To think DH should remember...

[leopardandspots]

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

Ok found it. Single parent to different DC.

Still may perhaps explain a lot about a different understanding of / attitude towards co parenting.

Yes just to clarify I was a single parent to older DC who are now adult.Been with DH for 13 years -He is father of the DD leaving primary next week.

I thought my years of single parenting would make me have lower expectations of co parenting to be honest. I’m still surprised that in a co parenting situation quite a few posters think it’s unreasonable to expect both parents to know when a DC leaves primary.

I did assume DH would recall when DDs final day was- but I didn’t expect him to take the afternoon off work.

With respect to arranging to see his mate straight after work (which always involves coming home after we are all asleep) this thread has made me realise it’s his choice.

I do think fully shared co -parenting involves both parents ( if there are 2) knowing the end of primary date.

Some posters have said as well as knowing the day, both parents will be around on the last day.if work permits.That sounds even more ideal to me but only if the DC want that.

I found a BBC article on it (leaving primary that is - not forgetful DHs). For what it’s worth I think a leaver's party by helicopter at the end of primary is ott, but expecting DH to know the date is not.

end|of|the|book|bag|years

Ok so it's all about the date as you have said several times in this post. Does he get the same school emails as you? At our school only the first named parent gets emails so I have to forward them to DH. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but I do let him know important things. Perhaps you could have let him know this date since it is extremely important to you.

As I've said before, I think thats how co parenting works. With the hobby our DC do that dh is involved in he lets me know key dates because he is the main parent in that and I don't have brain space to read every email connected to that.

Perhaps you need to talk about division of labour in your family so you don't feel so disappointed in future.

This can't be real !! Ridiculous if it is.

In our 21 years of marriage my husband has never remembered any date, year or occasion. I don't think it's a big deal. My daughter turned 18 this year, he thought she might be 16. It's become our family joke where the kids and me tease him about this. He never remembers any date.

It's primary school, really not that a big deal of a milestone. And because of parents like you every little event is becoming an expensive

First and last four days of school are important, I have never herd of this. WTAF since when??
And crying parents at child's last day at school - really. Seriously this just is weird

Unless you have an event which he is aware off, and doesn't attend then yes YANBU, but it's just a normal working day for any working parent.

And because of parents like you every little event is becoming expensive

That's mean, holding me responsible for events schools hold.. All I wanted was for DH to remember when DD is leaving school..

I'm not responsible for initiating and organising the events- the school and PTA are.The disco charge was £5 per ticket and DD chose to go.

Since this thread started I've had one Mum mentioning she's not around for the last day stuff at all (she wasn't going to change her pub plans with her work friends. Her DH will be there. Then we had a soppy WhatsApp message from another Mum sort of briefly summarising the highs and lows of the last 7 years saying she's going to miss the laughter and us all (as she has younger children still in the school). I've had another Mum posting the last pics of the football team together saying "last ever session together 😢"

So very different approaches.

I guess for those who think there should be minimal fuss to mark the occasion the parents can avoid it and ban the DC or give them the choice.

i have learned there's a huge difference of opinion about the importance of leaving primary but can't believe the last poster thinks the first day of school is unimportant.

Suggesting anyone might ban their DC is quite goady!

@leopardandspots I'm sorry I agree I shouldn't have said you are responsible.
But such events become a trend with financial implications, which isn't your fault.

It was a school assembly last week, and my youngest wasn't participating but he wanted someone from home to be there so he could wave at them. I couldn't attend but my daughter went. It's his sports day is tomorrow, I'd forgotten but was reminded. I think as long as someone is there to share an event it is enough.

Is it?

I don't know what the competitive disinterested parenting thing is about though. Aren't some of the posts about it being weird or insane to see moving on from primary school as being important goady too?

It's a bit like a Monty python sketch " well I don't know when my DD/DS leaves primary school either."

" Don't know when he/she leaves school ? Well! I don't even know what year he/ she's in"

" Don't know the Year well I don't know the name of the school"

" Don't know the name of the school- well I don't even know where the school is" etc

I would say the first and last day is important but not something to celebrate,

Sorry the "is it" was to* the suggestion of goadiness from myother*

Sorry bold fail.

