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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should remember...

443 replies

leopardandspots · 11/07/2019 23:25

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

OP posts:
Zaeem5 · 13/07/2019 20:48

Also, I think this thread is a classic example of the MN phenomenon of “competitive disinterested parenting.” You see it quite often on here -

On any thread about breakfast - “How would I know whether my 5 year old had breakfast fgs! I’m in the shower. The coco pops are there if he wants them. I’m not a maid.,,”

Or on any thread about school trips - “No I’m not giving him £5 for the bloody trip. He’s 7. He should have foreseen he would be going on this trip months ago and saved some of his Xmas money. That’ll teach him budgeting...”

Also, I do wonder if most people have actually rtft?

The OP is not a snowflake. She’s been a single mum for many years and is used to doing / remembering / juggling things on her own.

She was not expecting the DH to do anything spectacular. She just would maybe have liked him to remember or mention it. That’s all.

Give me strength!

Mummyandpsycho · 13/07/2019 20:58

My daughter finished primary seven a few weeks ago, IT WAS a HUGE DEAL especially to her. Yeah may not be a big deal to some of you people on here but it's a big deal to the kids and end of a huge part of their life. I made sure my husband had the afternoon booked off work and for various events in the weeks leading up to it. But I wouldn't have minded if he had went out that evening, we spent the afternoon as a family then dd went out with friends

likeafishneedsabike · 13/07/2019 21:21

Primary school lasts for seven years. Secondary only lasts for seven years if you stay on in school for A Levels. It’s a big deal!

Franklymydearidontgiveaham · 13/07/2019 21:24

I'm in my 40's.....I still remember my last day of primary school, it was scary and daunting. I was going to a different school to most of my friends and we wouldn't be able to play button moon or swing on the monkey bars anymore. Actually looking back I would have liked it to have been acknowledged more and comfort given. Instead it was treated like a normal school day. New attitudes are not always a bad thing for everyone.

HeadintheiClouds · 13/07/2019 21:30

All mine went to the local park with supersoakers... It genuinely wouldn’t have occurred to dh to take the afternoon off to go and watch Confused
I only went to bring our contribution to the picnic, not because it was an unmissable event.

Mothership4two · 13/07/2019 21:41

@Iamnotagoddess

Exactly.

My DH is also in the Forces but coming out next year. We have two DS. With that kind of thinking, what should we have done, not have children or should he have left a job he trained for/enjoyed/was good at?

It's not easy, but some people only get to see their kids for a few days a week or at weekends, some work long hours or commute and only have weekends and some send their kids to boarding schools. Life isnt perfect, but it is what it is and you do your best.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 13/07/2019 21:42

I just think parks are often very lonely places and a magnet for dodgy people and teens.

At 3.30 pm on a weekday? The park along the road from school usually has quite a few parents there with their children after school and the year 6s just go to hang out with each other for a couple of hours on the last day. A lot of them walk home on their own now, and almost all will be getting themselves to secondary school.

lynfordthecrab · 13/07/2019 21:48

@Iamnotagoddess agree with you 100%

Hebdenbridge · 13/07/2019 22:20

Zaeem5 totally agree and also 🤣😂

lazylinguist · 13/07/2019 22:29

I am not a disinterested parent, but I don't get it tbh. What is the dh actually supposed to do about this momentous occasion?

My ds finishes primary school on Friday. I will go to his leavers' service, then the bbq before school ends at 1:30. Dh will be at work. He might later ask ds how his last day was. Dh being busy for the afternoon or evening would have literally no impact on ds' finishing primary school. I can attend because I happen not to be working that day. If I were working, I wouldn't be able to go either (we are both teachers). It's a fairly big day for the kids, but not one that parents necessarily need to be massively involved in.

Percypigparade · 13/07/2019 23:03

So if your dh was off, like you, it wouldn't be a decent idea for him to attend the leavers' ceremony and the bbq with you? Confused

lazylinguist · 13/07/2019 23:09

No I'm not sure there would be any need for both of us to be there tbh.

Percypigparade · 13/07/2019 23:21

So why should it be you who goes?

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 13/07/2019 23:26

That's silly... Surely there's the whole summer holidays to talk about finishing primary school/starting secondary? It's not just one day.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 13/07/2019 23:31

She does not need TWO parents supervising her at a picnic and disco that are meant for her & her friends.

Original poster
leopardandspots · 13/07/2019 23:40

What is the dh actually supposed to do?

Remember she was leaving and when- that's all ! Just remember it.

OP posts:
gymraes · 13/07/2019 23:47

Not there for the last day of primary school...?? My DH wasn't there for the birth....(he was downstairs)

Lovely13 · 13/07/2019 23:49

It’s about the kids to say goodbye to each other. Big step for them. It’s not about you. Great if you’re there to say goodbye to parents. But really, if your husband has other plans, it’s not a big deal.

Percypigparade · 13/07/2019 23:50

Well unless he was at the pub and forgot it was your due date, that's hardly comparable is it?

Original poster
leopardandspots · 13/07/2019 23:50

Wrt Zaeem's posts we are just over the river - I agree that London parks are very variable for 11 year olds to hang about in. We have a local loony in ours who beats his dog with a chain. This summer DD has started going to the park with friends to buy ice creams but doesn't loiter for too long.She knows to avoid the loony.

Maybe the extent of the Year 6 celebrations (which wasn't really why I posted) is a bit more ott in London and bigger cities - not sure why that would be though ?
.

OP posts:
Original poster
leopardandspots · 13/07/2019 23:52

Well unless he was at the pub and forgot it was your due date, that's hardly comparable is it?

Grin
OP posts:
Janus · 13/07/2019 23:55

Zaeem5, I’m sorry but I’m going to guess you are private school? That itinerary sounds exhausting! Blooming graduation evenings for hours with movies and more leaving assemblies and champagne and canapés?
Most of us (state school!) get a leavers party for about 2 hours, children only, that they go to and love a day or so before they leave.
The last day consists of throwing them out the gates, some crying, some nonplussed, parent/s feel a bit emotional, we all take photos (mums!) for about 10 minutes and we all go home! It honestly wouldn’t cross my mind for my husband to take the afternoon off work to witness that!

Percypigparade · 14/07/2019 00:24

Janus, the OP's dh doesn't need to take the afternoon off work, he just needs to take an afternoon off the pub.
Do you know why it's all "mums" taking the photos at your school?

Janus · 14/07/2019 01:12

Because school finishes at 3pm so most dads would have to take the afternoon off to get there for 3pm??
Honestly, if my husband was off he’d come, I wouldn’t feel bad if he had to work though, I wouldn’t make him feel guilty if he couldn’t be there, same as if I were a working mum and my husband could make it, he wouldn’t make me feel guilty.

MyOtherProfile · 14/07/2019 03:49

She’s been a single mum for many years and is used to doing / remembering / juggling things on her own.

Hang on a minute. I missed this and I thought I had read all the ops posts in the thread. So is dh the dad of dd? Is it his daughter "graduating" from primary?

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