My boyfriend's mother told me to shut up. AIBU to be very upset?

[camelliavi]

I met my new partner's mother for the first time today. I'm a nervous and shy person and so I tend to go into small talk (as most do!). When she came into the house I asked her if she wanted a tea or coffee, made her a coffee and sat down with my partner on the sofa with her. I made some small talk with her, started telling her a story I thought she'd be interested in given what I knew about her and she said to me "I'm sure you have lots of other stories to tell, but I don't want to hear them". I would never be so bloody rude! He did stand up for me and I made my excuses (about bus timetables and needing to get going) and went home. He walked me back to the station and apologised then we chatted for a while longer. AIBU to be so, so, so annoyed with this woman? I don't think so

She's rude! It's a red herring about the hot drink making, is it really that bad someone a drink?! Is it really that bad sharing a story with her?! Proceed with caution. She sounds hard work and it's not clear as yet if your boyfriend stands up to her sufficiently. Why did she turn up 1 hour early and why does she have a key if they are lc?!

I also agree actions speak louder than words

Wow, so much angst over someone you’ve been seeing for 6 weeks.

I'd bet good money the last relationship ended precisely BECAUSE of his mother and the likely last straw was his insisting on living in a house on the same street as this nightmare!

6 weeks Ish is very early on to be meeting parents but even so she was incredibly and deliberately rude.

You claim he stood up for you but I can't see where you describe him actually calling her out on it? Saying she should apologise to you? Has he done either?

Unless you get a genuine full apology from her and she treats you much better at your next meeting I'd say cut your losses.

Honestly he sounds a mummy's boy who is unlikely to make a good partner/father anyway.

"When a man's words and actions are saying different things, believe what he does, not what he says" yep!

Six weeks in and you’re offering her a drink in her own sons house?

The drink offering is a red herring. It might raise an eyebrow in some situations but that's all. It's no excuse for such rudeness.

She caught you mid bonk?

Not an excuse to be rude, Id be pretty taken aback too. Next time (if there is a next time) she catches you in flagrante... just dont get dressed before coming down, she wont try coming round uninvited again

Some people are just rude. Its up to you if you like him enough to overlook his mother.

I might be dense but I don't understand why OP offering and making a drink was so out of order, certainly not enough to put 'MIL' "on a war footing". OP was obviously just trying to oil the wheels of an awkward social encounter,

She was outstandingly rude and was trying to belittle and humiliate you. YANBU to be super annoyed and to give your next steps in this relationship careful consideration.

Sorry for the mistyped comma instead of a full stop. I'm a grammar pedant and I've irritated myself there

FFS. I would end this now. It has nightmare written all over it.

She was rude and I can understand why you're upset. There's no excuse to be so rude.

That said, it sounds like you were being a chatterbox and some people (me) hate I secessionist chat. Don't feel you have to fill silences with chatter, next time let the conversation flow naturally

I don't get why offering a drink would be a problem either...shows the OP she has good manners!

You sound like a lovely person from your first post and updates!

Ignore all the people who say it is because you offered a drink. I mean it is madness - even if it were weird, which it is not - does not justify being this rude!

Well, you made her a coffee which is basically the same as doing a shit in her handbag, so what do you expect?

On a serious note, there was no excuse for her rudeness. I would be watching this situation very carefully. If he doesn't start putting in proper boundaries with his mother RIGHT NOW then I'd walk away. You've only been together 6 weeks, you don't need to put up with this shit. Just imagine how you'd life would be if you ended up marrying this man and she became your MIL. I sympathetically shuddered for you at the thought!

As the story has unfolded it's actually quite a lot different from the original impression given that this was a planned social visit and he's your partner.

What actually happened is that you were round at a new boyfriend's place and his mother interrupted you shagging unexpectedly. You then assumed the role of host in his house by offering and making coffee and then sat next to him on the sofa making small talk, again adopting the 'host' position. She might not even have known you exist, or you might be one of a succession, who knows. I can see why she was taken aback and irritated but nevertheless she was outrageously rude.

^ Why would she be taken aback or irritated. Her son is obviously a grown man living in his own house and she turned up unannounced, what does she expect.

OP I think it was nice of you to offer a drink and do small talk. It shows manners especially because she turned up to a house you were already in.

She was rude.

She sounds like my friends mum who has a brother who lives on the same street as their mum. (So obvs not the same as not an only child). She would hate the over familiar chit chat and you playing hostess and can be very cutting and cold. It’s like she has to drive a wedge between her children and their partners. A seething jealousy almost. Grow a thick skin fast and avoid her as much as possible.

First time DP met my (narcissistic) mother, mother called her a slut, riddled with STDs and a whore. Wish I was joking.

Why would she be taken aback or irritated. Her son is obviously a grown man living in his own house and she turned up unannounced, what does she expect.

By offering a cup of tea or coffee and then sitting next to the boyfriend on the sofa she was giving quite clear territorial signals. It's not her house, she hardly knows the bloke, she was a guest in his house. Yes he's a grown man living in his own house who chooses to give his mother a key. Their arrangements are really none of the OPs business at this stage. If his mother turned up unexpectedly I'd have said to the boyfriend, I'll jump in the shower while you sort it out, with the expectation that he'd tell her not now mother. If she'd hung around I'd have come down and said hello to her and any chance of a coffee to him. Social ineptitude on all sides imho.

I did say she was outrageously rude. That was inexcusable and a red flag.

Lc but:

Lives on same street
She has a key
She lets herself in whenever she feels like.

The fact he’s an only child too means the future with this guy could be extremely difficult.

Maybe she heard you on the job OP
I don’t think there’s anything particularly awful about you offering a cup of tea tbh. It’s no big deal. She sounds like an oddball that’s for sure. I would see how the next meet up goes and if she’s still the same I would refuse to see her again.

NaturalBornWoman OP was trying to be friendly though, the mother was being a cow. She’s the one that needs to learn social skills.

YANBU she sounds very rude

I mean...say you stay with him and it progresses too marriage or kids one day. Would you actually want this woman at your wedding? And you obviously can't let her near your kids if she is a narcissist (which, all evidence suggests because there is no excuse for the way she spoke to you) but she doesn't seem like the sort of person that would staty away without a fight. And your bf clearly is cool with her just coming round whenever so I doubt he would put his foot down and tell her to sod off.

If you aren't looking for anything serious with the guy fine. But if you think you might be in future...sorry but staying with a man who is still in contact (and apparently rather accommodating) with his narcissist mother will mean a world of hurt.

I also think that when we have had them in our past, it can sometimes make us more vulnerable to them.