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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think having a multi bulti millionaire in the family is tricky

111 replies

Swellerellamoo · 08/07/2019 13:35

Without outing myself or family member a close relation but not immediate family, but same generation as me and siblings is a self made multi multi millionaire. He's also fairly famous and is in the news if relevant to his industry as a bit of a talking head etc. This means that while all the rest of the family are all ordinary working people with mortgages and rickety cars, he and his wife - who are lovely - spend the majority of their time travelling the world by private jet / helicopter for various functions / meeting world leaders etc.

So, we want to organise a family reunion but no one can afford for more than a fairly crap hotel for us to all fit. I guess they just have to suck it up or not come, if they can't bear the venue? They are really nice and we all love them and want them to be there. It's also nice hearing ritzy stories out of our ordinary. Were all really proud of him too - he's done amazingly. Its just a bit of a bizarre scenario for the rest of us and makes us all feel a bit awkward I think. Aibu to feel this way? Just wondering if others have experienced similar.

OP posts:

MonkeyTrap · 08/07/2019 13:39

He’s wealthy not from Mars, I’m sure he’d like to see his family.

mbosnz · 08/07/2019 13:40

We have a multi-millionaire in our family too. We plan our family events to our budget, they come, they have a good time. When they plan their family events, they plan to their budget, we go, we have a good time. No snobbery, no judgment. They're still the same person, from the same background.

happygiraffey · 08/07/2019 13:41

He probably feels slightly self conscious about the fact his lifestyle is so different to everyone else's. If he's a nice man, which it sounds like, then I'm sure he wants nothing more than to mix in with everyone else!

SickOfBeingFat · 08/07/2019 13:42

If he’s self made he should have lived like you have for atleast a little bit of his life? So should understand and like to see his family

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 08/07/2019 13:45

Yes you are unreasonable.

Ok so they have some money, that doesn’t mean they don’t want to see family or go to reunions crappy hotel or not. Me and dh have money we have friends & family that have a lot less, we still love them and attend all kinds of events. We are aware not everyone has the money we do.

Money really makes some people act weird.....

Cheeserton · 08/07/2019 13:46

I'm really not sure what you're complaining about. You say they're nice, doesn't sound like they've done a thing wrong to any of you. You need to get over it - it's clearly your problem in your head(s).

Munhu · 08/07/2019 13:47

It doesn't really sound as if he's done anything to suggest that he'd be snobby or decline because of the venue so I'm not sure what your dilemma is.

verticality · 08/07/2019 13:48

Organise what is normal for you, and they will fit in or not, as they can. Don't apologise for being normal - it's likely to be refreshing to them, not horrible. The exception would be cases where the person is super famous and where additional security is therefore required - this can make doing anything normal almost impossible.

OakElmAsh · 08/07/2019 13:49

Same, we have a very rich member of our family, who would be absolutely mortified if he thought we were afraid that events planned to our modest budget wouldn't be good enough for him !
He'll bring a box of beer, and unless you ask him about something specific linked to his business or travel, you would never know he had a penny more than anyone else. He'll be having a great time too, genuinely

TheRedBarrows · 08/07/2019 13:49

You absolutely have to do it your way, your budget, and host with pride and confidence.

Events are about people, that's what makes them fun, and that's what makes good hosting.

If they choose to say 'why don't you let me provide the venue and catering as my contribution?' that is also fine - unless it comes with strings.

If they choose not to come or are snotty, well, don't invite them again - their loss!

drquin · 08/07/2019 13:54

Yes YABU ..... you've mentioned only good / nice things about them, presumably there's no great family fall-outs if you're planning on inviting them to this party ..... so why are you assuming that just because they're wealthy they won't enjoy meeting up for the event you're planning?

The fact they're wealthy (wealthier than you) doesn't automatically mean they can't eat or drink at the same venues as you.

Only if they weren't as nice as you make out would they turn down an invitation on the grounds of it not be held at a 5-star hotel resort in the sun with free/flowing magnums of champagne .....

