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Original poster

Annoyed with how OH behaved around my friend.

125 replies

Snookerwidow93 · 08/07/2019 20:28

I have a friend who is a beautiful lady, gorgeous figure and very attractive.

She comes round maybe once a fortnight for a cuppa and a catch up etc.

OH knows her dad well as they’re both in the same line of work so they’ll often have a natter about things whilst I’m out of the room.

I’ve noticed recently that when I’m in the room he’ll make a lot of sexual innuendos. For example, last week, my friend announced that she was moving house and that she wanted to re home her cat. She asked if we’d like it and my eyes lit up. OH then said ‘only if I get a blow job.’ Now this is something he’d usually say jokily to me in private but he looked over at my friend after he’d said it gauging her reaction. Like he’d said it for her benefit more than mine.

Today as I was leaving the house with said friend, he gave me a kiss and then grabbed my bum but looked over at my friend to see her reaction. I don’t get it. I’m pretty sure he’s attracted to her but why behave like that? It’s sleezy and disrespectful at best and down right degradation at worst.

He also seems to be very perceptive of her feelings- she’s been having a tough time with her MIL recently and she’ll openly chat to us both about it. He’ll sit and mention it after she’s gone and say how sorry he feels for her etc etc yet he’s never as perceptive of my feelings or as willing to listen.

It’s not the things he does when she’s around, it’s more the fact he does it then looks straight over to see her reaction, like he’s trying to impress her.

I will just mention that I gave birth to our second baby 6 weeks ago so perhaps I’m overly sensitive?

My friend has mentioned how he behaves before but just laughs it off. She’s noticed it though and he doesn’t behave like this around my other friends . .

OP posts:
LonelyTiredandLow · 08/07/2019 22:50

Yeah she's found it weird and is reminding you of the 'extra' weird with a witness. I would like to suggest she is almost telling you his behaviour is way off. She's trying to be polite but I'd deffo tell him she mentioned it and found it pervy. That will stop it Wink although he might get the hump (no pun intended).

I've got a friend's husband who now and then Whatsapps me with weird comments like "beautiful pictures today!" or a wink or something. I ignore every time and have put him into 'creepy pervy married man' box. He's got form for cheating but sadly I don't see my friend often any more as they moved and as he's never done more in person than an overly long hug - in front of her. I think you are lucky you two are close so there isn't any weirdness. He doesn't sound like a great catch tbh?

MissRhubarb · 08/07/2019 23:04

So disrespectful.

If I didn't want to have a full-on argument about it with him (cause you can guarantee he'll try and deny or twist events), I'd be minded to arrange my next meet-up with her at her house or out somewhere. When he asked why, I'd say something like, "it's a bit awkward, but you made X feel uncomfortable with your comments last time". I think that might be enough on its own to make him stop. That said, I struggle with assertiveness and often wish I'd respond more like a lot of the suggestions on here. I hate sleaziness in all its forms though and couldn't cope with this sort of thing. I'd go right off him.

AnyFucker · 08/07/2019 23:09

Ugh

Hecateh · 08/07/2019 23:16

tell him she was laughing at him.

Even tell him she didn't know you could hear as you were just coming back from the loo and she was telling your friend and laughing at him.

areyoubeingserviced · 08/07/2019 23:35

Op, your husband is a sleazy idiot. He’s making a fool of himself and more importantly he’s making a fool of you.
Your friend may have mentioned his behaviour to others who will think your husband is disrespectful to you
Tbh, if my dh behaved like that , he would be out of the door

itsallafiddle · 09/07/2019 07:12

I think I would definitely mention that he's made a laughing stock of himself amongst your friends by acting like an attention seeking schoolboy. Then I'd be arranging catch ups elsewhere to avoid his twattish behaviour.

SunshineCake · 09/07/2019 07:13

@LonelyTiredLow - your friends husband was another one who was testing the waters. Getting off on making you feel uncomfortable in front of your friend and reminding his wife who he thinks is boss. Disgusting.

I hope your username isn't how you feel and if it is, seek support Flowers .

