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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH accidentally sent very unflattering photos of me - AIBU?

119 replies

zcazca · 08/07/2019 19:37

Yesterday my baby was being particularly adorable/smiley. I hate having photos of me right now (very self-conscious of baby weight) so I politely asked DH to leave me out the frame. This evening DH very casually tells me that he accidentally sent ALL the photos to a work WhatsApp chat!

Majority of the photos are ok, I even look pretty in a couple (despite double chin) but there is one photo where I am positively gurning. I actually screamed when I saw it. No idea why I had tucked my top lip under but I look disgusting. I'm horrified and beyond angry at DH despite knowing this is a mistake. It doesn't help that in a lot of them I look as wide as a bus due to naturally massive tits sans bra.

I have a history with eating disorders and this has made me feel really shit. I'm not talking to "D"H and thinks I'm being "immature and unfair". AIBU? I can't control being upset. Would you be upset

(It 100% was an accident)

OP posts:
Refilona · 08/07/2019 20:03

Trust me, no one cares about the pictures - I barely look at them if I’m sent any in work group chats and delete them ASAP. No one will be looking at them long enough to notice your face / boobs / anything else, and if they do, they’ll forget about them in less than a minute. Forget about it too!

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 08/07/2019 20:03

There are barely any photos of my mum with my siblings and I ( late eighties/nineties) as she was usually the one behind the camera, and any that there were she used to criticise when they came back from being developed- we never saw any of the things she saw (wrinkles, weird laughing face/chin etc). She regrets that there arent more photos of us with her- as all the things she hated are still there now but weve grown up!

The photos I remember of people with their kids are the ones where theyve stuck filters on and I think...you literally look nothing like that. Nice photos of my mates, even with goofy faces- they just look like theyre having fun.

YANBcompletelyU to be pissed off, I'd be fuming at first! but it was a mistake and no one apart from you will have even thought twice about it. So let it go, after you get an apology back rub of course Wink

Cherrysoup · 08/07/2019 20:03

I've turned off the automatic save from my Whatsapp, don't most people? Not being rude, but I don't want pictures of other peoples' babies

Not talking to him is dramatic, childish, abusive when done by men to their female partners, according to mumsnet. Get over yourself.

colourlessgreenidea · 08/07/2019 20:06

I was wearing a top I wouldn't even wear if my mum was over.

So fucking what?! It doesn’t matter in the slightest, and no one else will be remotely interested.

What is it you’re imagining right now? That his colleagues are secretly bitching about your gurning face and shabby top? No one is interested. Not a single person.

‘Not speaking’ over an irrelevant mistake is incredibly childish.

ddl1 · 08/07/2019 20:08

I sympathize as I hate pics of me being shared to social media. YANBU to object and to tell your husband that this may be silly but it's important to you, so could he please be more careful about this in future. But YABU to refuse to speak to him: it was an accident, and I doubt to be honest that most people would be that bothered; they'd be much more interested in the cute baby in the pictures! And we all think pics of ourselves are much more unflattering than they usually are.

2littleninjas · 08/07/2019 20:09

I understand why you’re annoyed but if I were you I’d talk to your DP. I bet he’s feeling rubbish too knowing he’s upset you

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/07/2019 20:09

If I was one of your dh's work colleagues I'd be too busy thinking 'ffs why do my work mates insist on sending me pics of random kids I don't know. I'm sick of just replying aww. Please stop'.

I wouldn't even see anyone or anything in the pic.

Gardai · 08/07/2019 20:09

Well I think YANBU. You’ve every right to feel a bit pissed off but hopefully you can laugh about this in the future and hopefully he will never do it again.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 08/07/2019 20:10

It was a mistake so you really need to calm down unless you're 100% confident you have never and would never make a mistake in your life?

Also, I know this isn't the point but if you have a top which is unflattering and stained (why would you keep/wear a stained top?) then don't wear it! Throw it out!

Original poster
zcazca · 08/07/2019 20:11

I want to get over myself, trust me. It's just my nature to be a control freak/overly concerned with my appearance.

I will go down to DH when I feel less gutted. It's better to have some space.

OP posts:
WaterOffaDucksCrack · 08/07/2019 20:12

Also, I highly doubt anyone has looked at all the pictures, let alone in detail. Why would they be looking at your breasts etc?

