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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend's mother told me to shut up. AIBU to be very upset?

150 replies

camelliavi · 09/07/2019 17:48

I met my new partner's mother for the first time today. I'm a nervous and shy person and so I tend to go into small talk (as most do!). When she came into the house I asked her if she wanted a tea or coffee, made her a coffee and sat down with my partner on the sofa with her. I made some small talk with her, started telling her a story I thought she'd be interested in given what I knew about her and she said to me "I'm sure you have lots of other stories to tell, but I don't want to hear them". I would never be so bloody rude! He did stand up for me and I made my excuses (about bus timetables and needing to get going) and went home. He walked me back to the station and apologised then we chatted for a while longer. AIBU to be so, so, so annoyed with this woman? I don't think so

OP posts:
Beesandcheese · 09/07/2019 18:48

Thar is weird if she realised she was interrupting she might have been wrong footed but a gentle anecdote would surely help with akwardness. Hopefully she will learn that sticking to agreed times is for the bestGrin

Original poster
camelliavi · 09/07/2019 18:48

Davespecifico sorry just seeing your post now Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
camelliavi · 09/07/2019 18:49

Titsywoo, wasn't it just!

OP posts:
Motoko · 09/07/2019 18:50

Cross posted with you.

Why does she have a key to his place, if he's LC with her?

This sounds like a nightmare. She's already walked in on you two having sexy times! If she even gets a hint that you'll be visiting, she'll be round like a shot. That's why she was early today. And why does she need to go to his when her house is being cleaned? Does she always do that, or was today different? (ie, she knew you were going to be there.)

31RueCambon · 09/07/2019 18:51

Is it possible you were talking absolute nonsense nineteen to the dozen with a nervous laugh?

If so, then just wipe the slate clean I think.

If you see her again just act like she is the mother of somebody you don't really like or dislike. Be civil with a sort of pleasant expression,

Cherrysoup · 09/07/2019 18:54

We were interrupted while upstairs and had to get dressed fast and come downstairs.

Did she have a key to get in? Cos if not, you’re not obliged to answer the door, it’s not a summons. Did your bf leap up to open the door? That would wave a red flag for me.

dontdoxmeeither · 09/07/2019 18:54

Rumbled mid shag!

I jest, still no reason to be so bloody rude to you.

Motoko · 09/07/2019 18:57

Even if OP was talking 9 to the dozen, she (MIL) could have said nothing at all, or said something in a nice way.

No, she's just a bitch, and wants OP to know it. She's one of those mothers, who wants to always be the important woman in her son's life, so will do whatever she can, to scare them off.

Thump · 09/07/2019 18:57

Is she a humble sort who didn't care for you name dropping the Queen/Bruce Forsyth and your grandpa's MBE?

Thump · 09/07/2019 18:59

I ask because I was dating a guy and his family all thought I was 'up myself' because of my family. So they treated me like shit! To take me down a peg or two I suppose.

ExtraFox19 · 09/07/2019 19:04

Don’t get involved.

pinkdelight · 09/07/2019 19:04

Oh god that's a very different situation to an intentional meeting the mother and her being rude. So she didn't expect you to be there, interrupted you shagging, you come down and offer coffee, chit-chat, and it's all super awks. Not saying she was right to react how she did but just as you're socially awkward it's understandable she could be too in that situation.

CoraPirbright · 09/07/2019 19:04

Goodness what a rude bitch!! I would meet her one more time just to confirm this (I mean, who knows what is going on in her head!) and then go NC with her. Your boyfriend is already LC so that shouldn’t be too tricky.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/07/2019 19:05

I suspect she 'accidently' came early to catch you out, and have you both on the wrong foot... it doesn't get any better OP voice of bitter experience

Chamomileteaplease · 09/07/2019 19:06

Sounds like he is right to be LC with her.

WombOfOnesOwn · 09/07/2019 19:08

I suspect he's minimizing the amount of contact he talks to you about having with her. Dear mum is likely to have scared off more than her share of previous girlfriends. She has a key to his place and he lives down the street. I don't know anyone who's LC/VLC with a narcissistic parent who'd live down the street from them. Even if it meant moving to a tiny flat or a run-down neighborhood because it's what they could afford.

You need to have a real think on why he's told you he has little contact with his mother. What does he define as "low contact"? Maybe he says that because she thinks he "never calls, he never comes over" because they only visit weekly. Find out before you get more serious what the real situation is.

pinkdelight · 09/07/2019 19:08

Is there any chance its her ds she's disapproving of - that she's met several of his girlfriends and has reason to think it's not worth forming an attachment?

sonjadog · 09/07/2019 19:10

No matter what the Op said or did, nothing merits that outstandingly rude response. I think what you do next depends on how your boyfriend tackles this. Is he going to accept that you don't want contact with his mother? At least you know not to bother making any effort with her in future.

TroubleWithNargles · 09/07/2019 19:11

He needs to either get the key to his house back off her, or change the locks.

diddl · 09/07/2019 19:11

Well she might have seen the offering of drinks overstepping as it's not your house.

That said, it's not hers either!

I think that my Mil saw my husband's house as "hers" more than mine as she had a key and her and Fil had been going for some years and doing housework/gardening.

Got the key back when I moved in.

It was handed over with a tearful "I won't be needing this anymore will I?" Hmm

Well no, but no need for the sobbing-he's not going to out of your life forever!

BarryBarryTaylor · 09/07/2019 19:16

Sounds like a case of you not being good enough for her precious (only) son.
You are never going to win here OP. Either your partner needs to stand up for you and tell his mother how rude she is, or I would just leave.
What an awful thing to say to someone!

Ayemama · 09/07/2019 19:19

You need to stop making excuses, all this possibly over stepping the mark and talking too much isn't important even if it's true. There's no excuse for talking to someone like that.
It's good that your BF stood up for you, it shows promise and if you like everything else then just keep going with the relationship and see how it goes.
I do think you need to be ready to defend yourself against her should she be rude again to you as she may just be hoping you roll over and take it if bf isn't there in the future.

harveywallplanner · 09/07/2019 19:22

While what she said was rude she didn’t actually tell you to “shut up”.
Maybe she found it rude that you were meeting her for the first time and you weren’t even organised or dressed for her coming?
What was your reply to her when she said it?

ChuckleBuckles · 09/07/2019 19:23

Run away very fast OP, he is spinning you a line about being "low contact" with her, she has a key to his house and they live on the same street, that is not LC.

She also likely showed up an hour early to wrong foot you, she had already decided that you are not good enough for her boy before she ever met you. She is marking her territory as clearly as if she was peeing on your leg, run away it never gets better.

And unless your story to her was about that time you and your mum got gang banged by the local rugby team there was no need for her to be so rude and dismissive.

KickAssAngel · 09/07/2019 19:24

She turned up an hour early? Could she have know that you were there?

Sorry, but it sounds like she was deliberately rude. Also - does she come over every time her house is cleaned? Weekly? That's not low contact.

Proceed with caution.

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