A generation waiting to inherit

[Okaydoklay]

With house prices being so high, are we creating a generation of people who home ownership is out of their grasp, and those who have wealthier parents , they are all waiting for their parents to pass to ever be able to afford their own home.

mayborn and oliversmummy, absolutely and I didn’t mean to confuse. Delirium and dementia are 2 entirely different conditions. Delirium can make dementia worse. I’m talking about people who are in long term institutions because of their dementia which renders them incapable of functioning in any independent capacity- wear pads because they are incontinent, require washing and dressing and feeding, some are bed bound and they recognise no-one and are incapable of any coherent communication and have been in this state for some considerable time with no hope of improvement. I honestly struggle to understand why anyone would want to keep a relative alive (by treating the multiple infections that beset these people) in that state. It is completely different from delirium which is an acute alteration from normal mental state and for which there is a reversible cause which absolutely should be treated.

Agh to whoever said care homes 🏠

I really hope that’s not for me and at least my DC get my little 2 up 2 down

Sorry rainbows - your post was very clear and gives me a lot to think of (I have a parent with late stage dementia). I was worried that oliversmumsarmy was confusing the issues since as you say they are totally separate. Anyway back to inheritance!

@Rainbowsintherain - "Occasionally I have a family who ask me not to treat an infection in a relative with dementia, and I breath a huge sigh of relief. The family understands that the general trajectory of quality of life is a downward one and don’t want to see their relative (and themselves by proxy) suffer indefinitely. "

This is the discussion I try to have with my sibling. If I ever raise the option that maybe we should stop treating my DMs endless UTI and getting invasive investigations as to why she gets so many, I am accused of being heartless and uncaring. It's not that; it's that I see my mum is fading away and would rather enjoy the time she has left at home, rather than being whisked off to hospital every week for an investigation or treatment. He seems to think there is something we or the NHS is doing wrong, and if only we could find a solution; I see that my mum (she is 93) is coming to the end of her life, and should be given a little dignity and choice as she does so.
Sorry for further derail!

My mother has dementia which has become increasingly advanced and she has also had a series of infections. My sister and I feel it is distressing to her to be shipped off to hospital (where, she receives good care, I add, for which I am grateful). The journey, sojourn, treatment and series of unfamiliar faces affect her negatively and cause as much emotional setback as she gains from the physical alleviation of her symptoms.

We have nothing financially to gain from keeping her quietly in her residential home as she is fully funded by the state - so we are not trying to hasten any inheritance through refusing hospital intervention. We just feel it is better for mum's overall wellbeing.

I wonder whether it is, in large measure, the guilt of surviving relatives to prolong lives which cannot be much improved by constant hospital and other interventions.

I know that in such a case i would rather go peacefully and have told my DH and DC such.

I agree there is no point in prolonging life in some cases, such as advanced dementia or terminal illness that causes great pain. It's not the same as actively killing them which I don't agree with but a kind way of letting nature take its course. As long as the patient is made comfortable.

Penelopeschat Sun 14-Jul-19 05:53:10
I know a few people who think like this, ages 40-50. In both cases while not incurring debt they all live very nice lives with lots of socializing and holidays and no priorities for saving. All have a far higher than typical household income and have. Itching to show for it. Talk about how they can’t afford houses, it’s not fair, meanwhile people on 1/3 of their income have saved for years for a down payment; they just can’t seem to wrap their head around the fact that’s how it was afforded. In all of the friends I’m thinking of, parents are very well off. One did ask parents for all her inheritance early, parents declined, caused a rift from my friend to her Mum (friend cross Mum said no) and then Mum very suddenly died. All will inherit big time upon parents deaths and have the ability to buy substantial mortgage free homes. But hey forget sometimes care needed near the end of life = ££££££!

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Presumably they can sell or let their house to fund care.

@Teacher22 - and in fact hospital stays for the elderly cause them to deteriorate further (evidence shows) , so although the stay in hospital might 'cure' one thing, it makes the overall condition, mental and physical health of the elderly patient worse, each time they are admitted. I can't bear to see my mum go through this, but sadly my sibling doesn't agree. (My mum just says less and less every day, as she has lost the ability to make decisions, and lost her autonomy as far as her care is concerned.

I agree there is no point in prolonging life in some cases, such as advanced dementia or terminal illness that causes great pain
Until euthanasia is legalised, death can be a lengthy painful process, it is like constantly blocking small leaks with medications until they can't stop anymore, it is very sad, it is tough on the family, prolonging pain for their loved one.
My parents never inheritated, they own their home and have an insurance policy, I will inherit from them eventually, I am not waiting on it and will hopefully keep my parents for longer.
When I do it'll be lots of money to me around 40,0000, not enough to buy a home, I'll put 10,000 each in trust for my DC to hopefully help their futures.

If you are concerned that your inheritance from parent is likely to disappear in care home fees you could always look after your parents yourself and protect your inheritance.

