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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think having a multi bulti millionaire in the family is tricky

111 replies

Swellerellamoo · 08/07/2019 13:35

Without outing myself or family member a close relation but not immediate family, but same generation as me and siblings is a self made multi multi millionaire. He's also fairly famous and is in the news if relevant to his industry as a bit of a talking head etc. This means that while all the rest of the family are all ordinary working people with mortgages and rickety cars, he and his wife - who are lovely - spend the majority of their time travelling the world by private jet / helicopter for various functions / meeting world leaders etc.

So, we want to organise a family reunion but no one can afford for more than a fairly crap hotel for us to all fit. I guess they just have to suck it up or not come, if they can't bear the venue? They are really nice and we all love them and want them to be there. It's also nice hearing ritzy stories out of our ordinary. Were all really proud of him too - he's done amazingly. Its just a bit of a bizarre scenario for the rest of us and makes us all feel a bit awkward I think. Aibu to feel this way? Just wondering if others have experienced similar.

OP posts:

Boom45 · 08/07/2019 14:13

There's a few people in my extended family that are very wealthy - not famous multi millionaire wealthy but probably millionaires I'd guess. We are not, we are pretty skint. And its fine generally but because they don't think there's quite such a large gap in income between us we do struggle to organise get togethers. The stuff they suggest as "cheap and cheerful" is usually out of our price range for a family weekend.
It's not the end of the world tho - just needs a bit of delicate negotiation....

IvanaPee · 08/07/2019 14:15

We’re quite a bit wealthier than most of my family.

I’d hate to think they would be feeling this way about us!

Ratonastick · 08/07/2019 14:17

Family is family, it doesn’t matter. If he’s a nice man then he will be happy to be there. If he’s not a nice man he won’t come.

For what it is worth, I know someone who’s sister has done extremely well and is wealthy and well known in her field. I’ve met her and you’d never guess. She was completely down to earth and perfectly happy sat on his living room floor eating chips with the rest of us. In fact, I only found out when he went to a couple of very expensive and exclusive events and I asked him how he got tickets and it turned out that he went as her guest. She was also bursting with pride when he got a new job and telling everyone how happy and proud she was of him, even though she probably earns his annual salary in a month. They are from a very tight family who all love each other to bits and earnings are irrelevant.

Teddybear45 · 08/07/2019 14:21

If he’s famous it may not be possible for him and his family to stay in a crap hotel for security reasons, and you shouldn’t judge if he needs to arrive into your hotel from another / has to decline. I have a relative who is on TV and needs to stay at hotels that are used to dealing with minor celebrities otherwise she and her kids would end up with their faces plastered across the media all the time — this means she needs to bow out of some family events. It’s No big deal to me but some family members tend to view it as a personal slight!!

Rachelover40 · 08/07/2019 14:22

They won't mind, they'll have a good time joining in with everyone else.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 08/07/2019 14:26

For some reason I've just remembered the photo of Andy Murray having his Christmas dinner on his lap at his grandparents

AcrossthePond55 · 08/07/2019 14:27

My family ran the gamut from extremely wealthy to skint. Things were always planned with the lower budgets in mind. No big deal and a good time was had by all. And it was always fun when the wealthy ones gave us a some kind of special treat. Not expected but surely appreciated.

Don't sweat it.

H2OH20Everywhere · 08/07/2019 14:29

I used to work with a multimillionairre. He came from money (so from a completely different social class to me), and then made a load more.

I invited him round to ours for dinner a few times and he loved it. We live in a tiny house, and the food was homemade by little old me rather than the Michelin-starred chef he had at his restaurant (and who would make, and send over, for to his house) but it didn't bother him one bit. He was just delighted to be asked.

Don't stress about it, treat him as you would anyone else and have a great time!

rattusrattus20 · 08/07/2019 14:31

there's no issue at all, especially if the person is genuinely self-made & as such no stranger to normality. what might be tricky is if everyone was loaded but one member skint, that'd lead to awkward conversations about subbing the paupers etc.

EmeraldShamrock · 08/07/2019 14:33

He might pay.
Is he from the UK.
Conor McGregor sprung to mind, if it is, don't worry he'll pay.
My old pal is his cousin, he is very generous to all his family, they all went to Las Vegas in style for his fight.

