My boyfriend's mother told me to shut up. AIBU to be very upset?

[camelliavi]

I met my new partner's mother for the first time today. I'm a nervous and shy person and so I tend to go into small talk (as most do!). When she came into the house I asked her if she wanted a tea or coffee, made her a coffee and sat down with my partner on the sofa with her. I made some small talk with her, started telling her a story I thought she'd be interested in given what I knew about her and she said to me "I'm sure you have lots of other stories to tell, but I don't want to hear them". I would never be so bloody rude! He did stand up for me and I made my excuses (about bus timetables and needing to get going) and went home. He walked me back to the station and apologised then we chatted for a while longer. AIBU to be so, so, so annoyed with this woman? I don't think so

100% narcissist. And that was her giving you your first test - 'can I treat her like shit?' and 'can I treat her like shit infront of my son without him saying anything?'

It's actually a good thing that she has outed herself early on. If it were me I'd be seriously considering whether or not this relationship is worth continuing, especially if it is early days.

But if you do, you gotta make it clear to your partner that you will not be spoken to like that and wish to have no further contact with this woman in future, no matter where your relationship goes. Which really, is a big thing for you to ask of a new person...that's why if it were me, i'd cut my losses and move on. But make it clear she was the reason why. At least then it might give him the motivation in future to go completely no contact.

LC shouldn't mean giving her a key. Surely she say your cars outside/the lights on. Didn't she knock?

On your side I'd re-think the relationship.

On hers I can see that the coffee thing and the name dropping got her name up.

Back up. No idea where the name thing came from!

I don't know anyone who's LC/VLC with a narcissistic parent who'd live down the street from them

Nope, I live across the country from mine and see her twice a year, maximum.

I genuinely don’t think there is any excuse for her rudeness, OP. She turned up early so it’s her own fault for interrupting you and even if you had been talking nineteen to the dozen, surely that’s normal when someone is nervous? Meeting a new partner’s parent(s) is a big deal and most people would just smile and let you chatter (even though it doesn’t sound like you were!)

Well she sounds an absolute delight doesn't she? Don't be upset though OP, you did nothing wrong and neither did your b/f-there's a reason he's LC. Next time be as rude as her and don't even bother to make conversation with the miserable cow.

He might say he's LC but his version of that includes living in the same street as her!

And, she has a key.

And, she lets herself in whenever it suits her. (To the extent that he's not free to be with another woman in his own home.)

And, she ignores normal adult boundaries.

This is a nightmare waiting to happen.

Please don't do it to yourself. Step away.

No woman will be good enough for her son (in her head I mean). She has a key to his house (which in itself is fine, my mom and dad do to ours), but letting herself in should be stripped of her rights to use it. It is not for that reason she has the key. It should be for emergencies. How on earth has your bf managed a private life all these years with her letting herself in!

Your bf sounds lovely. Don’t judge him by her standards.

Buy a chain for the door and get into the habit of using it every time you enter the house.

When I read something like this, I genuinely wish it had happened to me. I can imagine so many responses and none of them involve me leaving feeling awkward.

Alas, I don't know any horribly rude people....But you definitely do OP.

So what are you going to do about it? If you stay in this relationship, you've got 2 options. You can either face her head-on and directly challenge her or continue to be bullied.

Oh! That's just all sorts of awkward.
OP, you're just going to have to let this one slide. She interrupted you mid-shag (not your fault) and to be honest, I'd like to think most people would just shrug their shoulders and assume human beings have sex and it's totally normal. But obviously, she got weirded out and didn't handle the conversation well after that.

Wipe the slate. Start again on steady footing.

Have a meal together. And make it about getting to know one another. You may find she'll be a bit more settled.

Wipe the slate. Start again on steady footing. Have a meal together. And make it about getting to know one another. You may find she'll be a bit more settled.

Good grief, seriously do NOT do this! There is no excuse for the way she spoke to you, a normal person would NEVER speak to anyone like that. If you wipe the slate and start over, her sort will see you as a WEAK target. Anyone that knows a narcissist, knows this.

Even if she took offence at you making her a coffee AND your story was rambling/boring/nonsensical/couldn’t-get-a-word-in there’s no excuse for her to be so rude, the normal thing to do would be to think to herself I’m not sure I like her, I’ll try to avoid popping over when she’s there.

I’d consider her dead to you and move on with your life and relationship never to encounter her again! Such unnecessary rudeness! What a bitch.

The only way the slate could be wiped even slightly clean is if she rang you or left a card/flowers whole heartedly apologising.

Even if you were babbling away and boring the pants off her the polite thing to do would've been to nod along with you and then, when you went out of the room, say "bloody hell son, she can talk, can't she!" There is no other way to interpret her words as anything other than complete rudeness. He should've pulled her up on it massively as soon as she said it.

You say ‘new partner’, OP. How long have you been together?

I agree with everyone who echoed this comment,
perhaps she felt you were 'marking your territory' by making the coffee, i.e. hosting in her son's house
Wonder if she arrived earlier than arranged on purpose.
She would have found a way to be rude, anecdote or no anecdote!
Only you know if he's worth this.

How long ago did he split with his ex? Did the ex live there?

Come to think of it, maybe she was annoyed to hear that your grandad had met the queen..... she’s green eyed!
That’s why she made that comment about “your stories” she probably mistook you for a show off!
She doesn’t like the fact her DS is slipping from her controlling grips.

Disputedchair we aren't together very long. A month and a half or so

Not sure how long ago they split- they were together 8 years. They lived in a different house together

I'm worried about the narcissist/low contact situation too- it's just been going so lovely and he seems to be a very nice guy so far so I'm proceeding with caution. I've had experience with a narcissist in the past

He's lying to you OP.

LC is not living on the same street as someone, them having a key to your house and popping in there when their house is being cleaned!

That most certainly is not LC.

He's lying to you already.

Move on. This path you are on is a highway to a life of misery.

I would absolutely bet on it that she is a rude headcase.

He will definitely not stand up for you.

She will be a demon towards you.

No man is worth that grief.

VenusTiger, that might be part of it! That obviously wasn't my intention at all but wasn't thinking as clearly

It isn't his fault if his mum is like this though. Maybe he is trying to go LC more and she is a nightmare. He could get new keys cut...how old are you both? I would tread carefully

No, it's got nothing to do with being jealous of your granddad!

This type of mother, is a well known "type", which is why we all seem to have crystal balls. We just know how it will play out with her, because it's happened to countless others before.

You've only been seeing him for 6 weeks, so early enough to ditch him with just a little sigh of sadness. It will be much harder if you wait until you've been together longer, and dumping him will leave a massive hole in your life.

It isn't his fault if his mum is like this though.

Yes and no. He didn't have to move into a house in the same street or give her a key. Having done both of those things, he could have changed the lock or fitted a chain, but he hasn't. When his mum turned up, he could have told her it was a bad time and asked her to come back later, but he didn't. When his mum was appallingly rude, he could have stopped the conversation there and then and asked his mum to leave, but he didn't do that either.

When a man's words and actions are saying different things, believe what he does, not what he says.