I’m in my late 50s as are most of my friends so we are at the stage of having paid off or nearly paid off our own mortgages.
Several of us have inherited money over the last 10 years and without exception we have passed it to our own children for house purchases. Surely most parents would do this if they could afford it?
It’s also interesting that none of my generation ever got any help with house purchases but us baby boomers are considered the selfish ones.

Rachelover40

My Dmil is in a home the fees are £1200 per week.

Most people’s houses wouldn’t rent for that much.

Also because of dmils families longevity she could be in there for at least another 5 years. Even if she sold up the funds will run out before she does

Sorry to derail. for all those dealing with the terrible aging issues raised in this thread.
A poster on a previous thread directed me to the dignity in dying campaign, if anyone is interested in signing, to help change things for the future.
www.dignityindying.org.uk

If you are concerned that your inheritance from parent is likely to disappear in care home fees you could always look after your parents yourself and protect your inheritance.

If you RTFT you will see that some people have conditions, such as advanced dementia, that cannot be cared for adaquetely and safely at home. It is easy to tell reading this thread which posters have first hand experience of dementia and which don't. It is devastating and heartbreaking - and on the increase as we prolong life. It is my greatest fear, for me and the people I love.

Oliversmumsarmy, thanks for your post.

You'd have to own a house in Hampstead or Holland Park to be able to let it for upwards of £1,200 a week. Not many do.

I hope you don't mind me asking but what is wrong with your mother in law to necessitate her being in a home?

She has been diagnosed with Dementia Physically she is in good health. Her family all live extremely long lives. (Her dad was 98 when he passed).
She seemed to go down hill about 2 years ago. Drs say no one can tell how long it could take but 5 years has been mentioned

Poor soul, it is so sad when a person has dementia. It's very hard indeed for their family too. I hope she is at least comfortable and is well looked after.

You look after yourself too .

Technically the supposed generation waiting to inherit are those in their 20’s/maybe early 30’s. Their parents would have been children born in the 60’s. If that’s the case they’ll have a long wait, I was born in 64 and haven’t even started the menopause yet and could live another 35 years or more.

The only way we'd be able to afford a house is by a miracle or someone leaving us money.

My husband and I grew up and live in and expensive area (2 bed flat is just under £200,000 and rent for most 2 bed flats places here is around 900pcm). He's built his business here, it's where his clients are and moving hundred of miles away to somewhere like to North or Wales where its cheaper just isn't an option for us.

It is annoying but we just have to keep trying to save but we have our two girls and love them and if renting is what allows us to give them a roof over there heads then we like that. It's hard though when we see "affordable" housing being built nearby then find out straying prices are £300,000 - £500,000 and that those aged 60+ are buying houses with 4+ bedrooms becuase apparently they still need a bedroom each for their children.

My parents won't be able to leave us anything but they've also never given us things like cars. Always said we had to earn them ourselves.

My in laws are divorced, Mil owns her house, but that will probably be left to her husband who'll in turn leave it to his children. If Mil did leave it to someone else I doubt DH would get a look in as she cares more about sil and her son.

DH nan (98) is now in a home so that will use up her money.

I don't worry though. My neighbours growing up were old and one of them rented the house they lived in for most of their life, never bought. They said the money they saved they could give to their children and that they didn't have to fuss with selling a house when they were gone.

I hope that if I inherit from my mum, I will be able to give most of it to the kids as a deposit.
But in the meantime when they start saving up for a home we will be in a position to match their savings

I shan’t be getting any inheritance as I have a sibling who is dependant on adult care.
We are, however saving for a deposit for my son. He is not even 2 yet!

I am nearly 60 and Dp is in his 60s. We are moving to a larger house because we still have teenage children living with us

If I want to buy a mansion in my 60s or 70s I don’t know what it has to do with other people.

Dandelion1993 wouldn’t it be more financially astute to buy a 2 bed flat. I would think the mortgage would be much less than what you are paying in rent.

Could you move a little further out and travel into work each day.

My mother was poor and will leave my DS and I nothing.

I waited ten years before I could have children and worked full time (as did DH) to buy a house in which to start a family. I only had the two I could afford and I intend to leave my DC as much as I can when I die. It is what I have worked for.

My DS has had three DC and intends to leave them nothing but to SKI (spend the kids' inheritance) when she retires. When I asked her once about how she was going to help them pay their way through university (as I had paid £30,000 for my own children's accommodation fees), she laughed and said that student loans were going to do it.

I don't see why my children should be envied and regarded harshly because of my decision to take parental responsibility for their wellbing and future security. That's surely what families are for. If parents are selfish and irresponsible - or unable to fund their children's lives - then their children should take it up with them, not envy their peers and say life is unfair.

I could say it was unfair that my mother did not think of my DS and I when she was smoking and drinking the cost of a Lamborghini but I don't. It's just how things are.

I would advise everyone to make their own way in life and treat inheritances as a nice extra if they come. Not only do yhou gain financial independence but you also avoid embitterment and resentment and doing others a disservice by envying them for what isn't their fault.

You not yhou!

In a free society it is no one's business but a person's own as to how they spend their money.

Some folks go on endless holidays: some give their kids a house deposit.