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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think having a multi bulti millionaire in the family is tricky

111 replies

Swellerellamoo · 08/07/2019 13:35

Without outing myself or family member a close relation but not immediate family, but same generation as me and siblings is a self made multi multi millionaire. He's also fairly famous and is in the news if relevant to his industry as a bit of a talking head etc. This means that while all the rest of the family are all ordinary working people with mortgages and rickety cars, he and his wife - who are lovely - spend the majority of their time travelling the world by private jet / helicopter for various functions / meeting world leaders etc.

So, we want to organise a family reunion but no one can afford for more than a fairly crap hotel for us to all fit. I guess they just have to suck it up or not come, if they can't bear the venue? They are really nice and we all love them and want them to be there. It's also nice hearing ritzy stories out of our ordinary. Were all really proud of him too - he's done amazingly. Its just a bit of a bizarre scenario for the rest of us and makes us all feel a bit awkward I think. Aibu to feel this way? Just wondering if others have experienced similar.

OP posts:

cheesenpickles · 08/07/2019 18:03

One of my siblings is a self-made millionaire and buying them presents can be a bit of a task. They have everything they could possibly want or the means to get it. Buying them a jumper from a high street store always warrants a cringe from me as I know they'll have the designer label equivalent made of Tibetan cashmere, woven by a blind shaman. The winning combo is now I just buy them obscure and quirky booze.

However, where we have family do's they are more than happy to turn up wherever and (on more than one occasion) insist on paying. They would happily rock up to a Harvester if we asked because they care more about being with the family than it being fancy pants. Their partner always makes a bit of a comment but it's all part of their charm and character and tbh it always gives us a good giggle. I love hearing their celeb stories as well and then acting all "who's that?" to wind them up.

BlueCornsihPixie · 08/07/2019 18:11

It's not really any different for him than for you though, if it's fine for you to stay in its also fine for them. If it's a shit venue it's a shit venue, if it's not it's not, they are no more or less likely to be able to bear it than you just because they 're wealthy

Just because it's not 5* luxury doesn't mean that it suddenly becomes unbearable to someone wealthy. I doubt they will even give it a second thought tbh

Ariela · 08/07/2019 18:38

My cousin, who is about 15 years older than me is quite well known, or was - not on TV at all now he's older & retired, they live in a nice country mansion and clearly have an affluent lifestyle, cars holidays etc.
I always remember being in awe as a spotty teenager that someone so famous would come to our family events, but discovered a few years later on chatting to him at one my other cousin's kids weddings that he actually enjoyed being treated as 'normal' and would often not get recognised at family events which was nice, he could go down to the self serve buffet breakfast with everyone else in the budget hotel and nobody batted an eyelid or noticed him, he said he hated people shuffling about and making a fuss because he was on TV twice a week.
Saw him at a funeral a couple of months ago and he is enjoying being even more incognito as he has finally gone elderly gentleman sliver grey (I suspect he dyed it for years) and I doubt anyone much of the younger generation would know his name, my generation probably wouldn't recognise him at all.

lyralalala · 08/07/2019 18:55

It’s only tricky if they’re a knob.

We have two. One is tricky and one isn’t.

The one who is nitpicks about venues, food, drinks, who is and isn’t invited etc. However, he doesn’t nitpick because he’s minted. He does it because he’s rude, and he’s always been rude. Even when he was skint he was the same ill mannered twat.

The nice one pitches in making sandwiches and decorating halls like they’ve always done, because they’ve always been nice.

Original poster

Swellerellamoo · 08/07/2019 22:23

It's really nice to get everyones views - they are lovely and down to earth - I know his wife won't drink the wine if it's shit but that's fair enough, then she cracks on with the pints. Don't know why I gave it a second thought. It really is the people, not the place. I'm off to send out the invites! Thanks all

OP posts:

Moominmammacat · 09/07/2019 17:25

I'm the multi millionaire in our family and I just muck in with whatever is going on. When I'm hosting I like to give everyone a good time but I don't splash it around. It's really not an issue for us.

TremblingFanjo · 09/07/2019 17:36

he is enjoying being even more incognito as he has finally gone elderly gentleman sliver grey (I suspect he dyed it for years) Is he Paul McCartney?

Mummadeeze · 09/07/2019 17:37

This sounds like a non-issue. My rich family came to my crappy bedsit when I was younger and sat on the floor eating Chinese take away. They said it was really fun and I believe them as we had a laugh. I wasn’t even embarrassed really despite the fact that my flat was about the size of their dressing room which is attached to their master bedroom!

TigerTooth · 09/07/2019 17:54

This is a non- issue. What’s the real point of the thread?

Vibiano · 09/07/2019 17:58

I once went with DH to his works Christmas do at a nice hotel. It was a nice meal and a free bar. After the meal was cleared away I was on my own while DH had gone to get our drinks and an older guy came over and asked if I'd enjoyed my meal. I said it was really nice and that it seemed like a nice friendly crowd. He was very nice, I assumed he was a manager in DH's department and was making sure that the hotel had done a good job and also being kind as I was stood alone.
We chatted for a while about ordinary stuff and he asked me if I thought the music was good, was it a bit loud. Anyway DH came back with drinks and the guy excused himself and walked off. DH jaw was on the floor, it was the CEO of the company (big multi national company) and he had apparently helicoptered in to surprise everyone and wanted to make sure they were having a nice time. It wasn't even the head office team, DH and colleagues worked at a big distribution centre.
I had absolutely no idea, we'd been chatting about the city we were in (his hometown)and comparing where we went to school etc. He was very ordinary and down to earth (apart from the helicopter)
Everyone was asking what we were talking about! He honestly never mentioned gold taps or super yachts (he probably has those things though!)
Yabu, just invite the guy and enjoy the party. If he is a nice bloke he will attend.

