My boyfriend's mother told me to shut up. AIBU to be very upset?

[camelliavi]

I met my new partner's mother for the first time today. I'm a nervous and shy person and so I tend to go into small talk (as most do!). When she came into the house I asked her if she wanted a tea or coffee, made her a coffee and sat down with my partner on the sofa with her. I made some small talk with her, started telling her a story I thought she'd be interested in given what I knew about her and she said to me "I'm sure you have lots of other stories to tell, but I don't want to hear them". I would never be so bloody rude! He did stand up for me and I made my excuses (about bus timetables and needing to get going) and went home. He walked me back to the station and apologised then we chatted for a while longer. AIBU to be so, so, so annoyed with this woman? I don't think so

What is your supposedly decent BF planning on doing about this?
Is he actually going to set some boundaries in his own house?
Like taking the key back/changing the locks seeing as she thinks she can just walk in whenever she chooses?
Is eh going to be upfront and tell his houseguests to treat his GF with respect?

You were absolutely not overstepping the mark in any way by offering her a cup of tea - this is the classic gaslighting done by narcs to make you think you did something wrong or deserved that treatment.

I'm in full agreement with SandAndSea here. Quit while you're ahead.

Is he actually going to set some boundaries in his own house?
Like taking the key back/changing the locks seeing as she thinks she can just walk in whenever she chooses?

At six weeks max into the relationship the OP isn't in a great place to start dictating his arrangements with his family without waving some big red flags of her own. She could tell him she won't go to his house if they might get interrupted, that's about it really.

You’ve been together six weeks and already at the stage where you and his mother dislike each other. I’d walk away.

To be fair, she probably didn't know he had a girlfriend, pops over, to find a girl with her feet under the table and a place in the bed who then proceeds to brag about her grandfather. After 6 weeks together.

I'd raise an eyebrow myself if one of my children brought home an insufferable bore but probably would say 'That's naice' ala Mrs Brown.

Why didn't you just stay quiet upstairs until she had left?

There is just no excuse for her behaviour, stupid fucking mind games over coffee or whatever else

Bloody hell, people put that much consideration into a cup of coffee?

After 6 weeks of being with someone, I'd consider it relatively normal to put the kettle on in their house, and it's the ideal opportunity to leg it into the kitchen so partner can have a word about her showing up unannounced/say hello properly, rather than sitting twiddling your thumbs and feeling awkward while your boyfriend goes to make them and leaves you both alone. Even if you didn't think it was normal surely you'd appreciate the situation was awkward/unexpected and forgive a minor faux pas. I don't think sitting next to your new partner when you meet the parents is odd either. If anything I'd think it was the normal set up?

Op has already said that the mother knew her name so 'didn't know he had a girlfriend' isn't quite right, although she may have been surprised at her being there. Either way that's no excuse for her being so insufferably rude.

Agreed that the arrangement doesn't exactly scream LC though...

I'd raise an eyebrow myself if one of my children brought home an insufferable bore

Are you implying OP is an insufferable bore?

Are you sure he didn't say he was the opposite of low contact with his mother? They're only 1 step from actually living together!

Don't get too attached to this man. As pp said I bet his mother is a reason in his previous breakups.

Eh, why would parents give a shit who makes the tea/coffee, it isn't like OP barged in her house, shagged her son in her bed then asked if she takes sugar ffs.

OP she was rude, and if thats the vibe she is giving off because you know how to use a kettle then it won't get much better.

I would have been really angry if my mother had spoken to my boyfriend like that. YANBU

Motoko? Hahahaha

Oh sorry not you motoko! I'm tired

NoSauce I am worried she did (not an excuse for her behaviour). I'll try not to overthink it and steer clear of her if next time doesn't go well or if she doesn't apologise and proceed with caution. After talking to his mother he told me a little lie (embarrassment maybe) and told me she thought I was lovely but quite quiet last night. Do not appreciate the lie but I can see him trying to save my feelings with that

So not a partner then? But a new boyfriend?

Zucker, I feel horrible to think it but I would say so if this is how she is!

Lostinnorfolk, I see them as the same thing but different wording

I love DH dearly, but if his mother still behaved they way she did for the first few years of our relationship, we would not still be married.

She still has a key to our front door despite my objections but she lives far away enough to not be able to pop in when she feels like it. Also, she doesn't call 7-8 times a day to find out what we're doing. She's an emotional blackmailer but she doesn't pull that shit with me anymore, it only affects DH. I've told him countless times to stand up to her, but he won't. She's made noises about moving nearer in future, at which point, he will have to choose if he still wants to be married to me. Had l known what she would be like, seen the warning signs, l probably would have walked away.

I do know he spoke to his mother as I was in the house. I asked him last night if she had mentioned me again yesterday evening

Don't really understand why some posters are trying to justify rudeness with the fact that OP might have been talking bollocks and/or she dared offer a drink to his mother when not in her own house.

Mother was rude. Of that there is no doubt. There are no mitigating circumstances IMO and the only thing that would make me get over it is if she apologised at next meeting and made some excuse about how she was really distracted by some bad news, that's why she came early etc.

But I have to say, overbearing rude mother that has a key to his house doesn't scream 'catch' to me.

A thought has just popped in my head...I wonder if she comes round to do his washing and stuff? She's obviously very comfortable about letting herself in, like it's a regular occurrence.

Just a thought.

I haven’t read the full thread (don’t flame me!) but:-

1. your MBE Grandad (Wow that’s an achievement you must be really proud 😊), May have seen to her as ‘bragging’- I personally love stories like this, but know some people as soon as something like this is said, thinks they’re bragging, and they roll their eyes. Takes one, to know one.

2. I disagree that it’s low contact- if she has a key, and they live on the same road, that’s not LC.

3. She may have been pissed because she knew you were having sex- some people can be really funny about that, due to personal beliefs, age, culture etc.

4. How long ago did he split from his ex, and did his mum and her get along really well? (In other words she’s punishing you for being the new girl and taking her place)

5. Maybe she normally makes her own tea or coffee when she goes in, so you ‘offering’ her one, has put yourself into the ‘hostess’ role, in her sons home. My son is still at home, and has been with his gf for 5 years, if they moved in together I know I wouldn’t be offered tea, I’d be told ‘you know where the kettle is!’- as that the joke in our home. If they split up, he started seeing someone and I went over and was offered by the ‘new girlfriend’ tea, I would find it highly amusing, that said I wouldn’t be a bitch about it, but it wouldn’t be how we normally worked things. So maybe so felt you trod on some toes there.

After talking to his mother he told me a little lie (embarrassment maybe) and told me she thought I was lovely but quite quiet last night

More than likely she did actually say that. It's would be typical of a narcissist to tell you to hold your tongue and then complain to others that you are too quiet.

The bit about the cup of tea is hilarious. It's not like you walked into dms house and offered her a cuppa. A bit over the top.