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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoyed with how OH behaved around my friend.

125 replies

Snookerwidow93 · 08/07/2019 20:28

I have a friend who is a beautiful lady, gorgeous figure and very attractive.

She comes round maybe once a fortnight for a cuppa and a catch up etc.

OH knows her dad well as they’re both in the same line of work so they’ll often have a natter about things whilst I’m out of the room.

I’ve noticed recently that when I’m in the room he’ll make a lot of sexual innuendos. For example, last week, my friend announced that she was moving house and that she wanted to re home her cat. She asked if we’d like it and my eyes lit up. OH then said ‘only if I get a blow job.’ Now this is something he’d usually say jokily to me in private but he looked over at my friend after he’d said it gauging her reaction. Like he’d said it for her benefit more than mine.

Today as I was leaving the house with said friend, he gave me a kiss and then grabbed my bum but looked over at my friend to see her reaction. I don’t get it. I’m pretty sure he’s attracted to her but why behave like that? It’s sleezy and disrespectful at best and down right degradation at worst.

He also seems to be very perceptive of her feelings- she’s been having a tough time with her MIL recently and she’ll openly chat to us both about it. He’ll sit and mention it after she’s gone and say how sorry he feels for her etc etc yet he’s never as perceptive of my feelings or as willing to listen.

It’s not the things he does when she’s around, it’s more the fact he does it then looks straight over to see her reaction, like he’s trying to impress her.

I will just mention that I gave birth to our second baby 6 weeks ago so perhaps I’m overly sensitive?

My friend has mentioned how he behaves before but just laughs it off. She’s noticed it though and he doesn’t behave like this around my other friends . .

OP posts:

NotStayingIn · 08/07/2019 20:54

It’s awkward but I think you need to tell him what you and your friend have observed. He clearly has a crush on her and he is embarrassing himself. You can’t help who you have a crutch on, but you can help how you behave. I think it’s OK to say you find it all a bit cringe and could he cut it out.

HundredMilesAnHour · 08/07/2019 20:55

The blow job comment is really sleazy. Especially in front of your friend! I'd have been mortified if I was you OP, and I'm sure your friend must have felt very uncomfortable.

KM99 · 08/07/2019 20:56

This has nothing to do with you having just had a baby. He's making a prize tit of himself.

Let him know very clearly and calmly that his behaviour is disrespectful, it's making you and your friend extremely uncomfortable and he needs to knock it on the head.

Mary1935 · 08/07/2019 20:57

Hi OP congratulations on your recent birth - is he feeling sexually frustrated do you think - not that’s it’s your problem.
I would be embarrassed to be around him. Why don’t you start popping round to your friends house and change the routine if possible.

user1471449295 · 08/07/2019 20:57

He fancies her rotten and is being so bloody disrespectful to you.it will carry on, it will get worse and more cringey.

EleanorOalike · 08/07/2019 20:58

Actually, thinking about what I wished would happen when I was in the role of your friend, I wished my friends would say “can you lay off the innuendo? You’re embarrassing Eleanor and you’re humiliating me.”

Maybe tell him he’s looking after the kids so you can go round to hers one night. If he asks why say you’ve noticed she’s uncomfortable around him and you get the impression she’s embarrassed when he brings up your sex life, she wouldn’t say it herself but you get the impression she thinks he’s a bit pervy and creepy. Bet you he’ll soon stop.

Original poster

Snookerwidow93 · 08/07/2019 20:58

I’d never dream of acting like that in front of his friends and I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t act like that in front of his friends either! He’d be mortified if I made a reference to oral sex in front of his friends I’m sure.

OP posts:

f83mx · 08/07/2019 20:58

@Mary1935 is he sexually frustrated?! What a ridiculous comment.

He’s grim OP. Yuk.

AlaskanOilBaron · 08/07/2019 21:00

If one of my friend's husbands said that in my presence, I would (quite logically, I think) presume that he was angling for a threesome and make a quick exit.

I'm so sorry your husband is behaving so badly. I think you have a problem here.

Afteryoux · 08/07/2019 21:01

That’s disgusting and humiliating for you.

Original poster

Snookerwidow93 · 08/07/2019 21:01

We’ve been having sex for a week or so now, reasonably regularly considering we’ve got a new baby.

We’d been using condoms given by the HV. One had split and I’d had to go for the morning after pill 😱 he was also making reference to the fact that I could be pregnant again today whilst my friend was present.

OP posts:

Teaandcrisps · 08/07/2019 21:03

I am so sorry you are going thru this 6 weeks after having a baby - congratulations too! What is he like usually - he comes across as sleazy - is he?

Squigglesworth · 08/07/2019 21:03

I'd have to confront him. If he wants to act like you're being ridiculous, there's nothing you can do to prevent that, but apparently he needs to be told what should already be obvious to him-- that his behaviour is disrespectful to you (and your friend). It doesn't matter if he thinks it's okay and you're just being a bore. All that matters is that it bothers you, and if he cares for you, it must stop. If he's unwilling or unable to rein himself in, he has some fairly serious problems that need addressing.

bluebeck · 08/07/2019 21:05

OMG He is vile!!!

I would apologise to your friend, and say you think you should meet her outside of the house for a bit until your DH has got over his ridiculous crush.

TBH I am amazed you are having sex with such a cockwomble.

theWarOnPeace · 08/07/2019 21:08

Annoyed? You’re being almost irrationally blasé about it! He sounds like a sleazebag and I would be fuming about both the disrespect towards you and the making your friend so uncomfortable. He’s gross.

Original poster

Snookerwidow93 · 08/07/2019 21:10

To be honest I just thought it was a bit of a male bravado thing at first. But more concerned now I’m pretty sure it’s a full blown crush.

OP posts:

managedmis · 08/07/2019 21:11

So you get a cat, he gets a blow job?

Misogynistic much

managedmis · 08/07/2019 21:11

What did your mate say about the BJ comment?

HollowTalk · 08/07/2019 21:12

He sounds disgusting. If I were your friend I wouldn't want to come round to your house. So odd that he thinks he's attracting her, when it's more likely he's revolting her.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/07/2019 21:13

Urgh. What a sleaze.

I'd be meeting the friend away from home, or when he's out.

sarmare · 08/07/2019 21:15

I wouldn't worry too much about why he did that, but on a wider question, could it be that your are outgrowing him and perhaps it's necessary to refocus on your own needs and feelings?

Original poster

Snookerwidow93 · 08/07/2019 21:15

@managedmis myself and said friend went to see another mutual friend today and I actually bought up the fact that he’d touched my bum in front of her. She then mentioned the blow job comment. I’d actually forgotten about it until she mentioned it. She literally just laughed it off whilst my other friend seemed quite surprised that he’d behaved like thag

OP posts:

Tooner · 08/07/2019 21:19

I would tell him you were discussing the way he has behaved with said friend and other friend today and all of you think he is acting like a right creepy arsehole. He should be mortified and hopefully put a stop to his disgusting antics.

LazyLizzy · 08/07/2019 21:21

How embarrassing, not only do you have a sleezebag DP but everybody will be talking about him.

TheWernethWife · 08/07/2019 21:25

OP - if this was me I'd ask him to leave as he has no respect for you. Take the kitty though, sounds like a bloody good swop.

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