DH accidentally sent very unflattering photos of me - AIBU?

[zcazca]

Yesterday my baby was being particularly adorable/smiley. I hate having photos of me right now (very self-conscious of baby weight) so I politely asked DH to leave me out the frame. This evening DH very casually tells me that he accidentally sent ALL the photos to a work WhatsApp chat!

Majority of the photos are ok, I even look pretty in a couple (despite double chin) but there is one photo where I am positively gurning. I actually screamed when I saw it. No idea why I had tucked my top lip under but I look disgusting. I'm horrified and beyond angry at DH despite knowing this is a mistake. It doesn't help that in a lot of them I look as wide as a bus due to naturally massive tits sans bra.

I have a history with eating disorders and this has made me feel really shit. I'm not talking to "D"H and thinks I'm being "immature and unfair". AIBU? I can't control being upset. Would you be upset

(It 100% was an accident)

@zcazca I'm glad you feel ok day to day but I think your reaction to this indicates you aren't feeling particularly well. If your baby was very new I'd think it was just a bit of baby blues but if lo is smiling I'm going to assume they are a few months old? I know it's hard work being a new mum and having lack of sleep but I do think you've taken thus badly because you're not in a great space. Take care of yourself x

Also as work colleagues they probably didn't even look at them 😚

We all think we are more important than we are. We also all think that a flattering photograph disguises the truth.

Fact: Unless you've really pissed someone off, and they are out for gloating schadenfreude, you are married to them or the mother of their children, no one really gives a shit about you or what you look like in a photo. It's a scrolling passing moment of seconds.

Fact: Your appearance is just how you look and known to everyone who sees you. If you are fat, average, a bit mousey, a bit porky, a bit spotty or a stunning beauty, people who know you see this day in day out. They know it. A flattering photo or an unflattering photo is neither here nor there.

There's no way they are going to look at them in their 'gallery', he has deleted them, this is important to you (I understand why) but in the nicest possible way they won't give a damn about trying to find then in their gallery. We're only that interesting to ourselves!

I get it OP I let DH take whatever I don't care what he has, but if it's a bad one of me he has to crop me out before he shares it. It's my image to decide who gets to see it

but why do you care about being attractive to everyone but the person you have sex with?

I hope you're joking. I just had the mans child and I am dealing with significant mastitis.

I was sat in a comfy (but ugly) loose blouse whilst lounging in my living room.

You are definitely not BU. You DH needs to be more careful what he shares with people. You specifically and politely asked not to be on the pics he sent. I would be upset too. This is probably covered by data protection laws but maybe don't mention that!

zcazca
I am not joking, and I am not telling you you should have sex with anyone after giving birth anytime until you are ready.
However, your DH is presumably the person you will have sex with eventually. Why do you care what complete strangers can think, but are comfortable in front of the man you love?

My point is that if it's good enough for him (which is absolutely fine!), it's good enough for everybody else.

Go and give your partner a hug, tell them you know it was a mistake and explain why you are sad. You can have a good cry about it if you need to. My favourite saying 'tears cleanse and laughter heals' usually helps me in these type of situations.

I'm with heatwave. The way you put it re: the top is that you're fuming about strangers seeing it, you'd not wear it in front of the woman who gave birth to you but it seems like you're happy for DH to see you in it, complete with statement luncheon. Seems odd.

My husband sees me naked but I wouldn't be happy with his colleagues having a look! Don't be ridiculous.

You are supposed to be comfortable around your husband no matter how you look. It's called intimacy.

You can't compare the 2!

Being naked is intimacy and private.

Being embarrassed because of the top you are wearing and the way you look should not matter in front of strangers if it doesn't matter in front your DH.

My Ds turned 18 recently and I was looking through all his baby photos to make a collage for his birthday card. I have always been very self concious about having my photo taken because of my size but all I could see in these old photos was a young woman with beautiful, glowing skin who could have passed for someone of 16. I was 26 at the time. I know that if my DH had shown these photos to anyone at the time I would have been mortified and might even have given him the silent treatment as well but all these photos are so precious to me now, showing me as I was at the very start of my journey as a mother.

Something that helps me in these types of situations is to remember that while I'm worried about it other people have likely long ago forgotten. Your going to go over it in your head, whilst they have seen it and have thought of it twice. They were likely more focused on your cute bub in the photo. Don't forget we are also our own worst enemies OP!

Oh - haven't thought of it twice it should have said!

Recently having had a hip replacement, my DD took a video of me walking across the living room with two sticks to illustrate the rapid improvement since before the op.

I was dressed but not wearing make-up and my hair was a mess, it was only just over a week after the op and I was still in quite a lot of pain. Also wearing white hospital TED stockings which are essential for the first 6 weeks, but not flattering. The video was shared on a family group chat, which I consented to, as all involved knew about what was going on.

DH later told me had shared the video with his work colleagues and I was not happy at all. I look like an old granny and had hoped to have much better mobility and be well groomed before seeing anyone outside the family.

OP I haven't made a fuss about it, but I can understand where you are coming from. In future I would refuse to get involved in this sort of personal video and photo stuff as DH could simply not see why I objected.

@Justbreathing she said she's controlling about her looks. Not controlling in a relationship.

Having sex with your husband is a bit different to not wanting acquaintances seeing you in a stained top pulling faces. I really don't see how there's a connection.

I'm sure you didn't look terrible op, we are our own worst critics.

Yes being naked around each other is intimate - but so are a lot of things.

Like lounging around in your scruffiest, but most comfortable pajamas, hair a mess complaining that your period is killing you while your DH rubs your back.

Most people wouldn't want strangers to see them like that are fine with their husband because of the intimate relationship they share.