riceuten · 09/07/2019 18:02

Why are you skewing the event and the venue to suit them? Are you so much in awe of them that no-one's views or feelings matter? If they are the kind of people who won't "rough it" in a 3 star hotel eat in a non-Michelin starred restaurant or mix with plebs, then you're honestly best off of they don't turn up

exaltedwombat · 09/07/2019 18:02

Your feelings are understandable. But of course it would be thoroughly unreasonable, insulting, unkind, unpleasant... (have I made myself clear yet?) to NOT invite this person to your event. So you'll just have to cope with your feelings!

stayathomer · 09/07/2019 18:04

I guess they just have to suck it up or not come, if they can't bear the venue? the fact that you say that means you don't think the best of them, if a member of the non wealthy party doesn't mind, why would they? Kind of sad for them, they must feel quite isolated with people treating them with kid gloves

macblank · 09/07/2019 18:33

I think you're overthinking it. He has come from humble background, and wouldn't mind "living it up in a Travelodge"!. lol

It may not be what he is necessarily used to, but I suspect he'll be fine.

You keep saying lovely people as if to reassure yourself. Stop it. They grew up alongside you, they prob shared a meal at your table (even if younger).

I've lived an unusual life (not a millionaire life) and met some amazing people... Very very poor to extremely rich, and all been so friendly n humble.

I have a half brother who seems to have landed on his feet from a poor family, admittedly he is a prick, but he was before! .. not a millionaire tho, just loaded compared to all us siblings put together!

Just relax, and if they're as "lovely" as you keep saying, they'll be fine and may even enjoy it.

Have a great time.... And remember to come back n say how it went.

SongforSal · 09/07/2019 18:37

Oh OP. Most are lovely I expect, but my DB is a millionaire and I hate it.

Not because of jealousy, because he has, along the way totally lost touch with reality-as has his wife, and has stopped being my big brother. I believe he looks down on me (I have lots to back this up!) even though dp and I have respectable jobs, he doesn't understand other points of view nor does he take us as we are.

Funnily enough my DM visited the other evening and it came up in conversation, she feels the same way and we don't know what we have done, I actually feel he had dropped us as family which is incredibly painful, no one wants his money, we just want his time.

I haven't seen him in a year as he lives the other side of the world, however he had a business meeting in London recently and didn't have time to pop in and say hello even. Particularly galling as he plastered pictures over social media of managing a night out with his old friends just 20mins from my house.

I have never asked for a penny of him, so it can't be money related, and have always been happy for his achievements. I keep beating myself up over it, but I just have to reconcile that I don''t really mean anything to him anymore.

This year was tough as it was my birthday recently and he usually sends a bunch of flowers and chocolates. We received devastating news a few days before regarding my FIL. My Db wrote 'happy birthday' on my social media, like he was a stranger. Then came the photos of the private plane and jet set month long trip they were enjoying. Didn't even occur to him our family were suffering and to pick up a phone and say a kind word. That costs nothing right?

Snowflakes1122 · 09/07/2019 18:40

TigerTooth-to boast?

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 09/07/2019 18:44

DH's nephew is a millionaire (not multi though). He might drive a flash car and own a nice house, but he is still the same kid from the council estate and if you didn't know he had money, you wouldn't from socialising with him because he doesn't mention it or have any airs or graces. Enjoy your reunion and host with pride.

Jeeperscreepers69 · 09/07/2019 18:58

Whats the problem? So feck hes rich. Plan your reunion at the crappy hotel and he will arrive have fun and enjoy. If he dosnt so what. Everyone else will be there. Why is it so important he is there? Because hes rich and famous? 😱

Jeeperscreepers69 · 09/07/2019 19:00

This has nothing to do with the original question.

joanne2020 · 09/07/2019 19:11

Gosh a few here are saying you seem mean spirited etc ! I don’t think so it just makes you a bit nervous sometimes hosting/organising a social family event just because you want it to go well, and that everyone feels welcome, well fed and at ease to enjoy socialising - I feel this is where you are coming from but there is only so much as a host you can do the rest is up to the guests on how they enjoy the event - OP they are rich! not magical creatures they still have to poo and cut their toenails 😂
If they come admit you reservations to them and have a laugh at your own expense and your worries will disappear

joanne2020 · 09/07/2019 19:15

Bradley Walsh

FancyACarrot · 09/07/2019 19:20

He can't be that nice, if he has so many millions you'd think he would give his family a few to share, I would!

Confrontayshunme · 09/07/2019 19:22

My husband's family are pretty wealthy, extremely generous and kind, but I do find my MIL a bit annoying when she has complained about the hotels where DH's cousins have gotten married. It isn't malicious, but I guess it is hard not to notice the difference between England's top spa hotels where she usually stays and an airport chain in Manchester. SIL got married at a private castle, so yes, the chicken at a 2 star isn't going to be as good, but I think if you aren't paying for the wedding, you should probably not judge.

MindatWork · 09/07/2019 19:37

I wish I were a multi bulti millionaire

Knitclubchatter · 09/07/2019 19:48

Fancy the begging never stops. the subtle hints. the out and out requests. sadly managing people's expectations of what you should be doing with your money (which is fully tied up and invested) is exhausting.
lots will take up family invites but many decline because they are expected to foot the bill. it's mostly awkward.
and everyone wants your time including people in other time zones.
and when you leave, the gossip starts.

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