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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My boyfriend's mother told me to shut up. AIBU to be very upset?

150 replies

camelliavi · 09/07/2019 17:48

I met my new partner's mother for the first time today. I'm a nervous and shy person and so I tend to go into small talk (as most do!). When she came into the house I asked her if she wanted a tea or coffee, made her a coffee and sat down with my partner on the sofa with her. I made some small talk with her, started telling her a story I thought she'd be interested in given what I knew about her and she said to me "I'm sure you have lots of other stories to tell, but I don't want to hear them". I would never be so bloody rude! He did stand up for me and I made my excuses (about bus timetables and needing to get going) and went home. He walked me back to the station and apologised then we chatted for a while longer. AIBU to be so, so, so annoyed with this woman? I don't think so

OP posts:

Topseyt · 09/07/2019 18:24

She sounds very rude. I would probably be wary of going back for quite a long time.

TroubleWithNargles · 09/07/2019 18:25

Just that really. How incredibly rude of her.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 09/07/2019 18:27

I can't stand people like this! Ignorant and rude and foul. You could quite legitimately refuse to be in the same room as her ever again.

CacenCrunch · 09/07/2019 18:27

I don't blame you for being upset, her comment was totally unnecessary and rude

katewhinesalot · 09/07/2019 18:27

He'd better be worth it.

BlueJava · 09/07/2019 18:28

YANBU that's very rude indeed! I have to say it doesn't bode well and she could be a real problem in your relationship. Before getting further involved I'd have to think if he's worth it!

Butchyrestingface · 09/07/2019 18:30

When she came into the house I asked her if she wanted a tea or coffee, made her a coffee and sat down with my partner on the sofa with her.

This leapt out at me. My guess is she was on a war footing from this point on.

Boysey45 · 09/07/2019 18:30

I'd just cut my losses and dump the boyfriend. Lifes too short and you don't want another how many more years of this. She wont change, shes very confident to be a bitch like this straight away.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/07/2019 18:32

What a petty unkind and rude person she must be. You need to find out from your BF if this is standard behaviour, if it has happened before with other girlfriends and what he thinks about it.

NameChangeNugget · 09/07/2019 18:33

I’d like to hear her side of the story however, from your OP, she sounds bloody rude

Littlechocola · 09/07/2019 18:33

What was your story about?

Davespecifico · 09/07/2019 18:41

This sounds very bizarre. If, in a worst case situation, you were exceptionally long winded and boring, it would take an exceptionally rude and callous person (or someone without social skills) to point it out, especially on first meeting.

bluebeck · 09/07/2019 18:41

Rude bitch.

What does boyf say about it?

Original poster

camelliavi · 09/07/2019 18:43

He didn’t say it’s normal for her to behave like that (I’m sure it is...) but apparently has very low contact with her. He has talked about her being smothering before. She seems like a narcissist parent to me- they live on the same street in different houses. Not sure if that is because of an aging parent. He did apologise and when I insisted to him when we left that she doesn’t like me and that I was upset he apologised profusely and insisted that he hoped I was alright, not to worry and he’d speak to her. That will remain to be seen. if we stay together and ever reach that point I won’t live on the same street as her if this is what’s to come if I stay with him long term. Slicedpineapple I totally agree. It seems she is usually like this judging by what he’s told me about her. I was in my boyfriends house- she has a spare key and was coming over while her house was cleaned- this wasn’t an intentional meeting yet (apparently she knew about my name- she knew it) and she was an hour early. We were interrupted while upstairs and had to get dressed fast and come downstairs. I felt guilty that she was in the house and while I can see in retrospect why me offering coffee or tea could have been seen as overbearing the space now I asked her out of politeness and some embarrassment! Still doesn’t excuse her rude behaviour. I can see the obvious thing she might think and was trying to prevent that too. In all honesty I spoke quite a lot more than usual out of embarrassment and trying to redeem myself out of my own shyness as well as politeness. But yes we all could get a word in. Her comment was completely unnecessary- the conversation got to Bruce Forsyth and i told her what I thought was interesting- my grandpa met the queen for an MBE at the same time Bruce was there for an award. That’s what got the rude response. I want to find out more from him and proceed carefully but her rudeness really has somewhat ruined my evening.

OP posts:

Motoko · 09/07/2019 18:43

I agree with pps about rethinking this relationship. You just have to read the regular MIL threads on here to see what your future will be like if you stay with him and he doesn't stick up for you, EVERY TIME!

Beware getting fobbed off with "Oh, it's just the way she is", as that shows he won't stick up for you, and will expect you to ignore it.

I know you said he did stand up for you, but will he always? You've said it's a new relationship, so he may have done it because he was worried it would scare you off, but once he feels more secure with you, he might not be so willing.

Original poster

camelliavi · 09/07/2019 18:44

He is an only child if that helps...

OP posts:

Davespecifico · 09/07/2019 18:44

Also - which house were you at because you made the coffee (implying you were at home), then you went home. Or were you at his house?

billy1966 · 09/07/2019 18:44

Gosh, so unnecessarily rude.

@Blitheringheights....sums it up.

Think hard OP.

Awful stress to have bad in-laws.

I definitely wouldn't skirt around the issue. Absolutely no point. His Mother is very rude. You need to name it.

If you don't, it clearly is OK with you to be spoken to like that.

I wouldn't be meeting her again.

She's shown you what she's like.

francescadrake · 09/07/2019 18:45

She sounds very rude. I hope your boyfriend really told her she was out of order.

Original poster

camelliavi · 09/07/2019 18:45

Motoko this is my worry too. He is lovely in every other way so far and we enjoy each other's company. I have problematic parents too but they aren't like this at all which is partly why I'm trying not to discriminate it all against him too much

OP posts:

31RueCambon · 09/07/2019 18:46

Detach from caring.

If you ever cross paths again, thank her, internally. Maybe even tell her with a genuine smile if you can muster it. ''I feel freed up from trying to be nice to you!''. But don't go out of your way to sink to her level. Just be you. Do what you do.

Davespecifico · 09/07/2019 18:46

Ignore my last message. Your last post clarifies my question.

MyOpinionIsValid · 09/07/2019 18:46

ooh

We were interrupted while upstairs and had to get dressed fast and come downstairs

not the best first meeting

Titsywoo · 09/07/2019 18:47

She caught you shagging? Awkward!

Original poster

camelliavi · 09/07/2019 18:48

Davespecifico I was at his house. She was meant to be visiting later and arrived early. We were upstairs and I made the hot drinks out of politeness and trying to redeem myself/naturally a helper/ embarrassment. I see now how it could have seemed like me overstepping the mark

OP posts:

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