DH accidentally sent very unflattering photos of me - AIBU?

[zcazca]

Yesterday my baby was being particularly adorable/smiley. I hate having photos of me right now (very self-conscious of baby weight) so I politely asked DH to leave me out the frame. This evening DH very casually tells me that he accidentally sent ALL the photos to a work WhatsApp chat!

Majority of the photos are ok, I even look pretty in a couple (despite double chin) but there is one photo where I am positively gurning. I actually screamed when I saw it. No idea why I had tucked my top lip under but I look disgusting. I'm horrified and beyond angry at DH despite knowing this is a mistake. It doesn't help that in a lot of them I look as wide as a bus due to naturally massive tits sans bra.

I have a history with eating disorders and this has made me feel really shit. I'm not talking to "D"H and thinks I'm being "immature and unfair". AIBU? I can't control being upset. Would you be upset

(It 100% was an accident)

@cheeserton Totally agree. Some of these posts are bloody ridiculous!!

The only person who's going to care about the photo is you. I constantly make faces when people take pictures of me cos I hate getting my photo taken. If any one mentions it too you just make light of it, but as a PP said photos you think are horrible turn out to be the ones other people appreciate for some reason. Give your DH a break after all you are both probably sleep deprived at the moment.

His work friends won't know who is in the photos and will probably just delete them. Had they been correctly sent to the family group, they would have been kept. So it's kind of turned out better as now you are safe from them going to people who actually know you.

No we are not making abuse flippant. She’s said. I am controlling. I am sulking.
Because of a mistake.

I’ve seen countless threads on here where an woman has come on and said her husband consistently sulks and ignores her if she’s made a MISTAKE. It’s awful, it’s one of the most horrible things you can do to someone. So unless you’ve been on the end of it, you don’t really understand it.

There is a big difference between punishing someone by sulking because something happened you couldn’t CONTROL and saying. Sorry I’m really upset I know it was a mistake but I just want to be on my own for a bit.

Honestly, I'd be very annoyed that he was so careless when it sounds like you'd already made it very clear to him that you weren't feeling photogenic. I'd wonder if he'd have been more careful if they had been unflattering photos of himself. (I'd also wonder if maybe he shouldn't have just kept this information to himself, since there was nothing to be done about it, anyway. Sometimes ignorance is bliss!)

As you say, you can't help how you feel, so he'll just have to suffer through you being annoyed with him for a while. (Maybe it'll inspire him to be more careful next time!) I'm sure you'll cool off soon enough. In the meantime, try not to worry about it. People are usually not that interested in colleagues' baby photos, anyway, so most people probably didn't even look through them all.

No one will give more than a passing glance to a colleague's baby photos. A lot won't even look at them.

Sulking - which is what you are doing - is really immature and your DH is right to call you out on it. There are loads of threads on here where women (usually it's women) are trying to work out how to deal with a partner's sulking. You shouldn't need "space" over some photos that were accidentally shared. You should apologise to him really as it was just an accident.

You're being immature and unfair.

Get over it fgs.

@Justbreathing
your
Just while we’re being needlessly critical of other people. Wouldn’t want your children to have to endure that grammar (seriously, she has a 5 week old baby. Everything feels shite/different at that stage, physically, for a lot of normal humans. Have some empathy.)

@zcazca I would have screamed too, at least internally!! DH has occasionally uploaded photos where I look terrible. He thinks I look lovely. Nobody who sees it will care, but it does give me the cold sweats. He now knows to ask, “Giraffe, do you think you look like a twat in this one?” before he uploads it.

Can he save it by sending the group a message saying he accidentally sent pictures of your marginally less attractive twin sister with the baby?

In the nicest way possible, nobody in a work chat will give a shit about a colleague's baby pictures or what his wife looks like. Plus, you can unsend a whatsapp message so it doesn't show up unless people have saved it to their camera roll which is unlikely. Talk to him and say you're sorry for sulking then go and work on your own self esteem

@UtterlyPerfectCartoonGiraffe
I know. It’s a shocker. I didn’t proof read a rather pointless response on a rather pointless thread.
Apologies.

@Justbreathing And back in the real world, perfectly rational, decent people sometimes get cross/upset and have a bit of a sulk. We're not robots.

Sustained, deliberate coercive control is a different matter. Consistently being a nasty, selfish spouse is also a different thing entirely. Nothing in OPs post suggests she is either of these things so your posts are completely out of context and way over the top.

As people have said these photos will probably get a casual glance and never see the light of day again .
Nobody is that interested to scrutinise these pictures

I imagine you are reacting so strongly because its bringing up real panic and anxiety for you

Absolutely! I don't want to play my eating disorder card but it's a similar panic I used to experience with my eating.

Twotinydictators (and to all the sympathetic posters), thank you!

@Twotinydictators
Yes potentially they may be over the top. It was done for a reason. In that, hopefully the op realised how awful it is to sulk and control and use sulking to control. And she won’t do it anymore.

There is nothing in her posts saying she is using her sulking to control her DH. She cannot control the situation because the pictures have gone, so again, you're way off the mark.

My past history with body image/eating disorders is really what has caused this "immature" response. At my worst point I didn't eat for 11 days.

His carelessness and lack of understanding really upset me in the moment. And yes I'm extremely hormonal and sleep deprived and will more than likely apologise in a while.

I can't help feeling vulnerable. I don't want to be like this.

I'm certain I would have been less annoyed had this happened before my pregnancy.

I hate my pics like alot do but not talking to him over an accident is unreasonable he didnt do it to make you feel bad

There is a vast difference between a person using sulking as a way to create a toxic environment at home to get what they want or punish their partner and OP sitting in her room alone posting on MN because she's feeling shit about herself.

She's just upset. Stop twisting things.

Oh please. It's really not a big deal. It was an accident. You weren't naked or anything like that. I agree with your oh

@zcazca just read your last message. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Maybe you could reach out for some help with your MH from your health visitor?

My dh did this too. I was pissed off. Yanbu.

Hahaha88 - thanks for the message. I honestly think day to day I'm fine with my weight. My beautiful baby boy is the best distraction. I know the weight will come off eventually, I just don't need DH to broadcast my biggest insecurity a group of 15 (mostly) strangers. Accident or not.

I@m not saying this to sound melodramatic but I remember being a new mom and hating how I looked and felt and avoiding being in photos and then I read a blog about a woman who lost her mom when she was young and how much she regretted not having photos of her. I decided that my love of DC was the most important thing and that I wanted to capture that. And that, and doing things with them that were out of my comfort zone like going on water slides, was going to be more important then my being self conscious. It;s was/is a big mental adjustment but really has changed my outlook and feelings of self worth for the better.

Pfft. I'd be annoyed, but wouldn't expect virtual strangers to be interested in the photos, anyway. If I had a load of unwanted photos clogging up my phone, I'd delete them, not study them sufficiently to notice some woman tucking under her top lip and wearing a manky top. You're just not that interesting to strangers, zcazca.

YANBU to be uncomfortable with your body weight, but your baby is so tiny. Buy yourself a few comfy and fairly pretty tops (baggy if you must), and take small steps to lose weight. No need to wear shit clothes in the meantime.

YABU to be so angry about an honest mistake.

What I understand the least is why it bothers you to be seen by strangers, but not by your DH? Strangers don't matter, your DH does. I see some women wearing loads of make-up and making huge efforts during the week, but being back to casual at the weekend. It's fine, but why do you care about being attractive to everyone but the person you have sex with?

Ignore the strangers, really they don't matter. Everybody has bad photos, they don't matter as much as you think.