Unfinishedkitchen · 08/07/2019 20:13

I can understand why you’re upset and embarrassed. I would be too in that situation and even though I know it was an accident I would find it hard not to be pissed off with DH.

My DH is one of them that takes pictures of me and tries to post them without looking at them properly. He’s posted a couple of really shit unflattering ones and now he runs them past me before he uploads them.

And people are lying when they say nobody notices when you look shit. I’ve heard DH exclaim ‘bloody ‘ell Dave’s properly chubbed up!’ when he’d seen a recent unflattering photo of someone he used to work with so people do notice.

carly2803 · 08/07/2019 20:14

Theres pictures of me on social media - i look fat, chunky isnt my thing and ive never been "fat" (think size 8/10) then i had a baby.

You know what - i dont even care, im about 2 sizes bigger now (i amlosing it slowly). But people genuinly dont care they just want to see your baby!

As for the work colleagues - anything like mine they dont actually care about you anymore (sorry!) its about the baby!!!

YABU not speaking to him but you are NOT for feeling shit.

hugs xo

BeaLola · 08/07/2019 20:14

I sympathise - I hate being in photos. HOWEVER how lovely that your DH is so proud of gorgeous baby that he posted them (& of course proud of you too).

Oysterbabe · 08/07/2019 20:14

How do you accidentally send all the pictures on WhatsApp? Don't you have to select each one?

Original poster
zcazca · 08/07/2019 20:14

Why would you keep/wear a stained top?

It's comfortable and not permanently stained, it had some of my lunch on it. I should have changed but I'm sleep deprived (baby is 5 weeks old)

OP posts:
sonjadog · 08/07/2019 20:15

I think most people feel they look a lot worse in photos than they actually do. I bet these people won't have noticed the negative things you feel stand out a mile, and even if they do notice something, they won't think more than that the photo is not a great one of you. We all have bad photos of ourselves after all.

Knittedfairies · 08/07/2019 20:15

OP, they're probably not that interested in your pictures; it's not worth getting vexed about.

Original poster
zcazca · 08/07/2019 20:16

How do you accidentally send all the pictures on WhatsApp? Don't you have to select each one?

He selected the wrong group. He was trying to send it a family group chat (only includes me, my sister, brother and his twin).

OP posts:
LEELULUMPKIN · 08/07/2019 20:17

Speaking as someone who has a positive phobia about having my photo taken (I have a genuine facial deformity) I totally get where you are coming from.

HOWEVER, it was an accident and your DH obviously thinks that there is nothing wrong with the way you look, hence him posting it.

When this happens to me, I remind myself that my image of myself is completely different to what other people see.

A bit like when you hear your own voice on a recording and it sounds nothing like how you think you sound if you know what I mean?

Or as my case, when I am trying on clothes and the mirror suddenly turns into one of those fairground distortion mirrors.

We never see what others see so try not to let get to you so much, easier said that done, I certainly know!x

ohhdearyme · 08/07/2019 20:17

I'd be pissed off too. But I bet they are looking at the photos and either concentrating on baby or the fact you look well and happy with your baby.

We all think we look a look worse than we actually do on photos.

ballsdeep · 08/07/2019 20:18

😂😂😂😂😂😂 This made me laugh so sorry op.

I'm sure you looked beautiful and people were only probably looking at baby xx

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 08/07/2019 20:19

Ah ok to me stained is permanently stained. But anyway if it's unflattering it really won't do anything for your confidence. I was a size 8 pre pregnancy and now I'm 32 weeks pregnant but I've always worn clothes I feel comfortable yet confident in. And I'm pretty poor so it doesn't mean spending loads of money.

Expressedways · 08/07/2019 20:27

This makes me really sad. I’m sorry you feel so bad about yourself and your body. It’s ok to be upset, it’s not ok to take it out on your DH husband by not talking to him. I think you are being immature and unfair to have shut yourself away because of a genuine mistake that he’s already apologised for. He’s probably sleep deprived with a new baby and he was only trying to proudly send some pictures of his wife and baby to family.

Also, I don’t think many people have their WhatsApp set to save all the pictures and most of the colleagues probably glanced at it and thought cute kid or yawn, baby spam without giving it a proper look.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 08/07/2019 20:28

Accident is fine but him calling you immature is very out of order Angry

She’s refusing to talk to him because of something she admits was ‘100% an accident’. I’d say he was astute.

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