To ask out the headmaster?

[brotown]

Ds has a week left in the school.
No idea if he's got a girlfriend
I dreamt about him and can't stop thinking about him.

Oh ffs, op knows it might not lead to anything, she’s not stupid. She’s prepared for a knock back but knows nothing ventured nothing gained. Good luck with whatever you do op

It does. It is exactly that. The GP does not have to be “handsome” either - nor the Headteacher is this case. It is about the complex feelings someone may have for an authority figure who is kind and appears to care for them.

The doctor/patient one is classic. But other authority figures like teachers or priests, for example, may also figure:

”What is transference? It is defined as "the set of expectations, beliefs, and emotional responses that a patient brings to the doctor-patient relationship." Transference does not necessarily reflect who a doctor is or how a doctor acts in reality. Rather, it reflects experiences a patient may have had with other important authority figures in his life.”

Above to @ralfeesmum.

So no-one allowed to fancy someone in authority or start a relationship with them?

Transference. FFS I've heard it all now!!

She hasn't been in a patient-doctor/therapist relationship with the flipping guy. She's met him a few times, thought I fancy a bit of that after my kid leaves the school, maybe he'll be up for a drink with me, fuck it I'll give it a go. He just happens to be the headteacher of said school.

Exactly supercee

NoTheresa - spot on. It's a doomed fantasy straight from a Barbara Cartland novel, sadly.

How do you know that? You haven’t met either of the people concerned. Talk about negative

I hope you do send him a message, OP! I am a teacher who has been asked out my parents a few times over the years. It isn’t mortifying or inappropriate or anything like that. I’ve just said no thanks, felt flattered and gone on about my day. Just like an other adult in this situation!

Really hope she’s just finishing a lazy lunch, after a great night, and has snog rash.

There's no harm at all in writing in a card that you would like to keep in touch i'm sure you could phrase it so its not too pushy. Maybe try for friendship initially and see where it leads there's no rush. Good luck.

Saw this thread was 21 pages long and thought Oh it'll be a happy ending thread.
Christ I got that wrong, poor OP for having to read some of the bollocks on here.

Christ I got that wrong, poor OP for having to read some of the bollocks on here

Yes, particularly from some of the pom pom waving place markers, some of their advice has been nothing short of crazy.

WTF X2. Some weird and unpleasant posters in this thread and Im not talking about the OP!

It's perfectly ok to agree or disagree with the OP but why do some posters have to be so sly and unkind about it. I can only presume their intention is to try and upset the OP. It's sad and pathetic.

OP. I'm another one that thinks a note is a good idea. I suspect the likelihood of anything happening as a result of the note is fairly low but I can't see anything wrong with doing it. I wouldn't even find it embarrassing if nothing happens. I don't see why quietly letting someone know you might be interested in them is a bad thing.

I'm sorry you were sad at your sons school event. I hope things slowly improve for you.

Nothingcomesforfree That’s just sexist. Are we to never ask a man out because if he fancied us he would ask.. that’s just stupid. Some men are shy and don’t ask someone out and have in fact, been the one to be asked. I asked my partner out. It’s been over six years now and we have two children.

And in a situation like this the head teacher maybe wouldn’t ask a parent or ex parent out. No reason at all why the parent shouldn’t though. Woman or man doesn’t make any difference

Spot on, Theresa, very MN, too, 'Oh, it'll be lurve!' And snog rash and crap like that. Very classic transference with a whole fantasy built round it by others.

Ffs the majority of posters are just saying nothing ventured nothing gained, which is true. The truth is no one knows what will happen but what’s the point in saying it’s transference if will end badly. Its sucking the joy out of opportunity and of life

I think you should go for it op! Nothing ventured nothing gained! You more than anyone knows that life is short xx

They’re just pointing out that although op seems very taken with the ht, she is (no offence intended to op) just one of the however many (200, 500, more?) parents at the school gates. They haven’t shared any “moments”, he’s friendly and approachable to everyone and hasn’t singled her out in any way.
If she wouldn’t be gutted by a refusal she should go for it, but she’s already explained why she feels particularly vulnerable at the moment so it’s not that clear cut.

I really do not understand how this tread has deteriorated into a weird argument. If you are still there OP I am sorry.

I think you should organise a small end of term drinks party. Make it clear it’s for adults and invite him and the other staff who have worked with your son. Frame it as a way of saying thank you to them if you want. Say he could bring significant other/plus one. This way, you have opened the door in a relaxed environment where other colleagues are going to be.

And see this as the practice/ warm up act/ dummy run for the next man if it doesn’t work out. You want to take it easy.

(Says woman who is asking for similar advice on another thread)

Did you write in his card? I hope it works out for you!