Dear me...what a fuss. It is special for the year 6 pupils which is why they all sign each other's shirts and have fun in their last day. IMO it is not for parents.

YABU
But clearly you’re not going to listen to the 95% on here who are answering your question - Yes, YABU.

Those WhatsApp MSG's you quoted sum it up. They're all about how the parents feel and not about the kids. I'll miss the community of the primary school although I hope some of it will continue, but I'm aware that the kids are just excited and actually here they all seem to be more into starting the new school than what's going on at the old school they're leaving

@cansu Of course it's women’s work, men u deed tans that ‘gifts for teacher’ And end of term prom are just marketing ploys to get you to spend more money. They refuse to buy into the ridiculousness of them!

There will be plenty of children picked up by childminders, nannies or babysitters, as you so sneeringly mentioned. I would have been one of them. I would try and dampen down your DC's overexcitement if you can, it will help her in the long run.

Of course if it's too far to walk to the disco then take her but this is all very hyped up and doesn't help her in the long run. She has the whole holidays to talk to you and her father about how she feels about it.

If this is a long running issue with your DH about the mental load and the fact that through all your parenting years he's expected you to carry it then a calmer conversation over the holidays about how to change it for DC's secondary years sounds more productive than a drama over one night next week.

“In our 21 years of marriage my husband has never remembered any date, year or occasion. I don't think it's a big deal. My daughter turned 18 this year, he thought she might be 16...,”

Well done that dad - he’s the winner!

I might “forget” it’s September and send my kids back to school in October or something.

I admit I remember mine (mid 90s) but that's because the time was so intense rather than doing something in particular. In the space of those summer holidays i left junior school, moved house & left childhood friends behind (was a fair distance) , grandma died after brave long drawn out cancer battle, we 'inherited' the care of alcoholic grandfather, started my periods and then started senior school. Instead of a relaxing break I think I was partly glad to go back for a rest!!!!

I remember the classroom and saying goodbye but nothing special happened , by the school or us. I don't it would be remembered?

I used to have a husband who could barely remember our children's birthdays, never mind any other dates so I can sympathise. However, I've never signed up for all this school end prom rubbish or anything similar. When I was 8, we moved to a foreign country. A week later, on the first day of term, I got plonked on the school bus with a bunch of kids I couldn't understand and basically left to get on with it. No photos, no fanfare, no biggie. Life lessons. I reckon kids are too pampered and treated like mini celebs nowadays anyway.They just have to complete their homework and they get a round of applause. We all love our kids but good grief, really??

?? There will be plenty of children picked up by childminders, nannies or babysitters, as you so sneeringly mentioned.

Who mentioned childminders etc?

OP at my dc's last year some women were having a bit of a muted cry themselves - I noticed they were ones who didn't have a younger child still at primary. It's a big change and I don't think there's the same parental involvement in secondary.
There's another thread on here about how it's a waste of time and money going to university graduations. Some people just don't mark occasions and others do. I don't think there's any reconciling the two views any more than in a shoes on/shoes off debate!
And there's no arguing with women who see no difference in the emotional labour carried out by mothers.

I wonder how many PP have children around year 6 age. It was never a big deal when I was a school but it is celebrated now, my DC has a leavers assembly followed by playground barbecue and balloon release on their last day, most parents attended. I think DC really do care if parents turn up at these events and it is an important rite of passage for them and as a parent you should be prepared to put your DC first. I would be a upset to, OP has made adjustments to her day to be there for her DC and so should DH

My daughters leavers assembly is on Friday and I will be attending. Her step dad is going to the afternoon performance of the Year 6 play and I'll go to the evening one. I dont know if her dad knows about these events but if he spent time talking to her (she's just got back from his), then it's his choice 😏

@Zaeem5
I would see it as a problem but I don't because the kids don't see it as a problem. He is a brilliant hands on dad, just not great with dates or remembering any event. He does the cooking, and works 12 hour night shifts. I'm a SAHM and help out with food, but all the school/appointments/parents evening. My husband attended the assemblies of sports if not working