AIBU to ask new school to move DS to a different class away from the biter

[PetrichorRain]

DS is going to reception class in the local infants school in September. It's quite a big school with 3 forms of entry. He's been to his transition morning today and when we picked him up, he'd been bitten. He told us that the child who'd bitten him (I'll call him Luke) was going to be in his class next year. Luke used to be at DS's nursery and preschool and bit DS all the bloody time. We were very patient as we knew the staff were doing their best to work with Luke and his parents, but Luke's parents apparently were reluctant to engage or to seek any kind of medical investigations, and eventually they were asked to remove Luke. Luke then went to another preschool and the biting of DS stopped (although I heard in the grapevine he was biting children there). But now he's obviously in the same reception class as DS, and on their first morning together, DS has already been bitten. Would I be unreasonable to make an appointment with the headmistress and ask for DS to be put in one of the other reception classes? Are they likely to agree to move him? I can't deal with 7 years of DS being bitten by Luke. I do feel bad for Luke and his parents as it looks like he may have done additional needs but I'm very tired of my son being hurt. Unfortunately we live in a small market town with no other primary schools so we can't try to move DS to another school.

I have decided to wage a war of attrition if they won't move him, I.e. Request a meeting with the headmistress every single time Luke bites DS. Is that unreasonable?

What a great update. Well handled OP, and the school sounds lovely.

I think this is a good example of 4 year olds having their own version of events, just because they are still so little. They rarely lie, but all the same, it often needs some detective work to figure out what actually happened.

Yes, I think I can safely say my DS is an unreliable narrator! So glad I didn't go in all guns blazing, it would have been very embarrassing.

Pleased it’s all worked out! Also it’s probably the best outcome that it wasn’t luke and hes at another school.

Hopefully it’s just a kid that got carried away and it’s a one off

We were actually so relieved when we found out it couldn't be Luke! Poor DS though. He must appear particularly toothsome to other children.

Transition sessions are much more fraught than day to day life for anxious / sensory seeking children though. I wouldn't panic quite yet.

Biting is a very emotive behaviour that tends to lead to actions being taken. No one will expect your son to just put up with it. If it does happen again please do report it, every single time.

@Ambydex, that's pretty much what the Head said! Including about reporting it if it happens again. She noted some of the hcildren wouldn't have been to nursery or even a childminder so it could be very overwhelming for them.

Just a thought but could your son have done it to himself and then thought he might get in trouble so said Luke as that's who he associates it biting with.

I was looking at the angle of the bite and ot looks like a difficult place for another child to get too

Is there any chance your son bit himself?

Really well handled OP.
I wish we could pin threads like these in school topics as an example of how to raise concerns in a polite and constructive way.

Well. It did cross my mind! To my knowledge, he's never botten himslef before, and I wouldn't think it was for attention as he didn't go to the staff or mention it to us until we spotted the bite and asked. The teeth marks were very clear and didn't match his bite exactly - but to be honest, the thing that most made us think it probably wasn't him was that the marks were still faintly visible more than 24 hours later and I'm not sure a four year old could bite himself so hard as to leave such a longlasting mark. I did actually say to the Head that we'd wondered if he'd done it himself, and she said they thought that very unlikely... but who knows, really?!

Poor Luke.

@Jboure, I have every sympathy for Luke and Luke's parents, and I hope he's either grown out of it or now getting the additional support that his parents refused. But I'm still happy that he's not going to be in the same school/class, continuing to bite my son, after 3 years of bites at nursery. I'd be a pretty rubbish mother if my own son's health and well-being wasn't my primary concern.

Poor kiddo! Not a good start, is it?
Yanbu. Good luck on gett ing it sorted!

As Luke has been at a different nursery for a bit I can see how your son could have forgotten what he ĺooked like and then assumed the child biting him must be Luke. Your poor son must have juicy looking arms! I'm glad the head seems like she's taking it seriously

@PonderingPanda, btw the feet in the second shot are mine, not his. It was his forearm that was bitten, so it's not impossible he could have done it himself, or another child could have, if DS was reaching for something in front of the other child's mouth. I did ask him, and he said he hadn't done it, but then he would say that!

I think all you can do at this stage is keep an open mind about it - as you are doing.

It would have to be a hard bite for the marks still to be there which we wouldn't want to inflict on ourselves.

My son had a bald patch in his hair in yr1. I had visions of bullying and alopecia.... then he told me he did it himself.... the teacher overreacted worse then me though!

My ds was a baby shark in yr r. Nothing like 'Luke' though. He had issues in nursery but never biting more a threat to the teachers etc.
Then really struggled at the start of yr r. Going from 2 days to 5 in a new environment with 30 kids. Tiredness etc. Im sure the school were not supervising very well and i expect things like fights over toys.
So the first 5m were pretty horrific. There did generally seem to be an issue with 1-2 other children so going into yr 1 they were separated and ds was largely fine.
Unsurprisingly it has impacted friendships and im sure (for other reasons) there is some adhd or even asd going on.
Even at 7 he bit younger ds just recently. We take it Incredibly seriously.
School were very keen to resolve issues however were not prepared to specifically supervise or allow ds to stay inside at breaks to keep apart. Insisted on punishments that had no effect.
I think school probably is a trigger for 'bad behaviour' as the ratios are much worse

@Helix1244, that sounds really hard, for you and your little boy. School must be a bit of a shock to the system for a lot of children!

It sounds as though OP has ruled it out, but for info my DS was once accused of a bite the accuser gave to himself, in Y1. Poor DS took his punishment in great bewilderment; he kept repeating he hadn’t done it, and when it all came out (via confession) there was a bit of a hoo-ha. The other boy’s DM was so upset by it, poor thing 😢 The teachers weren’t at great pains to hide their concern and shock at the deception.

I can't decide if I'd rather it were him or someone else! If it were him, at least no other child is targeting him (and no-one got in trouble for it). But on the other hand, I'd obviously be unhappy that he's bitten himself then lied about it! I suspect, unless it happens again in front of someone, or he confesses, we'll never know for sure.