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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH should remember...

443 replies

leopardandspots · 11/07/2019 23:25

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

OP posts:
nauseous5000 · 12/07/2019 19:22

I'm feeling totally inadequate right now as regardless of anything else, in a single mum and have a difficult relationship with DDs dad so at best, if I can get time off work, she'll only have her mum at the crying parents parade for her last day of primary Hmm

Look, if this is really a thing, and you're clearly not 100% unreasonable because some agree with you, why wouldn't you talk to him and make your case and make DD make her own case if she cares as much as you do, but honestly I do despair that you'd rather post in a snakepit than just talk to your DH

SagAloojah · 12/07/2019 19:26

I thought it was a bigger deal than a birthday? You have 80+ birthdays but only 4 days or starting and finishing school, unless you move I guess.

Confused

Pretty sure I was just happy for summer holidays. Not a rite of passage. I remember first day of primary but not the last.

Biker47 · 12/07/2019 19:34

Chalk me up as another one who doesn't remember the last day of primary school, or junior school, or comprehensive, total non events.

Bellasblankexpression · 12/07/2019 20:17

If it was my dh’s last day at work we certainly wouldn’t be making a big deal out of it with everyone staying at home to mark the occasion.
Most likely he would be out with his work friends.

I remember my last day at primary. Mainly because I went to the cinema with all my friends - not a parent in sight! I would have been mortified if my parents had come to any of the celebrations.

I think previous posters are right and you are seeing this as more of a milestone. Unless of course as a family you stay home to mark every occasion together - unusual, but then it’s unfair that this one has been overlooked.
I definitely wouldn’t say it’s more important than birthdays - it’s a different kind of occasion.

llangennith · 12/07/2019 21:25

Maybe leopardsandspots wants him around to support her on what can be an emotional day for some parents.

Oh ffs🙄

GnomeDePlume · 13/07/2019 07:04

Not every first or last needs to have a big deal made out of it.

Many children are nervous about starting secondary school. Making a big deal out of finishing primary just feeds the nervousness. It adds to the unhappiness of leaving behind certainty and stepping into the unknown.

Not making a big deal out of leaving primary reassures children that this is a normal step on the way.

leopardandspots · 13/07/2019 08:40

Just wanted to thank everyone (well almost everyone) for their responses.

I've definitely learned a lot about how different families operate. There seems to be a very extensive spectrum. At one end some posters said they do not even know which day their child leaves primary school. Others said the parents (both?) were away on a cruise when their kids finished primary. At the other end of the spectrum there were families who try and make as many school events as they can,have traditions of celebration meal at the end of each school year not just Year 6. Some DC want parents there, some don't. Some DHs who are able to be there on the last day and who will have a tear in their eye.

For me, when work permits, I like to be at the being around end of the spectrum for as long as the DC want it. I agree with the posters who think moving on from people and places you've been around for seven years does deserve some kind of nod.

I think our primary school parent friends must be unusual as most of their DC are very happy to have the parents around (if work permits). At fairs and stuff the adults hang out together and the children do their own thing.

Having read this thread I can see and accept that DH is more towards the other end of the spectrum to me. It's not right, or wrong, just different. I still think he should have remembered when the day was and so does he. However remembering when the day is and choosing to be around are different. If he prefers to go out after work in town with his mate then ultimately it's his choice. In the same way it's his choice if he joins us over any part of the summer with our various camping trips and family visits etc.

On the single Mum point. I have vast experience of this with my now adult ones! I don't think both parents have to be around on the last day of primary school. I brought up one of mine with no Dad involvement at all- period. Families are all different.Some people understandably just can't be there as they are the sole breadwinner and have to work then.

But...If I'm bringing up a child together with some one (and I am with this last DD ) I'd prefer us both to remember a date a week or so away when primary school ends. I'm not particularly flaky and in need of support, as I've done the whole parenting thing on my own before.

