary school
Yab a bit unreasonable

On dd's last day they were allowed to wear their own clothes, there was a leavers show where we saw photos of them as babies and on their first day then there was a class picnic in the local park, which their teachers came to. My dd would have been gutted if I hadn't bothered to turn up at the class picnic and I enjoyed it too actually, it was lovely saying goodbye and thanking everyone and having that sense of moving on.

All this competitive "it's not a big deal, get a grip" sneeriness on here, no it's not a big deal to YOU - grown adults. It probably is a very big deal to most of your children though. Like it or not it's a landmark time these days and I remember my own mother regularly not bothering or rolling her eyes at stuff that was important to me growing up and it used to upset me and make me feel embarrassed and silly. Bollocks to "resilience". There's plenty of time to encourage that. Who are you grown adults to decide what's important to your kids?

I do think you are BU in expecting your partner to cancel his plans & go along to the picnic/ disco when he clearly dosent want to.
Fair enough that you see it as a rite of passage & want to go along.
My DC would have cringed at the thought of DH & I hanging around at the school leavers disco!

I struggled to remember what DS did on his last day at primary- he’s in yr 9 now. He finished his assembly, got his shirt signed and I dropped him at home as I had to go back to work for my class’s leavers’ assembly.

That night he went off to Scout Camp for 3 nights.

Wouldn't be a big deal for me either.

Those saying she won’t remember the last day of primary school so it doesn’t matter and no need to make a fuss. I don’t remember my birthday when I turned 3 or 4, or Christmas at those times but I’m pretty certain my family would have still made a fuss

Who are you grown adults to decide what's important to your kids?

Some of us have work to do and bills to pay and can't take time off.

Not all kids have parents picnic and want their parents to join in. In my kids school, there's nothing organised for the benefit of the parents, they have a special last day at school which the kids enjoy 🤷

What a load of fuss over nothing.

YABVU

If she remembers it, years down the line, she'll remember saying goodbye to favourite teachers and friends going to different high schools, I doubt she'll remember if both parents were at home the same afternoon/evening. Have you got something planned for after school/that evening or are you just planning on going home and talking about the fact she has left school? Will he see her in the morning before he has left for work? If not, maybe he could leave her a 'enjoy your last day at primary school!' Type of note. I really don't see the issue and think there could be a backstory here.

Then there's a picnic with the whole year group in a local park and later a disco party that parents can stay at or not.

Ok THAT I get.
Basically, a parent will be needed to take the child to the Park and then the disco. But somehow it’s ok to unilaterally decide he can go out leaving you with the responsibility and wo asking you if it’s ok?
My dcs have had a disco too at the end of primary. It was a big deal to THEM to go there with the parents.

From your posts, I suspect it’s not really an issue with him going out or that particular end of the year. It’s the fact that he is taking no responsibility whatsoever in the child and their activities/parties/picking up art work and whatnot.
It’s only one of the long list of times where you, as the mother, have been expected to be there for the child/teenager, expected to arrange your life around it but he is still doing whatever he wants whenever he wants with no expectations out on him.

*Some of us have work to do and bills to pay and can't take time off.

But this isn't that . He can take time off, he's just going on the piss instead.

You do know you're being ridiculous right? So long as your daughter can be involved in whatever is planned, why on earth would both parents need to be there?

lotus RTFT.
There is a picnic and then a disco planned.
One that the OP is expected to plan around but he clearly ‘didn’t remember about’.

I'm so surprised at some of the initial replies!
It's not that he can't go out but I remember my last day of primary, full of tears and drama and probably exhausting. Also assemblies and little things for parents.
Wouldn't he want to be there for that regardless of whether he needs to be ?! And picking up the pieces afterwards.. that's down to you on your own is it!?
He can go out the next week.

he’s missing out, it’s a shame he’d prefer to see his friend, but wouldnt the main bit be 3.30-6 when he’s still at work anyway? At least you can be there. Does he enjoy time with her at other times?

I'm a parent who hasn't noticed half term before so we are a very different family but after a year or two leaving primary will be looked back on fondly and then largely forgotten about. I would never consider it a day the whole family had to make a fuss of, perhaps tea out but that would be more or an end of term treat. This has been the same for 4 children.

Do you both always go to school things? We have always tagteam parented where needed. I confess I have never been to a single one of the sports days because they fall on my work day and it's easier for DH to take a bit of time off so he has done all of those. I will do dds last day next Tuesday - also a leavers service and a picnic at the park. Lots of parents won't be there because it's a work day and very few children, if any, will have both parents there. Then I'm going out in the evening because it's a normal evening and the celebration will be over.

There's really no need for both parents to do this sort of thing so long as he does some of the school stuff. However if you both have "several" adult kids at uni (I'm picturing 4 or 5 here, which is quite a lot to have at uni at the same time) then surely you have had plenty of time to work through who supports the DC with what at school.

Well I think your daughter takes after you. At least you have each other.

No wonder he wants to go out.