AIBU to ask new school to move DS to a different class away from the biter

[PetrichorRain]

DS is going to reception class in the local infants school in September. It's quite a big school with 3 forms of entry. He's been to his transition morning today and when we picked him up, he'd been bitten. He told us that the child who'd bitten him (I'll call him Luke) was going to be in his class next year. Luke used to be at DS's nursery and preschool and bit DS all the bloody time. We were very patient as we knew the staff were doing their best to work with Luke and his parents, but Luke's parents apparently were reluctant to engage or to seek any kind of medical investigations, and eventually they were asked to remove Luke. Luke then went to another preschool and the biting of DS stopped (although I heard in the grapevine he was biting children there). But now he's obviously in the same reception class as DS, and on their first morning together, DS has already been bitten. Would I be unreasonable to make an appointment with the headmistress and ask for DS to be put in one of the other reception classes? Are they likely to agree to move him? I can't deal with 7 years of DS being bitten by Luke. I do feel bad for Luke and his parents as it looks like he may have done additional needs but I'm very tired of my son being hurt. Unfortunately we live in a small market town with no other primary schools so we can't try to move DS to another school.

I have decided to wage a war of attrition if they won't move him, I.e. Request a meeting with the headmistress every single time Luke bites DS. Is that unreasonable?

Yep I would. He had history and he is clearly still biting.

Sorry, I should have added more paragraphs! Hope that's not unreadable. I've added some below:

DS is going to reception class in the local infants school in September. It's quite a big school with 3 forms of entry. He's been to his transition morning today and when we picked him up, he'd been bitten. He told us that the child who'd bitten him (I'll call him Luke) was going to be in his class next year.

Luke used to be at DS's nursery and preschool and bit DS all the bloody time. We were very patient as we knew the staff were doing their best to work with Luke and his parents, but Luke's parents apparently were reluctant to engage or to seek any kind of medical investigations, and eventually they were asked to remove Luke. Luke then went to another preschool and the biting of DS stopped (although I heard in the grapevine he was biting children there). But now he's obviously in the same reception class as DS, and on their first morning together, DS has already been bitten.

Would I be unreasonable to make an appointment with the headmistress and ask for DS to be put in one of the other reception classes? Are they likely to agree to move him? I can't deal with 7 years of DS being bitten by Luke. I do feel bad for Luke and his parents as it looks like he may have done additional needs but I'm very tired of my son being hurt. Unfortunately we live in a small market town with no other primary schools so we can't try to move DS to another school.

I have decided to wage a war of attrition if they won't move him, I.e. Request a meeting with the headmistress every single time Luke bites DS. Is that unreasonable?

YANBU in my

I think in the circumstances YANBU to meet the head and request this. You can't force her to do it though.

Oops... opinion. You've had a fair time of it so it's not coming from nowhere and your DC shouldn't suffer.

The boy doing the biting is likely to grow out of it this school year. It would be bizarre if he’s still biting by the end of Reception, I’d imagine.
So if I was in your shoes, I’d only move him if he had nothing else to lose e.g. established friendships. I’d also consider whether or not I wanted the fuss of the school contact about the situation.

YANBU. They’ve had plenty of time to sort old bitey mcbiteface and clearly haven’t done it yet. Imagine going into school every day to someone biting you.

It's not unreasonable at all to ask that they put him in one of the other classes. When DS was in nursery there was a little girl who he simply did not get along with and the feeling was mutual, they couldn't even sit at the same table without getting into a squabbling match. When the Reception places came through I made an appointment with the headteacher, explained my case, and asked that DS be put into a different Reception class to this girl (they have two classes). Headteacher agreed this was possible to do.

YANBU to do all you can to help your DS’s transition to school be as smooth as possible. If the child is still biting at 4, with previous interventions it does sound like he has additional needs, and I hope he gets effective help, but why should your DA suffer again.

I would but if you do your "war of attrition " you will very quickly become that parent

Thanks all! Good to know I'm not being unreasonable to ask.

Drip feed alert - he has 3 good friends at preschool and they are all in Pear class next year, but he is in Hawthorn class (actually with a friend who lives in our street). There's also Oak class - in which he knows no-one. I'd ideally want him in Pear class but I don't think I could ask for that - I don't know which is wirse, the prospect of him going to Oak class where he'll know no-one or staying in Hawthorn class with his mate from next door plus the baby shark?!

I would definitely meet with the HT.

You would be unreasonable to request a move to a specific class, that’s not how it works.

I would but if you do your "war of attrition " you will very quickly become that parent

"That parent" is normally the parent who makes a big fuss about nothing. The OP wouldn't be doing that, as recurring biting is not a small issue.
I think you're right OP, either this child's issues haven't been sorted or the kids struggle to move past their previous history. I would request a move.

Stressedout10 I know. I don't want to be THAT parent but neither do I was DS to come home with bite marks every week!

You could address your concerns to the school, stating your son is very distressed as there is history with the boy. Ultimately, it’s the schools job to manage his behaviour to keep the child from harming others.

Unless you can show that your son is being specifically targeted by this child, they are unlikely to move him. From their POV, all the children are equally important and your son is no different from the other children that will have to be in a class with a Luke.

I wouldn't go in and ask to be moved, you'll only give the impression of being a pain in the arse parent who thinks their child is more important than everyone else's, but you should do in and say that you're worried about the situation and explain the problems you had at nursery so that they know you are aware of a problem and will kick up a fuss if neccesary.

And actually they grow a lot more socially when not put in their friendship group. Certainly don't request the friends class!

I don’t know if you can ask to move classes, but it would be worth approaching the school and bringing it up as a safeguarding issue. Your DS ( and every other child) has a right to be kept safe in the classroom - including from other pupils. The school therefore need to put procedures in place to prevent ‘Luke’ from biting anyone.

I had to use this argument when my DD was attacked by another child in the first few weeks of reception. We found it very effective to approach it from this perscpective as schools have a legal obligation to ensure safeguarding. In our case the school put robust measures in place until the other child had learnt how to behave at school (and would have been longer term if the behaviour was caused by additional needs). I did have to insist that these measures didn’t infringe on my DD’s freedom etc ( that she was not kept off the playground so as to not be at risk from him - it took a couple of meetings for things to be properly organised.)

That is shocking, OP.

You could maybe word it as you would be happy for your son to be the child moved and drop it into the conversation that he has friends in pear class. Some parents would be pushing for the other child to be moved so the head may be pleased there is an easy solution.

It isn’t as simple as just moving a child though!

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to raise your concerns about the fact he has been bitten on the transition day, and even to mention the history of him biting your son before. However you would be unreasonable to expect classes to be changed.

Just ask if there are any spaces in either of the other classes first? Then, if there is space in pear, make your request.

That’s really bad. Though be warned schools often extremely reluctant to move a child into another class as if they say yes to one everyone will want to change and change about and chaos will ensue!

Did school advice you to see a doctor? Kids bites are worse than dogs. If not why not?