To think DH should remember...

[leopardandspots]

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

Dear me. 😂

Right now I feel REALLY sorry for your husband OP and that's not a sentence I utter often or lightly.

Getting your period is a right of passage.

Passing your GCSES/A LEVELS is a right of passage.

Getting drunk for the 1st time (and puking) is a right of passage.

Kissing your 1st boyfriend is a right of passage.

Graduating is a right of passage.

Buying your own property is a right of passage.

Getting married is a right of passage.

Having a baby is a right of passage.

Finishing primary school is not a right of passage, it is a mere blip in the landscape of life that your DD will barely remember half way through the school holidays and the only women who care about such things are women with WAY too much time on their hands.

If it really means that much to you, take DD to the cinema on the pretext of a girls treat and buy yourselves extra large popcorn.... she'll love it and you will feel like you've marked the occasion.

You can't expect DH to put the same value on things as you, in the nicest possible way: leave the poor man alone.

The deal for your DD is that she won't be with the same group of friends or teachers, and that the next step is one nearer her growing up.
Whether your DH is around in the evening or not isn't going to have any impact as it's not about him
I would also suggest you don't make this a big deal yourself. I understand it's a sign she's moving on and a step away from you but by making it a big deal (and possibly focusing on your fears and concerns) you're adding to her anxieties.

What happens when she has her first period? Are going to insist on DH being around for that too?

So she's leaving primary school? Big deal! Fussing about it will just make her feel entitled.

Why is everyone so against OP wanting to celebrate her DD last day of primary school? IMO its exactly the same as finishing GCSEs, A levels, college/university.

It's a huge milestone and OP is being exactly how I will be when my kids get to that age. A supportive/caring parent. A parent who is supporting her child and congratulating for getting to end of primary school and making it a special big deal that DD is going to secondary school now!

I dont think YABU at all. It is a special time so DH should be a bit more on the ball with it. Tell him he needs to cancel the plans or do something extra special for that weekend instead

There are some days that don't happen often. It's like a rite of passage that she'll remember

I really doubt it - who hand on heart catastrophising they remember the last day of primary school?

Dates / milestones to remember and/ or commemorate- birthdays, Christmas, Easter ( / other), first nativity play / school performances, parents’ evening

I have to add "right of passage" to the list with "chest of draws" I'm afraid. Look it up.

Clearly it means more to some parents than others but tbh I hope my DDs have children with men who are engaged with their kids school milestones and want to participate equally in them even if they can't

Ugh, ugh & ugh.

I would hope my loved ones have relationships/ close friendships with people who do not have such cloying over sentimentality

“Finishing primary school is not a right of passage,”

Well I have to disagree.

At our school, all parents were invited to a graduation evening which went on from 5pm until about 7 / 7.30pm. They had made movies with various photos taken of the kids since they were in reception and it was quite emotional, realising how much they’ve grown and how time has passed. Then they got every child (two classes of 20) up on the stage individually, and a teacher made a speech about each one - emphasising their talents, kindness - whatever it may be. There was a guest speaker from a senior school who gave a speech to them all about moving on. Then there were various cups awarded to some children - for drama, maths, various sports, French, art, literacy, academic, endeavour, resilience, outstanding progress, music, singing, ICT (I think that’s all of them)! But every child got a certificate and graduation mini- trophy and their achievements marked in front of everyone. They won’t forget that.

Then we all went to a gorgeous reception with champagne and canapés. All the kids had a disco and the girls had been planning what they’d be wearing for weeks beforehand. They all looked amazing. DD has her hair done at the hairdresser beforehand for the first time. She had got a cup which she was very proud to receive. All the teachers came. It was a brilliant atmosphere and we partied until 1am.

My DH couldn’t make the ceremony as he was in the Middle East, but he managed to get an earlier flight and came to the party straight from the airport for 10pm. I’m really glad he made the effort and DD definitely appreciated him making it. All the dads were there, pretty much.

Then on the actual last day, which was halfway through the following week, they finished at 12 and someone hosted a garden party. That was all mums though - I only counted one dad, but he didn’t mind.