FloofenHoofen · 08/07/2019 14:35

Well people who are self made millionaires are usually those who have come from backgrounds where they had to budget at some point so I'm sure he would understand.

EmeraldShamrock · 08/07/2019 14:37

If he hasn't treated you different, try do the same.
He'll probably enjoy the break back to normality.

verticality · 08/07/2019 14:37

I am not sure I agree there aren't any issues connected with this. There are, but they are all negotiable. One of my close friends married a wealthyish guy (not a multi millionnaire, though) and money is something that has to be negotiated on a continual basis, because their 'normal' is very different from ours! You just have to keep communicating, and not be embarrassed about it - but that's easier said than done sometimes.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 08/07/2019 14:39

I think what the OP is getting at is that maybe the wealthy family member should pay for an nice venue.

EmeraldShamrock · 08/07/2019 14:41

She married the son of a billionaire (really) but comes from 'white trash' (her words!). They visit her home often, and go to chain fast food restaurants and have Christmas dinner in her grandma's mobile home
Is her grandma living in a trailer park? Jez she should her an apartment.

Lweji · 08/07/2019 14:42

Is the crappy hotel in the middle of nowhere?

Do you mean staying as well, or just a meal/party?

Just invite them, and give them the details. They can choose to attend or not, stay elsewhere, pay for a nice hotel for everyone.

AtillatheHun · 08/07/2019 14:43

@Drinkfeckarsegirls and that's where the awkwardness comes in.They should not be treated differently in terms of either picking venue/ activity or paying for it. If they chose to pick up the drinks bill or whatever - nice. But expecting it because they've got more money is crass
(the multi bulti in our family came to my house for dinner and came to our birthday parties as kids just like a normal person , for that's what he was. He farted like you and me, and he flew easy jet like you and me. The difference was that he was then given to buying houses or paying university etc for people he liked!)

breakfastpizza · 08/07/2019 14:44

Is her grandma living in a trailer park? Jez she should her an apartment.

Apparently she refuses! They do send her money every month, though.

Al2O3 · 08/07/2019 14:44

This is what you need to do.

Turn your multi-millionaire or billionaire upside down. Look closely between their bum cheeks and you should see a hole. This is the hallmark that confirms they are a human. Turn them back the right way up again, let them go and all should be fine.

Jellybeansincognito · 08/07/2019 14:47

I don’t understand why you feel this way? I’m sure he understands his privilege and doesn’t think he is better than anyone else.
Being famous and having money doesn’t mean he cannot enjoy things that don’t cost the earth, also- who cares where you are at a family meet up? You’re not attending for the environment.

Original poster

Swellerellamoo · 08/07/2019 14:48

Just to clarify we don't want him to pay for it - just that the self made wealth is not openly discussed, so unspoken and a bit awkward in terms of the difference in income / lifestyle.

And yes course we will invite him to our do at the Travelodge and enjoy his company and he ours!

OP posts:

WildAngel · 08/07/2019 14:49

Depending how many of you are going, maybe you could hire a cottage/house to fit you all? Nicer setting and often more economical.
If they're as nice as you say, then they probably wont give a toss!And will probably be grateful to be treated normally and have a bit of grounding. Always plan to suit the majority xx

HippyTrails · 08/07/2019 14:49

@Al2O3

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/07/2019 14:55

Don't apologise for being normal - it's likely to be refreshing to them, not horrible

This ^^ Even if you bankrupted yourselves to provide what he's "used to", it would be the same old thing to him ... so don't you think he'll find the way you do it a welcome change (and maybe even enjoy it more because of his lovely family's company)?

Small anecdote: I once did a home exchange to Long Island and asked the neighbours in for drinks, only to learn later that the lovely guy was the chairman of the SEC (he'd merely said he "worked in investments"). Of course I panicked that I'd bored him stiff about everyday British stuff, then remembered that he'd really seemed to mean it when he thanked me so warmly for my company

Even the exalted enjoy something ordinary occasionally ...

Even the hugely rich enjoy simpler things sometimes ...

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/07/2019 15:02

Duuuhhh - apologies; I changed the last sentence without deleting the previous one!!

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