Annoyed with how OH behaved around my friend.

[Snookerwidow93]

I have a friend who is a beautiful lady, gorgeous figure and very attractive.

She comes round maybe once a fortnight for a cuppa and a catch up etc.

OH knows her dad well as they’re both in the same line of work so they’ll often have a natter about things whilst I’m out of the room.

I’ve noticed recently that when I’m in the room he’ll make a lot of sexual innuendos. For example, last week, my friend announced that she was moving house and that she wanted to re home her cat. She asked if we’d like it and my eyes lit up. OH then said ‘only if I get a blow job.’ Now this is something he’d usually say jokily to me in private but he looked over at my friend after he’d said it gauging her reaction. Like he’d said it for her benefit more than mine.

Today as I was leaving the house with said friend, he gave me a kiss and then grabbed my bum but looked over at my friend to see her reaction. I don’t get it. I’m pretty sure he’s attracted to her but why behave like that? It’s sleezy and disrespectful at best and down right degradation at worst.

He also seems to be very perceptive of her feelings- she’s been having a tough time with her MIL recently and she’ll openly chat to us both about it. He’ll sit and mention it after she’s gone and say how sorry he feels for her etc etc yet he’s never as perceptive of my feelings or as willing to listen.

It’s not the things he does when she’s around, it’s more the fact he does it then looks straight over to see her reaction, like he’s trying to impress her.

I will just mention that I gave birth to our second baby 6 weeks ago so perhaps I’m overly sensitive?

My friend has mentioned how he behaves before but just laughs it off. She’s noticed it though and he doesn’t behave like this around my other friends . .

I don’t think you’re being over-sensitive; it’s an odd way to behave.

He sounds really sleazy and disgusting

He has a thumping great crush on her.

Not in itself, a problem, you dont get blinkers once youre in a committed relationship and can view other people as attractive humans- but what he said about the blow job- way, waaaay out of line. Im surprised he has any testicles left. Thats not funny, its bloody disrespectful and gross.

Out of context, feeling sorry for her and talking about it is fine, but if he's ambivalent to you after just having a baby and after the blow job thing... no, Id be furious.

You need to talk to him. If he cant see how out of line he is- then you really have an issue.

He sounds like an utter pig.

Ugh, he's fawning over your friend.
What are you going to do about it?

@BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil I thought as much 🙄 I don’t really have an issue with the crush in itself, more the fact he’s using me as bait to try and ‘impress’ her when, actually, it's doing the complete opposite.

@OldUnit I just don’t know. What would you I?

What a wrong un’

What a strange man.

YANBU. He's being very disrespectful towards both you and your friend. I would have words with him and would arrange to meet my friend somewhere else than my home.

Just tell him what a dick he looks and really desperate asking friends for blow jobs.
Ask him why he's turned into such a sleaze and him fawning over your friend is embarrassing for you.

Sit him down and spell it out that he's behaving like a complete and utter twat. Not only is he making a fool of himself but he's making one of you too. If he can't control himself then you'll need to rethink the relationship, unless you're happy to live with a sleaze ball?

He’s a cretin. Get rid.

I don’t really know if I’m just making a mountain out of a molehill if I bring it up.

FWIW is like to bring it up as I can tell him how disgustingly cringeworthy he is and to never make my friend feel that uncomfortable in our home again!

I would be having a chat to him OP - the blow job comment is terrible.

He clearly has a crush on her, is he seeing if he can make HER jealous? what other reason would he have?

Does not sit right with me, sorry

Tell him she mentioned it to you because he is embarrassing himself lol, he'll soon stop.

I will just add the ‘only if I get a blowjob’ comment was aimed at me, not at my friend. He was just looking at her to see her reaction.

It might be worth talking about it but I can picture him being defensive. But it would be good to let him know that you thought his comment was off. Hopefully that might make him think twice next time.

Your friend has noticed it too, she might be laughing it off to you but I would stick a tenner on her being uncomfortable about it and she's letting you know.

Your dh is a prick, he is behaving appallingly and honestly you'll be lucky if your friend keeps coming around. This must be so uncomfortable for her and you must feel like absolute shit.

Ugh I’ve been the friend on the receiving end of this. It’s not nice to be either party and I was never sure what it was meant to achieve. Poor you - he’s behaving like a complete arsehole!

I would meet up with a friend without OH.I think your friend would prefer this as well after his blow job comment. I certainly would.
Also next time when he’ll grab your bum you could react with quick strike by your knee in his groin area.

Eh you think it was aimed at you, it really wasn't

I’ve noticed recently that when I’m in the room he’ll make a lot of sexual innuendos. For example, last week, my friend announced that she was moving house and that she wanted to re home her cat. She asked if we’d like it and my eyes lit up. OH then said ‘only if I get a blow job.’ Now this is something he’d usually say jokily to me in private but he looked over at my friend after he’d said it gauging her reaction. Like he’d said it for her benefit more than mine.

I have no words other than this:

LTB.

Shocking.

WTF is he doing speaking about your sex life with your friend?

Gross.

The fact that his comments are aimed at you doesn't make a blind bit of difference; he's rude, inappropriate and a little bit vile.

You don't have to simply accept that he has a crush on your close friend, just like you don't have to accept his behaviour. I've had crushes on people, I'd say most people in relationships have at one point or another, but it's never ok to 'use' your partner to try and impress the person you fancy. It's cheap.

I really don’t know what the purpose of it was, whether to make her jealous which seems very odd to me as apart from being her friendly self, she’s never displayed any behaviour to make me question whether or not she has a crush on him.

He’d be very defensive and would never admit to having a crush on her but it’s blindingly obvious to me!