I originally posted on here because whilst talking to DH about it I went to get a cup of tea and he fell asleep, which is why I posted. Even though its a snake-pit, I have learned loads.

And to those also with Year 6 DC hope they transition to secondary happily, settle in quickly and that they make loads of new lifelong friendships.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 13/07/2019 08:50

Jeez, I can barely remember my last day of primary. When you mentioned signing shirts etc that did bring some memories back.I definitely didn't care or think about my parents. It was my primary school, my friends, my finish milestone.
I don't think it's a big deal..

leopardandspots · 13/07/2019 09:25

Yes obviously you don't remember much about it from an adult perspective. That doesn't mean it is significant to some children at the time.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 13/07/2019 09:35

Yes but that's what I am saying. For me it would have been but not for parents..

Whisky2014 · 13/07/2019 09:37

And you also mention about jobs first and last days. Again this is weird to me. I'd get a card to say congrats or whatever "first job" blah blah but that's it. No fuss made on last day.. why would there be?

leopardandspots · 13/07/2019 09:50

The analogy was not about making fuss. It was about remembering that a significant event in a family member's life was imminent.

Would an adult be slightly miffed that their partner didn't remember that today was the day he or she left a full time job they'd been in and talked about for 7 years. Some would care that their partner forgot, some wouldn't.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 13/07/2019 09:55

I see.

yourekillingmeman · 13/07/2019 13:58

This is hilarious. Entitled needy adult creating even more needy entitled child. Hmm

SkaTastic · 13/07/2019 15:12

What @Iamnotagoddess said with bells on. Ridiculous carry on.

BackforGood · 13/07/2019 15:19

Fair play to you leopardandspots for that last long post. Smile

Ated · 13/07/2019 15:41

In my day it was infants up to 7yrs, Juniors to 11 yrs and Secondary until you could leave. After that, it was night school, technical college, college, Uni (if you had brains), apprenticeship or a job.No stupid proms, nights out, parties or trips to McDonald's. What is the matter with people today?

Hebdenbridge · 13/07/2019 15:48

leopardandspots it was a big deal for me, when dcs finished primary school. The kids were emotional and so were parents (can't remember what we did, it was long ago) . I totally understand where you are coming from. Your DH could go out any night, with his mates couldn't he. I don't think it takes a genius to empathise with your POV TBH, I think people on here are just being dicks, really

Percypigparade · 13/07/2019 16:02

This is hilarious. Entitled needy adult creating even more needy entitled child
Or, entitled needy adult adult expecting a co-parent to behave as one creating even more needy child child who knows she means more to her dad than the pub, and who is not left out when her mates have their parents there.

Lulu98 · 13/07/2019 16:09

I was lucky if I remembered when they broke up or when they started after Sunmer Holidays.

Hebdenbridge · 13/07/2019 16:23

Exactly percypigparade

You're so cool lulu98, I bet OP aspires to be just like you

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 13/07/2019 16:29

Does anyone remember the puzzled thread about the needy and clingy parents who HAD to hold their kids hands to go to UNi and how they could simply not let go?

Well, they start young.

exaltedwombat · 13/07/2019 17:37

If it was his first day in a new job, he might feel obliged to go for a drink with his new collegues. Can't see how it's a family occasion?

poppy54321 · 13/07/2019 17:38

I agree with what verybookish said. Also a good family think about each other and celebrate the things that matter to them together. And that is all there is to it. It's not up to others to say what is important to your children, how could they possibly know? But parents make it their business to know. My DH would be like yours OP and I wouldn't be annoyed, but it's a little sad to pay no attention to your kids lives and diaries.

MumWifeMe · 13/07/2019 17:41

My DH was away with work for the week when DD finished primary school so she invited some friends over for pizza and a sleepover. I let them have the whole of downstairs for the night and I stayed upstairs. It is definitely something she’ll remember plus I think she had more fun with her friends than she would have with us.

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