If they're nice people, then they'll enjoy meeting up with family. They're rich, not allergic to the local pub or small-town hotel.

Walnutwhipster · 08/07/2019 13:55

I'm not poor but we have two sets within my immediate family. We get together and have a fantastic time no matter what the budget. One is incredibly wealthy but loves nothing more than a homemade meal followed my a chunk of chocolate cake.

Howlovely · 08/07/2019 13:55

Are you assuming that because he's made a lot of money he suddenly only wants to set foot in the finest establishments in the land and wouldn't be seen dead in a 'cheap' hotel? If he's as nice as you say and has had the same upbringing as lots of you then surely he'd be very used to the sort of parties/get togethers your family has? Plan and invite him as normal, it's up to him if he wants to come or not. You can't cater for everyone's tastes so go with the majority.

EleanorLavish · 08/07/2019 13:59

I find your OP a bit bizarre.
Do you genuinely think he wouldn't come if it in't high end enough for him?
MY DH is really good friends with someone worth two hundred million.
They often get the bus together. They eat in good restaurants and friend always gets the bill, insists on it. But he would happily go for a burger as a fine dining experience.
I guess they have to suck it up or not come.
That is a rally unkind thing to say, are they horribly snobby??

VladmirsPoutine · 08/07/2019 14:00

Yabu. Just invite him. Doesn't that Sheridan return home to her regular fish and chip shop as much as she can and sing at the old men's clubs her dad frequented. It is what it is.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 08/07/2019 14:03

What’s the problem ?? Of course you plan to budget of the majority,,Invite them, if they can’t cope with slumming it they will decline ( sounds like they won’t have a problem )
What’s the problem ?

Wheelerdeeler · 08/07/2019 14:06

Weirdest thread ever. Family is family. Plan the event as normal. Who comes, comes.

PawsForPizza · 08/07/2019 14:06

Are you jealous and bitter at all?

Al2O3 · 08/07/2019 14:07

One of my billionaires drives a 12 year old car, holidays in Wales and forgets to pay his septic tank bill and got a red letter.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 08/07/2019 14:08

OP, my uncle's a multi-bulti millionaire too - probs not quite in the same league as your relative, but very much above the rest of us in terms of money. It's never been an issue - he hasn't changed his personality from when he was my mum's older brother growing up on a council estate.

If he's as nice as you say, it'll be about seeing family, not about being seen in the 'right' places. As PP said, plan according to the budget that suits everyone best, and don't assume he'll care either way. In some ways it might be a nice break for him to have chicken in a basket and Black Forest gateau

sar302 · 08/07/2019 14:08

You're doing it all wrong! He should be hosting in his mansion with actual champagne waterfalls flowing freely down the marble staircase (therefore keeping it chilled.)

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 08/07/2019 14:09

What a peculiarly ill-spirited attitude you have OP.

Just because he can afford to do lovely things in life doesn't mean he is now allergic to cheaper-end of the scale. So what if he usually swanks round the Ritz? Maybe - just maybe - he'd like to see his family and is more than happy with the Luton Travelodge for that?

(...Or is this a precursor to you hoping he'll put his hand in his pocket and upgrade you all to his "standards"?)

Justsee · 08/07/2019 14:09

We have similar in our family. The ‘multi millionaire’ fits in with whatever we’re doing and has a great time. No airs or graces.
Just book what suits your budget best.

TheGrapefulDread · 08/07/2019 14:11

It’s lovely to be wanted your company not your cash. I bet they’ll love it.

breakfastpizza · 08/07/2019 14:11

I have an American friend like this. She married the son of a billionaire (really) but comes from 'white trash' (her words!). They visit her home often, and go to chain fast food restaurants and have Christmas dinner in her grandma's mobile home.

It only gets awkward because the poor relatives want to talk about money ALL the time, always going on about their own problems and hinting they need help. Just treat them normally.

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