Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH accidentally sent very unflattering photos of me - AIBU?

119 replies

zcazca · 08/07/2019 19:37

Yesterday my baby was being particularly adorable/smiley. I hate having photos of me right now (very self-conscious of baby weight) so I politely asked DH to leave me out the frame. This evening DH very casually tells me that he accidentally sent ALL the photos to a work WhatsApp chat!

Majority of the photos are ok, I even look pretty in a couple (despite double chin) but there is one photo where I am positively gurning. I actually screamed when I saw it. No idea why I had tucked my top lip under but I look disgusting. I'm horrified and beyond angry at DH despite knowing this is a mistake. It doesn't help that in a lot of them I look as wide as a bus due to naturally massive tits sans bra.

I have a history with eating disorders and this has made me feel really shit. I'm not talking to "D"H and thinks I'm being "immature and unfair". AIBU? I can't control being upset. Would you be upset

(It 100% was an accident)

OP posts:
Original poster
zcazca · 08/07/2019 19:38

Literally looked like this! No idea why!

DH accidentally sent very unflattering photos of me - AIBU?
OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 08/07/2019 19:41

Sorry but it was an accident so yabu. And yabu to make your own issues about your looks more important than getting photos with your baby. What if, God forbid, you died. You want your child to know you spent time with you and what you looked like etc.
Work on your self esteem and tell your DH it doesn’t matter and that you’re glad he got some lovely photos of your baby.

MissMogwai · 08/07/2019 19:41

I'd be really pissed off even though it was a mistake! Can't he delete them?

ems137 · 08/07/2019 19:42

I'm so sorry but I did laugh 😂

I hate most pictures of me so I totally get where you're coming from. I look at all the details and focus on the bits I hate. Everyone else will just look at the picture and think oh yeah that's OP again. No extra thoughts or criticism will even enter their minds! Just think, when you see photos of your friends and family, do you start nit picking the angles and poses they do? Or do you just think, aww there's name again?

riotlady · 08/07/2019 19:43

Yanbu to be upset, but I think you need to acknowledge that stems from your own issues and isn’t really your husbands fault. He made an error while wanting to show off his baby, he hasn’t done anything malicious.

Goodnightjude1 · 08/07/2019 19:43

It was a mistake! I’m sure nobody else focuses on the things you see in yourself and don’t like!

Original poster
zcazca · 08/07/2019 19:44

I have plenty of photos together with my baby. It just so happened that yesterday I was wearing the most unflattering/slobby top I own with stains! My self-esteem is normally okay but I am struggling with being bigger and DH knows this.

OP posts:
Summertimeatthebeach · 08/07/2019 19:44

Apart from wedding pics absolutely nobody has any pics of me ...

Original poster
zcazca · 08/07/2019 19:46

He deleted them from the chat but they are automatically saved to people's photo albums. He didn't even realise the mistake, a colleague/friend told him.

OP posts:
AmIRightOrAMeringue · 08/07/2019 19:48

YANBU to feel awful

YANBU to be annoyed

YABU to not talk to your husband, it was an accident, punishing him is not going to achieve anything and he has already apologised

To be honest they probably just deleted them or looked at the baby. It also makes me feel better to see pictures of normal women with tiny babies as feel like I didn't cope as well as other people who managed to find the time to shower and brush their hair etc!

SunshineCake · 08/07/2019 19:49

Accident is fine but him calling you immature is very out of order Angry.

Marlena1 · 08/07/2019 19:49

I remember similar with me after section just lying there in the background so I know how you feel. Had asked not to be in them but saw them after. I looked horrific. The only thing I would say is it was an accident, and also these are people you don't know and won't be in your life forever. Don't let it affect you as only celebs look amazing after birth and they have lots of help and airbrushing. Try not to let this cloud this great time, it was an accident.

LaMainDeFatima · 08/07/2019 19:50

I think most people will delete them if they get saved to their phones next time they are checking through their photos

I know it's painful for you but they will glance at them and think "cute baby" and move on

Oilyskinproblems · 08/07/2019 19:50

This is shit I’d be gutted. However 1. People expect you to be at your worst after having a baby and 2. Next time you see them you’ll look so much better by comparison I’m sure they’ll be saying you’re looking great

Aquamarine1029 · 08/07/2019 19:51

I know exactly how you feel. My MIL insisted on taking a pic of my husband and me just before they left after a visit. It was very early in the morning, ugly lounge wear, no make up, the works. She put the pic of us on her fucking Facebook even though she had been asked many many times not to put our pics on social media. I looked like a goblin and I was horrified.

Original poster
zcazca · 08/07/2019 19:52

I admit not talking to DH is dramatic but I just want to sit in my bedroom on my own for a while and calm down.

OP posts:
MissMogwai · 08/07/2019 19:52

I'm sure they will delete them. Why would they keep pics of you and your baby.

Make it up with your husband, he will never do it again! My DP would probably delete WhatsApp in his panic 😂

I really wouldn't like it either, and you're entitled to feel how you want about it. But it's done now don't give it any more headspace.

NCforthis2019 · 08/07/2019 19:52

Of course yabu. It was an accident. Confused

Marlena1 · 08/07/2019 19:53

Just to add when I had DD a millionaire celeb's wife was on my ward and put a photo up of herself on twitter in dressing gown and no makeup (zero glam). I know it's not the same thing but the amount of positive feedback it got was massive.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/07/2019 19:54

He deleted them from the chat but they are automatically saved to people's photo albums.

That's not true - it defaults to off, not on.

Original poster
zcazca · 08/07/2019 19:54

I was wearing a top I wouldn't even wear if my mum was over.

OP posts:
Justbreathing · 08/07/2019 19:56

Sulking is fucking shit. And immature. And pretty abusive if you’re using it to punish him. It’s a photo for fucks sake.
Guess what! No one really cares and probably though how lovely.

Mistakes happen. You really can’t behave like this as an adult.

Original poster
zcazca · 08/07/2019 19:56

AnchorDownDeepBreath - I hope you're right!

On my phone (Samsung) a photo from WhatsApp is immediately saved to the phone and has to be deleted manually (even if the photos have been deleted from the chat itself).

OP posts:
Hazzleton · 08/07/2019 19:59

Total downer here,
My Mum died when I was a teenager and I found a picture of her in slobby pjs and definitely not looking her best with me when I was a baby. It’s one of my favourites, it’s nice to have a photo where she just looks relaxed and happy. She was very particular with pictures of herself when camera phones and all that came along and you could see them before they were developed so it makes this one even more special.
When you and your DC look back in years to come you really won’t care how you look. I get it probably sucks that they were posted so publicly but nobody else ever looks at you in the same negative light we tend to see ourselves in.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/07/2019 19:59

Get over yourself.