I think there’s so much heavy stuff in life, so why not celebrate milestones if you can? Why not? This school has been massive part of DD lives (and mine) for 7 years! PlusI has others there before her. The kids had a whale of a time and we’ve known all these parents for years. The kids are all moving in to a whole range different senior schools following the 11 plus earlier this year. They’ve worked incredibly hard to get their places and they deserve to be celebrated!

“I have to add "right of passage" to the list with "chest of draws" I'm afraid. Look it up”

Er excuse me - it’s “Chester draws.”

Thanks everyone. The polarisation of views is interesting

Yes - between OP’s and everyone else’s!

If it was his first or last day in a new job I think he'd be miffed if we forgot and went out

Really? Why? YABU and precious.

Surely men don't appreciate that kind of emotional rubbish. If you need to be there OP go but don't drag him poor man.

My DH was insistent DD was due back the next day and I had to argue that it was that day. He's also not great at realising why things like that are important as his parents didn't really care about him that way. He would've easily done something like this but there would've been no malicious intent. Explain why it's important rather than getting cross.

I get the feeling you are looking for sticks to beat him with, it's not a big deal.

You sound a bit like a helicopter parent or at least one who is too involved (bored?). Good for you I guess if that’s what makes you happy.

You should however let your husband make his own decisions and certainly shouldn’t think for him and decide what should be important to him or not. Or what he should and shouldn’t remember.

He is his own person and doesn’t need to follow your idea of what good parenting is.
You say he agrees with you - are you sure? Or is he just trying to keep the piece because you’re a martyr?

If you finish a job after 7 years working with a team in the same place every day, do you just walk out waving cheerio? Or is there a gift, a card and leaving lunch/drinks/dinner?

Yes, with the people you work with, not your family.

I agree that last day at primary school is a big deal (at the time), but for the children, and it's about them enjoying the last day with the others that they have been at school with for 7 years, not the parents. I understand that for some parents it marks the end of a long relationship with a school, but it's not about them.

We have a leavers assembly in the morning, which almost all children have at least one parent attend (most taking time out of work for), which is very emotional and then the shirt signing, lots of the kids telling us they don't want to leave us, lots of hugging and then at the end of the day lots of them head off to the park together (without their parents).

“lots of them head off to the park together (without their parents).”

What at 10/11 years old? Are you sure about this?

@FineWordsForAPorcupine
I totally agree. Not only that, but if DH was in the forces or getting ready to go into the forces - you signed up for that when you married him so complaining now... I know of what I speak. I’ve been married to a man who was in the forces for 35 years.

Can't say anything that tops what Iamnotagoddess has said. We will be celebrating when a child learns to button up a shirt, tie laces, eat with a knife and fork next.

“What at 10/11 years old? Are you sure about this?”

Good grief. There’s nothing remotely contentious about this.

At my kids’ school the park visit had several parents there but not all kids did. Mainly to organise the food etc I believe and socialise together though. Kids do generally go to the park unaccompanied in y6 onwards.

My 2 DDs had a lovely leaving service, singing songs and reflecting on the past few years at school. Quite emotional because they were all going to different ‘big’ Schools, new friends and another chapter in life.
Try and enjoy it and savour that time with her. Don’t let DH’s night out spoil it.. he’s already planned it so let it be.
You sound like a lovely mum x

Wtf. No! It's her last day of term, not her birthday. And no, we don't make a fuss of first or last days at new jobs either. How ridiculous!

There is nothing wrong with 10/11 year olds going to the park without their parents Zaeem5.

I'm in my thirties but genuinely can't remember the last day of primary school. Or even the last day of high school.

The idea of it being a bigger day than a birthday is insane to me.

I don't think I'd want to make a huge deal of it to my DD when the time comes, it's overly daunting. All the talk of passages etc, just let them be kids and go with the flow. They've been alive 11/12 years and have a minimum of 5 years in education left ... I don't think it needs this much fanfare.

I ha r never seen or heard of 10/11 year olds hanging out in parks in their own. We are in London though.

DD just went to the local shop for the first time yesterday by herself. In Sept she’ll be walking to school and back, hopefully with a few others, although I’ll pick her up when it’s dark in Nov / Dec as Hammersmith can be volatile to say the least.

I just think parks are often very lonely places and a magnet for dodgy people and teens.