WizardOfAus · 09/07/2019 08:45

It’s either we’re drifting a part or the fact that i trust my friend implicitly being the reason that this doesn’t bother me.

So you’re not going to say anything to him then?

Scorpiovenus · 09/07/2019 09:07

I would have stern words with him if I was you.

Or he would be getting a home vasectomy lol.

Opossooom · 09/07/2019 09:31

Oh OP I would not be having that. At all. How disrespectful man!

JemSynergy · 09/07/2019 09:41

I wouldn't be dwelling on it I would be confronting him about it! I also wouldn't have just brushed off the blow job comment in front of my friend. I would have told my husband to rein it in. If a friends husband was acting like that around me I would think he was sleazy, I'd also be embarrassed for my friend.

teaandbiscuits89 · 09/07/2019 09:55

I feel like a lot of the comments here are my first reaction which is wow creepy

However I dont think thsts helpful as you've just had a baby with the man! If this has the only issue in the relationship and you love him want to stay with him etc then a conversation about how his comments are being perceived would be good. He might think hes being funny not creepy!

After my first date with my DH it nearly didnt go any further because he said I looked gorgeous in my recent fb photos... I thought that was creepy and we've talked about it since and he thought he was paying me a massive compliment!

Deff tall to him

billy1966 · 09/07/2019 10:10

OP, congratulations on your new baby.

So sorry that your husband is making a holy show of himself.

He is a sleazy pig.

I guarantee that your friends are talking about him being a slime ball and definitely thinking you are way too good for him.

In all honesty, if you see any sort of a future with him, tell him he is really making a holy show of himself and ye as a couple.

I couldn't look a man in the face that went on like like.
I hate vulgar men though, so unattractive and weak.

Mind yourself.

Namechangedonceagain · 09/07/2019 10:14

He sounds vile and embarrassing! That's not a sexual innuendo, it's literally just complete sleaziness

Namechangedonceagain · 09/07/2019 10:20

Like sexual innuendo is bad but what he does is way worse

MrMakersFartyParty · 09/07/2019 10:23

I couldn't stay in a relationship with him, how are you supposed to have your friend over? He probably will think of her in bed etc

ambereeree · 09/07/2019 10:38

I feel so embarrassed for you OP. He's a sleaze and lucky you have a good friendship that you understand your friend is equally uncomfortable. I was once in your friend's position and it was awful. I used to dread meeting my friend and her husband.

Weebitawks · 09/07/2019 10:40

Tell him your friend thinks he's creepy

AzraiL · 09/07/2019 11:07

Ew. God no. Yuck. How embarrassing.

If my husband ever made such comments in front of my friend there'd be Hell to pay.

And if someone's partner ever made such a comment in front of me I'd be repulsed by him and suffer second-hand-embarrassment for my friend.

And I'd probably ask to catch up with her outside their house, or over at mine, where her partner won't be.

progestermoan · 09/07/2019 11:10

If just meet her when he’s not there or go out
Must be uncomfortable for her too, unpleasant for you to be used as a tool to get a reaction from her and just not a good situation so probably better to keep away from him when with her

ACPC · 09/07/2019 11:15

I couldn't be with such an immature and disrespectful perv op. Get rid.

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/07/2019 11:16

OP what are you going to do about this?

I think you have a problem.

MerryMarigold · 09/07/2019 11:19

You do need to bring this up with him OP. I know you must have loads on your plate, which probably makes this seen Luke a small deal, but please talk to him. Your relationship doesn't need to peter out. Whether you bring up the crush (deeper conversation) or simply just tell him to stop the sleazy behaviour because he's embarrassing himself, you need to say something. This will lead to resentment and distance otherwise.

Wherearemycrayons · 09/07/2019 11:32

Absolutely vile I would defo consider LTB

ACPC · 09/07/2019 11:39

Sounds like you are fed up of him, I know you have a baby but the longer you stay, the harder it will be to extract yourself from him, at least make sure you are financially independent and see how it plays out. Maybe he'll change but can you take the risk?