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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH accidentally sent very unflattering photos of me - AIBU?

119 replies

zcazca · 08/07/2019 19:37

Yesterday my baby was being particularly adorable/smiley. I hate having photos of me right now (very self-conscious of baby weight) so I politely asked DH to leave me out the frame. This evening DH very casually tells me that he accidentally sent ALL the photos to a work WhatsApp chat!

Majority of the photos are ok, I even look pretty in a couple (despite double chin) but there is one photo where I am positively gurning. I actually screamed when I saw it. No idea why I had tucked my top lip under but I look disgusting. I'm horrified and beyond angry at DH despite knowing this is a mistake. It doesn't help that in a lot of them I look as wide as a bus due to naturally massive tits sans bra.

I have a history with eating disorders and this has made me feel really shit. I'm not talking to "D"H and thinks I'm being "immature and unfair". AIBU? I can't control being upset. Would you be upset

(It 100% was an accident)

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 08/07/2019 20:31

Now that you have clarified that your Dh sent the photos to his work group instead of the family group, I can only see a funny side. Did he send another message to the work group explaining the error? They must have been wondering why on earth he was sending photos of his wife/baby Grin. Hope it doesn't set a trend, as his phone will be hopping with incoming photos of all his work colleagues families.

tolerable · 08/07/2019 20:38

sorry -i voted yabu. cos you are. nobody cares. honestly.youre kicking up a shitstorm about literally..nothing. eating disorders are a curse.it took me years to grasp it was always a vague attempt at "control"I still hate my size,frame,weight,photo took.it just never bloody leaves tho varies on degrees of how much affects you. ..i onlyhave 2 photos of me with my ds2 as a baby,(mostly cos nobody else thought to take my pic/i always had camera.. in your kidseyes you'll always be mum.and they love you unconditionally,dont let it get to you.x

CassandraCross · 08/07/2019 20:41

It could be worse OP, a man where I worked was proudly showing photos of his baby around which included pictures of his wife immediately post birth naked to below the waist. He was asked if his wife knew that pictures of her like that were being shown to all and sundry, he said she didn't, and he got an earful for not respecting his wife's privacy and dignity.

restingpigeon · 08/07/2019 20:42

wait til they're old enough to get your phone and take pictures from underneath your chin op! I've got lots of photos of my double chin from the worst angles now.

I get it, eating disorder and generally terrible self loathing, check - BUT the photos are for your children too, that's why you need to be in them and one thing I've learned is that eventually you look back and all you see is a time you miss, and that you looked young and where has all that time gone?

I can't get the baby days back, try not to spend it being grumpy with each other. Having DC is v hard on the self image but don't lose sight of the important points due to the internal negative self talk.

VenusTiger · 08/07/2019 20:43

Nothing worse than baby and mom pic where mom is overly primed, done up and eyebrow brigade!
You probably look perfectly natural. Natural pics are the best.
As other PPs have said, they’ll be looking at your baby and then moving on.

NoSauce · 08/07/2019 20:48

People will see the nice photos of you and think the “bad” one was just a crap angle or something, fret not OP.

SuperSara · 08/07/2019 20:49

You actually screamed when you saw the photo?

Have you tried pulling yourself together?

sl07 · 08/07/2019 20:50

I get you because I don't like photos taken off me - especially sending them to people i don't know. I would be pissed.

On the other hand, I get his point as he is just showing off you and your baby x

Chovihano · 08/07/2019 20:51

YABU, but it's such a shame you feel like this about yourself. Your confidence seems quite low, I bet you look lovely apart from the gurning and it will just look like a bad photo against all the lovely ones.
Your dh must be so proud to post pics to work colleagues, I can honestly say I've never known anyone do this. Friends, Family yes, randoms and people you happen to work with, a big fat no.

MillicentMartha · 08/07/2019 20:51

I remember a chap at work proudly showing us pictures of his brand new baby which included pictures of his wife just post birth with blood on her feet! I don’t think she’d have been best pleased!

RezCowgirl · 08/07/2019 20:52

You're both human. Move on.

Sceptre86 · 08/07/2019 20:53

Yanbu but as it was an accident I would let it go. Just sensor any other photos he takes.The first pic my dh sent to my dad of my ds was from the operating theatre. You can see the other side of the sheet they had put up ( blood and me opened up), my poor dad didn't even notice the baby. He was distraught. I was annoyed that the first pic of my ds is one I hate to look at but dh didn't mean to take a picture of that so I let it go.

WanderingTrolley1 · 08/07/2019 20:54

Yabu.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 08/07/2019 20:55

Other people’s favourite pics of me are not ones I would pick - ever
Not talking to OH is immature and mean , you have a child now and need to be a body positive role model

Sceptre86 · 08/07/2019 20:55

Also a colleague at work showed me a pic of his newborn. The wife was breastfeeding topless, I commented that she maybe wouldn't like it if she knew he was showing pics of her to people at work. He commented that it was fine as she always has them out anyway.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 08/07/2019 21:01

Anyone who saw those pics would ONLY have thought Awww new baby! maybe smiled at the gurning one but ultimately not given two hoots about how wide or how many chins ( most people have a couple) a very quick swipe is all they would give them not scrutiny
I could understand if it pictures from your last dogging session

Iggly · 08/07/2019 21:02

Yabu and I did snigger a bit

SummerInSun · 08/07/2019 21:05

Truly, the only person who cares how you look in the photos is you. I absolutely guarantee that none of his work colleagues could care less, and probably barely even looked at them. This is about your body image, not his mistake. You have a small baby - cut yourself some slack!

nethunsreject · 08/07/2019 21:09

I mean this in a positive way: no one will give a fig. Honestly. No one.

MummytoCSJH · 08/07/2019 21:10

My ex put a very unflattering photo of me on a Google review and that many people upvoted it (or liked not sure on the terminology) that it became the restaurant's first photo when you googled them ... he did that because he was a dick Angry

I understand why you're feeling shit but in your case, your DH did this by accident. Some people might not even look at the photos and the ones who do want to see the baby won't take a second glance at you.

Justbreathing · 08/07/2019 21:11

This reply has been deleted

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Twotinydictators · 08/07/2019 21:12

It can be a very emotional, hormonal time in the months after having a baby. DH booked me a spa night to have a break 12 weeks in and I cried for a week fretting about it Confused A spa break is most welcome now Grin

Photographs make lots of people feel vulnerable and exposed, I imagine you are reacting so strongly because its bringing up real panic and anxiety for you.

DH didn't mean it, so do your best to explain why you are having such a strong reaction, apologise and let it go.

I hope other posters haven't made you feel like crap; the newborn stage is tough for most people Flowers

Justathinslice · 08/07/2019 21:12

People won't remember- they're looking at the baby.
Stop pouting about it- it IS immature. Your DH is excited to show off pics of your new baby- sweet. It really really isn't about you.

Cheeserton · 08/07/2019 21:15

OP may well be being unreasonable having a bit of a sulk, but abusive? Please. Surely we risk utterly undermining the concept of taking abuse seriously if everything little thing gets the label.

CharityConundrum · 08/07/2019 21:15

I get it OP - even though you know it was an accident, it's the kind of thing that hits you right in the insecurities and you can't help but feel cross and embarrassed even though you know it was just a mistake. Don't be too hard on yourself - I don't think any of us would want the photos of us we hate the most to be forwarded to a large group, so it's understandable that your feelings are all over the place and it doesn't sound like your husband is helping by being narky instead of apologising and sympathising with you.

YANBU and it's a shame your husband is making it worse rather than better - have you told him all the stuff you wrote in your OP about how you're feeling?