To think DH should remember...

[leopardandspots]

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

We all love our kids but different people put different values on different things.
All kids are different some want you at these kind of things whilst other thrive on the indipendance and feel grown up and would't want you in a mile of the school.
It's personal theres no right and wrong answer.
my favourite memory of mine was 1st day at high school no fuss what so ever but I have a picture I took of him out the window walking down the rd . Blazer he'd grow into pants slightly too long and rucksack half the size of him on his back looking really small.

You weren't asking AIBU at all. What you really wanted to do was show how much of a martyr you are and how unthinking and cruel your DH is for going to the pub on your child's last day of primary school. Your drip feeds are getting more and more ridiculous. I see no sign of a halo yet but keep on remembering insignificant stuff like this for your own and other people's children for long enough and one may start to appear.

Totally agree about the 'manufactured melodrama'. A group of certain types determined to whip up a frenzy of playground sobbing.

I don't remember my last day of primary either. Or secondary.

Except for the majority of the thread people didn't even know it was the forgetting of the date that you were even talking about. Most people answered your OP about him going out, not about the forgotten date which you mentioned much later.

I am often taken aback at the lack of comprehension on MN but this one is funny. The title of the OP has the word "remember" in it. She literally asks "AIBU to think DH should remember dd's seven years of primary end on Tuesday" in the first sentence of her OP but apparently most people didn't realise she was talking about the forgotten date. how bizarre.

For all those saying the last day of primary school is a day to celebrate, I ask genuinely what it has to do with you? It's your child's school life, their friends, their teachers, their experiences, their shirt signings and parties with their people who they might not see again. They might be excited for it but it will be reasons that absolutely do not involve you. Graduation is meant to celebrate your final achievements with your proud parents. Tears and drama around the last day of primary is just centring yourself in your child's life at a time where you don't belong.

TBH when DS left primary school last year we parents just took the kids to the park, had a coffee and let them play then took them home.

Because some of them were so upset about leaving their old friends, starting secondary school (for some of them they were the only ones going to that particular school), that we left it very low key.

The mums went out for a pub night the Saturday afterwards to say goodbye to each other and that was it.

I think meals out, big celebrations are great but you also have to go with what your DC is like - some of this year's group are very nervous about going to secondary school. I saw the family liaison officer from the primary school out in the street the other day and she was saying she's seeing quite a few kids at the moment because they are extremely nervous. Making a big deal about it with those kids could be counterproductive.

So YANBU in your own case but YABU in some children's cases.

Plus, of course, some parents can't change shifts (medical people, factory workers, those who work away on all sorts of jobs) so it has to be played down a bit.

I am often taken aback at the lack of comprehension on MN but this one is funny. The title of the OP has the word "remember" in it. She literally asks "AIBU to think DH should remember dd's seven years of primary end on Tuesday" in the first sentence of her OP but apparently most people didn't realise she was talking about the forgotten date. how bizarre.

Probably because the actual OP was about him going out with his mate. So you may think my comprehension is lacking, but OP put the emphasis on the going out. Not so bizarre.

Don't forget that for some children is not a milestone

For them, neither is walking, crawling or talking but parents still mark it, note it etc.

If turning your back on people and places you've been around for seven years doesn't deserve some kind of nod, that's a weird life to live.

"If turning your back on people and places you've been around for seven years doesn't deserve some kind of nod, that's a weird life to live."

Agree @Yabbers

People seem to think it's all or nothing. There are no proms here, just a wee gathering in a local community centre after school (supported by the local youth club) with some games and music. It's not elaborate, we're not creating entitled princesses/princes and they have a lovely time. I just can't imagine not marking this in some way

We've had leaving nights for staff who've been here less than a year!

We have only had one child leave primary so far.

Both DH and I were working full time.

I took the time off to be there because I wanted to be there. DH didn't because he was less bothered.
DS seemed less bothered than most of his friends and less bothered than me.

I think you have made it into something way bigger than it needs to be.
Perhaps your DD does think it's a huge deal. But I can quite understand why your DH does not.

I think he should have remembered it was her last day of school. My husband would remember that. He will probably be at the gate, trying not to cry as well.

Ok so he didn't remember, now you have reminded him, is he still going out?

Maybe leopardsandspots wants him around to support her on what can be an emotional day for some parents. They will shortly be tweens and only talking to you when they want money or a lift (sorry leopardsandspots, this probably isn't helping)

Anyway, it IS a big deal to some people, and it's a shame your DH isn't sharing that with you. There's really no need to make some of the comments that are on here.

We've had leaving nights for staff who've been here less than a year!

Yes my previous employer was like that, it was a nice place to be.

Graduation day from university is a right of passage, not leaving primary school.

Any ceremony or event marking a change from one stage of life to another is a rite of passage.

You're right Percey, but not all are worthy of having a family celebration.

I don’t see why he can not do both. Surely at that age DD is in bed by 8 and he can go out afterwards?

What 11 year old goes to bed at 8 in the summer holidays?

Well mushroom given I have no idea if my dc will go to university I will celebrate with them in the here and now, and not wait for what might not come. "Worthy of a family celebration" ffs - it's not like we're celebrating them taking a dump, they are leaving the first 7 years of education behind.

And that's for them to celebrate Percy, facilitated by parents of course. But being upset a parent isn't available to join in the celebration is ridiculous.

Parents here take the afternoon off work. There is a big celebration up at the school and then families spend the evening together .

He is available, Mushroom, he's not at work. He's just chosen not to participate.

I know I'm drip feeding but due to older family members etc we will be away without him most of the summer so he has at least 30+ days to go to the pub.

TBH after all this fcking palaver I am surprised that you are taking them away for so long - is he not going to miss the joy and memories of a lovely summer spent together ?

🙄

I was thinking about the future for my DCs. I hope they and any partners would know the date that their children leave on their last day of primary (even if they couldn't be around due to work).

Still not getting why. I've had 3 leave Primary (and 3 leave secondary, come to that). As long as one parent knows when the CMer needs to stop - or, in many cases, when the holiday care needs to start - ,then I still don't see why the other does, particularly.
There is no way, in most families where parents work, that parents can be at every event the school puts on (plus Cubs, or football matches or swimming galas or dance shows etc etc etc). It is very normal to 'tag team'. If dh is taking one of mine to camp then I don't hold in my mind the details of that specific day, as dh 'has it'. If I am taking another to a football match, then dh doesn't need to know the details, because I am covering it.

Same with school. I didn't take them on their first days of Primary, because I was working ironically as a teacher so had no freedom to 'go in late' or 'book the day off. It wasn't an issue as my dc have 2 parents and dh, at the time, could arrange to go in late. By the time they left Primary, I was working PT and was able to go to Leavers assembly etc, but dh wasn't. No issue - someone was there for them. I have no recollection of how they made their way out on the last day though, as it just wasn't "a thing" for any of them, or for us.

I agree with theStuffedPenguin that it does seem really bizarre that him not seeing her on one evening is a big issue for you, when you are then taking her away for 30 days without seemingly expecting any trauma.

Amazed at some of the responses.

For what it’s worth,OP, I would be annoyed as well.

I don’t know the backstory but this is the behaviour of someone who is a ‘passenger’ in family life and who leaves the mental load to his wife. Not cool.